Thursday, December 16, 2010

White Death

Fist of all - I have no idea why that's not a rap name.

The second snow day of the week/year happened today.  Griff's response?  Nooooo!

Huh?

He doesn't want to exceed the school's allowed snow days and have to eat into his summer break.
This is unprecedented on two levels:
1.  What kid doesn't love a snow day?
B.  Since when is Griff thinking long term over short term?

My theory is this falls into a fourth generation pessimist deal.  I'm trying to teach him that optimists live longer, happier lives.   I'm hoping that he see's beyond the simple arguments of the pessimists.  My goal is to one day yell at him, "Griff, you forgot to put your cup in the sink." and have him reply "what cup pop, the half full one?"

Of course an optimist would have assumed that Griff was thinking long term over instant gratification.  Is it too late for me?

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Drought is Over!

The Phillies just signed Cliff Lee - and that's adorable.
The Red Sox just signed Carl Crawford - but who is really afraid of a sock?

Here's what the baseball community is talking about this morning. (and when I say "baseball community" I don't mean ESPN or those local fellas who wouldn't know an infield fly rule from a balk...I mean the real baseball people)

The Pittsburgh Pirates (maybe you remember the 1979 World Series of Baseball!?!?) just signed Mr. Lyle Overbay!

Yup.  You read it here first young people.

The Pittsburgh Pirates are now in possesion of a first baseman who hit 20 home runs last year.  Oh yeah...and that's not all.  He also just happened to hit .243 and stole a base.

He knows what he wants and he takes it.  He wanted to steal that base, and you know what?  He did it.

In 1979 Pittsburgh had Willie Stargell at the first base....but look out Willie, here comes Lyle!

WE'RE BACK!

Oh yeah, I said "we".  You should know that I'm a part of the Pirates organization and WE are family...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Note I received yesterday at 5:30...PM

Monday, December 13, 2010


Lakota Local Schools will be CLOSED on Monday, December 13 due to inclement weather. 

Apparently the inclement weather caused a school closing and an 11 hour delay of electronic mail...

but did you see yesterday's vid?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bucket

I don't have a bucket list, but if I did...

Baptising Griffin would be up at the top with a check mark next to it.

Performing a twenty minute improv set with Second City wouldn't...but it'd be on there...and it'd have a check mark next to it as well.

These are among the highlights of my last two weeks of weblog avoidance.

I'm not saying that if you take a few weeks off of posting, that you'll have similar results...but maybe give it a try?
I've also recently been named the head coach of the Hurricanes fourth grade basketball team...so take that Isaiah Thomas!

just passing along the latest...

And does WikiLeaks sound a little like when Oliver is trying to start a rap?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Unfriend Day?

Let me state for the record (who is keeping the record these days?  Is it you Tom Brokaw?  Because I voted for you, but never actually found out who now does this...)

I'm against unfriending Chris Day.
I'm not entirely sure why this is getting national press.
I'm fairly certain that he keeps his "pokes" and farmville requests to a minimum.
He keeps a fairly tidy homepage.

Why not unfriend someone like Chuck Rangel? 
It seems like a far better choice.

How would you like it if someone started a national movement to unfriend you?
Think about that America...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What do you have to do to get fired from Congress?

Chuck Rangel was just found guilty on 12 of 13 ethics violations.
12 out of 13 will get you into the Hall of Fame.
12 out of 13 is a solid A to A- (depending on the teacher)
12 out of 13 is the actual dozen in a baker's dozen (it turns out they're just bad at math)

So what happens to a Congressman who is guilty on 12 out of 13 charges? 
He's getting a strongly written letter sent to him.
yup - that's what they do

He illegally received properties
He didn't pay taxes on properties that (we think) he bought legally.
He took money from businesses that appeared before his committee.
He impersonated the mayor of Whoville

AND HE'S GETTING A LETTER!!!
This is what you used to get when you're late with a phone bill.
This is what you get when you play Varsity football.
This is what you used to send to someone when you were in love.
This is not what should happen to someone who was found innocent on only 1 out of 13 possible ethics violations.

