Wednesday, August 31, 2005

You too could be a winner...

This is kind of weird. My little street was chock full of news trucks yesterday. It turns out that my neighbor (my new favorite neighbor) won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes (you too could be a winner). One Million dollars...and a car. One of those fancy sports cars....did I mention she's 80? Anyhow, kind of strange....seeing that guy who wears the double breasted suit with the flower in the lapel, the van with the magnetic "Prize Patrol" sign on the side. I'm guessing that I'll never see that again.

So this all begs the question, What would you do with a million bucks?
First and foremost, I'd give our government half...because they deserve it just as much as I would (having filled out the Publishers Clearinghouse paperwork and all). And you just know that there's no better money spent than giving it to the government. They'd never waste it. Sure, I could give it to homeless shelters, Food Banks, Charities...but I'm sure that the good people at the I.R.S. would know how to get me more bang for my buck.
So half is gone.
Now what? I've got $500,000
and a car...
Finally...everything in life is perfect! I don't have to worry about money! Maybe just the annoying thing of everybody asking me for some. Come to think of it...nobody likes to say no so that could get really annoying...but it's still fun to have money! Now the love that I know I'll find from buying stuff will finally be quenched!
The new cars with fine Corinthian leather seats will love me!
The jacuzzi will love me!
The $400 shirt will love me!
Life will be perfect! Oh joy!
Sure the chances of suicide go up after someone wins the lottery...but that's just because they didn't realize how awesome it is to win a boatload of cash.
O.K., there is the rumor that there is this impending sense of doom...that you'll lose it all...that everyone is after your money...but I'm sure that's not as bad as they say.
YOU'RE RICH!!! And what else can fill up your life like MONEY!!!
It fixes everything I hear...
what did the Beatles know anyhow?


  1. you are hilarious. laugh out loud hilarious. i'm sitting in a meeting in Omaha (externally focused church group) and people are thinking i'm the goofy one cause i'm laughing at you and your hilarity.


    see you this weekend, where we'll make plans to spend some of that cashola.

  2. just kidding about the oil thing...c'mon sean you forgot to tithe 10%...i'm sure pastor dan would be after you for that...