Paul Sr. would punch Paul Jr. in the throat for something like this.
You'd lose a paper route, a busboy job, a manager of an Urban Active position...
I'm fairly certain that Amway wouldn't even let you sell their soap if you broke 12 out of 13 rules.
But you can come to work for the United States Governmetn fella.
just be prepared to receive a strong talking to if you break out laws...
not in person or anything...but it'll be in the mail...you can bet your bottom dollar on that fella...

Thursday, November 11, 2010

dedication...

I'd like to dedicate this weblog post to the Veterans.
I'd like to, I'm just not sure what all is involved in doing so?

I assume there's some sort of requisite form or rules you have to follow when dedicating something to someone.   That makes sense, right?

I mean, it's not like they're going to benefit monetarily from me dedicating a post to them.  I guess no one really benefits monetarily when an Oscar, home run or award is dedicated to someone or something...

Honestly, I'm not sure how veterans would really gain anything by me dedicating this to them.  In fact, I don't think I'd even get a tax write off for this.  I'm not saying that I'm writing this for a tax break, I'm just saying I wouldn't turn one down if it was offered...

So here goes my post:

I'm really starting to wonder if the phrase "party pooper" was born out of an actual incident?

Just wondering...

This post is dedicated to Veterans Day.
you're welcome...

Monday, November 08, 2010

Urban Active

Close your eyes and picture this:
Actually...you'll need to call over your personal reader..and then close your eyes and picture this:

I went outside to warm up the 'ol Honda.  It was Alaska cold and I had a frozen car to get started.  So I'm sitting in a ridiculously cold car and I'm sitting in sweat pants a t-shirt and a sweatshirt.  It's 5:40 A.M.  I'm cold.  I'm not looking forward to lifting the weights (they're very heavy) but I'm making the effort to head to the gymnasium.

I signed up about 10 months ago with four friends (two of them were double billed and had to ask Urban Active to not turn their one time two year pre-pay into a monthly bill.  Oops.

So I go  in and am told to leave...

not in a "I'm sorry, but you're not out in our system anymore" kind of a way.  It was more of a "you have to leave, you cancelled your membership" kind of way.

Nuh uh. 
Never happened.  I couldn't.  I paid two years in advance.

They cancelled it for me.  I asked the front desk person if they could pull up my account.
"I'm not going to do that"
I told her that I put some effort into getting up, getting dressed and coming in...and could you please just pull it up because they've done this before and..."
"No, I'm not going to do that.  Your membership is a privilege, this is my job sir"

She said that.  She told me that my membership...that I PAID for...was a privilege.
I finally mentioned that I was really just trying to resolve this and she was being rude.

She answered (and I promise I'm not making this up) "I'm not rude, I'm a mother of six"

Huh?

She then refused to talk with me and told me to come back in later when the manager was in...
but I have to work
she didn't care.

I came back and they were very apologetic and told me  they'd resolve it and call me that night or the next morning.

They didn't.
Nor did they the next day...or the next or the next or the next...

So I went in today and they told me they needed me to write a letter to their manager because they've had issues with this employee.
They didn't offer me free personal training sessions, they didn't offer me a discount on my membership, they didn't offer to do anything...not even to add time on to my two years to make up for my lost time and cancelled membership.

They literally just asked me to help them fill out paperwork so they'd have something for their H.R. department.

I'm not really a fan...that's all I'm saying...

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

The Elect

Today is election day or, as I like to call it, Adults get to wear stickers day.

Wear an "I gave blood" sticker and suddenly your a hero on par with Sully Sullenberger, but try to wear a My Little Pony sticker to work.  You won't make that mistake twice.

An "I voted today" sticker - you're Abraham Lincoln changing the world.  One Hello Kitty sticker and your branded for the next decade.

I don't look at today so much as Election day as I look at it as "No more annoying robot phone calls from phony politicians Eve"

Looking forward to Wednesday...

Monday, November 01, 2010

The Politics of Humor

I've finally figured out the perfect was to sway marginally informed voters.
Jokes.
You got some political jokes?  That's about all you need.

I've head a silly more people quote comedians political commentaries and go on to later rip Fox New or MSNBC.

The great thing about political humor is that people use the jokes as the basis for their beliefs.  People take stances on issues with insight pulled from Jon Stewart.

Here's what's great about his job.  He has complete deniability.
I heard him in a debate once and when he was told that something he aired on his show was a complete fabrication, his answer was "look, I'm on basic cable and am followed by crank calling puppets" and people laughed and moved on. 

Letterman does it all the time.  He's go off on Obama, Bush or some issue and every once in a while he'll have a serious political analyst who shoots holes in his argument.  He does the same thing that Stewart does.  "I'm basically a dumb guy from Indiana, what do I know?"

It's the perfect out.  You can take shots and then back away from any sort of responsibility.

I think if I was considering politics because I genuinely wanted to see policy change and sway public opinion in a certain direction - I'd start writing me some jokes.

Jokes are funny - and seem to be the engine driving the younger folks these days...
That and 24 hour robot phone calls to my house telling me how to vote...
I'm ready for Wednesday

Friday, October 29, 2010

Final 3 Costume possibilities

1. Brett Favre's Cell Phone

2. Cleveland fan with a knife stuck in the back of my LeBron Jersey.(in the interest of full disclosure - I really don't care that he chose to live in a city that he wanted to live in and to work for a company that he wanted to work for...can't he decide those things? I just think it'd be a funny costume)
3. A hot dog with a hole in the middle.  You see...it's a play on words.  It's a hollowed out weener...like holloweenie...never mind.  I'm not doing this one.  This is stupid.  I hate this!

3 (for reals yo). Eduardo Saverin with a knife stuck in the back of his suit jacket.
You see what I did there?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My phone is not an honor student

I'm slowly realizing that my cellular telephone is not that smart.
For awhile I really thought it was a Mensa level phone.  It was getting good grades, could do all sorts of fancy stuff and all the other fellas were always telling me how great it was.

Just to point out one feature.
This device can carry my voice from Cincinnati, Ohio all the way to Dublin, Ireland.
Yup.
I'm serious.
Not only that (I know I said one feature, but I'm gushing) this thing can take photographs.  I can push a button and it will capture IN COLOR a digital recreation of the very thing it's pointed towards.
It's true.
Stevie's Self Portrait

Lately I've been reading and hearing about all these "smart phones".  At first I thought they were talking about Stevie (my cellular device).  After all, if they're talking smart...who's smarter than Stevie?  Soon I realized they were talking as if we were living in the future.  They mentioned games, video, electronic mail, buying corn through Facebook.

That's when I realized that Stevie wasn't all that gifted.  He's actually kind of average.  Sure, he doesn't cost me an extra $400 a year to buy fake corn on Farmville...but who wouldn't pay an extra $30-$40 a month to have a gifted electronic device like that.
Well, for right now...it looks like me.

But you should know...I love Stevie.  And to me he IS special.  He might not get into Mensa.  He might not have HD video or fake Zippo lighter applications...but he's mine...and that's enough for me.


This weblog sponsored by...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The countown starts...again

We are refinancing the ol homestead.*  We had a 30 year mortgage in Middletown, a 30 year mortgage in State College, a 30 year mortgage in the Dub C...and then a 25...and now we're making the shift to 15 years.

It's our way of saying, "we're not sure we want to owe you any money in 16 years, fella"

I blame most of this on Dave Ramsey and a little of this on my constant desire for discounts.
The difference in overall payments going from 30 years to 15 years is....well it's a lot...I actually haven't done the math, but I'm told that I'll save literally dozens of dollars.

I love a good deal.
If you're looking for a good local (Cincinnati) mortgage fella, I got a guy (and a silly rate).  Just let me know.
-------------------------------------------
* This entire post was an excuse to use the word homestead

Monday, October 25, 2010

How about them politics

I have one rule when voting in an election.
It's more of a formula actually.
What I do (and this might not be a bad system if you're still undecided) is I count the yard signs for each candidate. 
You get one point per sign
- 2 points for a sign that's larger than my oven door
- 3 points if it's larger than my miniature van's back door
- Bonus point if it's a colorful sign that's pleasing to the eye
- take one point away if it's not parallel to the ground (seems mean to our O.C.D. friends)

This is just basic science.  The candidate with the most money has the most signs.  That candidate is probably best because they had the most money (look at the last couple big elections...the rich people won 'em).

This has also energized me to engage in the political sign display arena.  What better way is there to create tension with your neighbors, or convince absolutely no one who to vote for????

Here's the issue - I just want the signs...and don't want to mess up my math based election process...so I can't actually have political signs in my yard.  

So I'm working on some basic yard signs that will be awesome - but not mess up my system.

I know they're not colorful...they're still a work in progress...quit judging me and go out a Rock the Vote - it's what P. Diddy would want you to do...

Friday, October 22, 2010

something I just read

The good thing about staying up all nght is you get to catch up on some reading...Yesterday Annie sent me a link to a Poker weblog.
Weird, right?
Yup

I didn't pay much attention....but I just found the link and gave it a shot.
Turns out it's a review...or at least an endorsement of Joe's movie.

It was a fun read from a poker perspective.  Check it out...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Fine Roger Goodell

I'm a fan of Roger Goodell and his tough love policy.
He once fined me $25 because my "handshake feels like a fish"
whatever

Anyhow, overall I think he's doing good things for the league.  He's taking hits like Guiliani did when he cleaned up New York...but everyone seems to agree that it's a much nicer city now...and soon we'll say the same about the National Football League.
Not that it's a nicer city...that'd be silly...

Anyhow, I believe that leaders lead by leading.
Not just talking.  Not just writing.  They lead by going first.  Doing the stuff that they're talking about.

This is why I think Roger should fine himself.  He screwed up.  He fined three guys for tackling people.  O.K....I guess???  Even if you think we should be more gentle with your tackles - it's probably a good idea not to then profit from the very thing you're seeking to eliminate.

Roger is selling pictures of some of these nasty hits.
Hypocrit?  Absolutely.
We all are, by the way...Let's not get on him too hard.
Maybe just $100,000 would do?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

avoiding havoc

If you're part of a crowd and you're walking through a doorway...keep walking. When you stop to have a conversation, you're creating havoc. Nobody likes havoc. Why would you do this? Just walk another 14 feet and have your conversation there.   It's silly to keep people behind you waiting while you talk about how much the world of baseball misses Mark Lemke.  We know!  Rehashing the same tired sports talk fodder in the doorway is just keeping people from their important endeavors.  Why are you keeping people from endeavors!?!?

Same thing applies to steps at a ballgame. I was at an event recently that had people walking up the steps and having to cross over to the other side of the steps to keep walking. The people talking on the steps only needed to walk 2 or 3 feet into their row and they would have avoided havoc. So simple.

If you're standing in front of a deli that flies fast and loose without a number system - when they ask, "who's next?" it's customary to take a quick look around before claiming that title.  There's an assumption that there will be a slight nod by the other customers assuring your place in line.  It's just that simple.  Take a quick look to make sure you're not jumping line.  Nobody likes the line-jumpers.
Line dancers either.

Last thing - stop putting the money down on the counter when you're paying for your canned food items.  It's saying, "you're beneath me in life and I'm not going to put this in your hand" instead of, "Hello Friend!  I just wanted to give you these three dollars along with this coupon for 50 cents off Campbells soup.  I trust that that coupon will be doubled and that you will have a great day!"
Wouldn't you rather not be that first guy?
That guy is the underlying reason for much of the havoc that we see on the internet news reports...


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

homage to young Brad

Sometimes I wish I could take a camera back into our post Alpha leader's meetings just to record what's said. Last night was one of those nights. I was meeting in the atrium with our coaches, so I missed most of Brad's talk...but the leaders couldn't stop talking about how great it was. I tried to call him and let him know what people were saying before I forgot all of it...but he's unplugged. He's off to our 50th state and is officially unavailable. So he won't get my calls or electronic mail messages...or read this. Still...I feel like I must do something in his honor. So I'll leave you with this: before you read too much into this - No, Brad's talk was not full of dark sarcasm. It was full of honesty and depth of insight. No, I'm not referring to the teacher that won't leave the kids alone. I'm more referring to him as the young fella who gave a great talk last night and appreciates things being mashed together like an old timie Reece's commercial.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

movie mania

I live on what most people would consider tip money.  Not tips at a swanky restaurant that serves funny sounding French food - more like tip your barber kind of money.

Having said that, I should also mention that we pay a few shekels to the local sports leagues when our kids decide that they'd like to join a team.  So what we have here is limited resources meeting almost unlimited wants.  We buy the kids all of their needs, and we pick and choose the wants.

This necessitates having to decide between this little girl's wants...


and ours.  She often wins.

She lost this week.  One of my wants is to go see movies.  Lots and lots of them.  Sadly I've seen five movies in the past two years (in the theater).

This year is different.  In fact, this week was different.  We went to the world premier of Hitting the Nuts on Saturday.  This was approximately 65 minutes after we finished watching Saturday Night.

James Franco's Saturday Night was an interesting behind the scenes look at the making of Saturday Night Live.  I've read a half dozen books about the show and it was interesting to see if come to life.  Hitting the Nuts (an improv poker movie) was a lot of fun to see.  There was a huge crowd (maybe 15 times the size of Saturday Night) and laughter throughout.  They showed it at a theater in Clifton last night and apparently it sold out so quickly that they had to move it to a larger theater.

We weren't there for the sold out performance because we were watching The Social Network.  (That's three movies in three days for those of you keeping score at home...)  This was a great movie provided by the greatest Aunt in the world and her magical movie gift card.  We both "liked it" (see what I did there?)

I'm guessing it'll be months, or years, before I get back to the theater...but it sure was a fun run...

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Here's what we did...

We went here and clicked on the 8 o'clock movie.
Actually, we also bought tickets to the 5 o'clock movie with James Franco (we haven't formally set up a time to meet...we'll probably just keep it casual).

I've heard that there are still tickets available.  Should be a fun night...

It'd be silly not to go.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

what's the difference?

At what point does a food become "gourmet"?
Is it the quality of ingredients?
The quality of a chef or kitchen?

Is it the deliciousness of the food?
If not - it should be.  In fact, I'm going to make the argument that ultimately that is the marker.
Delicious = gourmet.  So, having said that...we have too many words for delicious.

Let's eliminate gourmet all together.  It's a wasted word on an arbitrary scale.

Is a McDonald's breakfast gourmet?  Doesn't matter...we already eliminated that word, don't you remember?

And what's the story on Homemade?
I've been to dozens of restaurants that have "homemade" on their menu?

Does this mean that they made it at home and brought it into the restaurant?  Does making it in an inferior kitchen a good thing?

And what's the deal with "restaurant quality"?  Which is better - homemade or restaurant quality?  Can it be restaurant made or home quality?

These are but a few of my food related questions...

Monday, October 04, 2010

one

"I'm not against anything, I'm just for Jesus"
-Brother Andrew
I'm 84% sure I'm mangling that quote, but I'm 97% sure I'm too lazy to go and look it up.

There's something simple about brother Andy.  He's focused on the thing that is number one for him.
I imagine if he was trying to reach out to kids in the city and they were really into basketball...he'd hang out at basketball courts. 

If he wanted to follow the typical path -he might even build a few...and it's even conceivable that he'd get "strategic" and really pour himself into building bigger and better basketball courts.  Pretty soon he'd need locker rooms and maybe even a pool...and he could invite people to join his Young Men's Christian Athletic chapter... It's easier to get wrapped up in projects than people.  It's easier to raise money for stuff than it is to mentor someone.  Why not build gymnasiums and recreation centers?  It's a good thing, right?  It's certainly impressive..

But Andy didn't do this sort of thing.
He wasn't a hater...he just kept his one thing first.  He kept on point.  He was focused.  He was a world changer.

I'm not.

I get side tracked.  I get wrapped up in projects, little and large, that often look and feel spiritual.  In fact, I can rationalize ANYTHING as being a good thing.  I defy you to name something that I can't spiritualize and somehow use to help me feel better.  I'm pretty good at it.

I often lack focus.  I'm exceptional when it comes to distractions.  If I could somehow flip a switch and put my time into what's #1...that would move me in the direction of a changed world.

I'm not sure I can change everything today - but I can try for a couple of minutes.  It's something, right?
So I'm making a list - and working on a few things...for a couple of minutes...and I'll add a minute tomorrow...and another the next...we'll see how it goes...

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Remember Yesterday?

Do you remember yesterday?
It was a Wednesday.  That one guy in your office made the "Hump Day" reference that created some awkward silence.  You were excited about Modern Family coming on.
At some point you went on a weblog that touted the idea of buying movie tickets to the U.S. Premier of a major motion picture...and then you found out that you couldn't buy those tickets...

Well you can today.
In the interest of full disclosure, I've already received a couple of notes from folks saying that they still can't get them.  I'm guessing that was just because they were trying at one minute after Midnight....or at some point earlier than the ticket office opened.  I'm guessing they open at 10.
As for me and my household, we will buy two tickets (Hitting the Nuts & Saturday Night)

So go ahead...give it a shot.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

You'll thank me later

quick thing - head here and buy some movie tickets.
(just found out that tickets actually go on sale for individual movies tomorrow...and I'm dumb)

Some of you might be saying, "Sean, you're not the boss of me!"

others might just be thinking, "that Murph, seems like he's trying to control my life"

still others - "Oh that Sean Michael...he's so darn adorable when he tries to tell me how to spend my time"

Sure, I started out a little aggressive, but here's why I believe it's warranted:
 1.  I'm a sucker for movie theater popcorn
 2.  The more people go to movies, the fresher the popcorn
 3.  The more people who go to movies, the more Hollywood makes... and I'd like to help Hollywood...why?
        A.  They're the ones who produce the mechanism for sitting in a dark room while eating delicious popped corn
 4.  I'll be there and I'll help to demonstrate the proper amount of salt to be applied to the aforementioned pop corn.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

because I like lists...

Things that are ultimately bad for me and/or society, but I love:
-Texting
-Pizza
-Remote Controls
-flip flops
-David Spade
-DVR's
-air conditioning
-me writing this right now...I should probably go...

Friday, September 24, 2010

check it

check this out...I've never tried this links to a post thing...but I'm hopeful...and also Irish #links

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Fixing the economy

I know a lot of people are struggling right now and I figured it's probably time I back up the dump truck and let out some knowledge.

As far as retirement, don't worry about it - Social Security will take care of that for you.  If there's one thing we can depend on when it comes to sound economic stewardship - it's the United States Government.

Having said that - how do I invest my money now Sean?
Great Question
One word
Newspapers.

I'm looking at the New York Stock Exchange (way better than the New Jersey one) and every major publicly held company that controls a newspaper is down right now.  Simple law of physics - what goes down must come back up.  I see a BIG future for newspapers.  Follow me....all the way to the bank!

Where should I get the money to invest in newspapers Sean?  May I call you Sean?
Well some people call me Murph and some Sean Michael...but really anything you like.
O....K....um....so where should I get the money?
Right - Checks Cashed.  They have one on almost every corner of a good city.  They'll let you borrow money from them - it's simple.

So in short - you borrow money from Check Cashed - you put it into Newspapers - you get rich and buy a series of cars that turn into boats...and you live like the Huxtables!

You're welcome.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Things that I love

While I'm on a Pittsburgh Pirates-like personal losing streak in this game - I sure do love playing Words With Friends on my internet pod touch.

I play under the handle "ylmurph" and play by one rule:
-Take no longer than 45 seconds to find a word
I figure that keeps things loose, keeps me on my toes & gives me an excuse when I lose.
It's basically Scrabble and accepts all of what I call the fake Scrabble words - Qi, Za, Teniae, Pie, etc.



I also was given a Duck tour this past weekend.
A duck tour is exactly what it sounds like.
O.K., it's nothing like what it sounds like.
A.  No ducks
B.  Um...that's really the only reason it doesn't sound like what it is.

It's a big vehicle that looks like one you'd hop off of when you come out of if you were visiting Normandy and didn't mind getting shot.  The only difference is that we were given duckbills that quaked when you blew into them instead of rifles.

You ride around the city getting a tour (did you know there are 14 bats making crowns at the Reds stadium as a not so subtle tribute to you know who?) and then you drive right into the river.
Yup...right into the water.  It's like a plane, in that you're riding and then your flying...but different....in that you're riding and then your um...still riding...but in the water...

I'd throw in cute pics of our kids making duck sounds...but blogger hates my pics right now.
I'm not sure why.
I think it has something to do with me saying something about bloggers sister at the Christmas party last year...


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Say it aint so O

An open letter to Oprah

Hey girlfriend,
   Um...what the h? (heck)
You're just going to pick up and quit?  What up with that?
Let me ask you a few QUESTIONSSSSSSS!!!!
-Who is going to tell me what to read?
-Who will tell me how to vote?
-Where will I put my, "Someday when Oprah gives me a car and/or vacation" hopes?
-What if I forget my Spirit?  Ever think of that O?!
-Can I at least know a few of your favorite things next year?
-Is there a well intentioned pseudo spiritual New Age guru that you'd recommend?

Just wondering
Disappointed in Detroit
Sean Michael Murphy
(not really Detroit...Cincinnati actually...but you knew that...you're Oprah after all...)



Friday, September 10, 2010

just wondering

Terry Jones has called off the Koran burning - and you'd think just about everybody would be happy about this, right?

It's always interesting to me to hear people talk intelligently about politics, faith, the media and life. 

Unfortunately I rarely hear this.  I tend to hear quick jabs at a certain political party, faith, news outlet, believe or personal conviction...etc.  I used to ask, "what is it exactly that you don't like about them?"  "What story do you think they got wrong?" "are you as concerned with the bias on the other side?  and if so...why don't you ever bring it up?"

I don't really ask those questions any more.  People don't like it.  Those questions are inevitably redirected at whatever Keith Olbermann, Glen Beck or that other guy said the other day.

I've seen a lot of outrage directed at the pyromaniac holding his Bible lately (and I don't blame them...) but it feels different than when I hear people talk passionately about something they believe in.  This feels like bitterness, spite, gall, acerbic....I'm out of words...you get the point, right?  I can't help but wonder if they're a little bummed that he called it off...

It's when we look at "the other side" (seems like most people have a "those people" these days - doesn't matter your faith or political leaning) and delight in the opportunity to point and judge - that's when everybody loses.

Especially the children.
Think of the children.
Do you hate the children?
that just seems wrong...
ok, I feel like that's about that...

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Improvisational "comedy"

This Thursday, Sept 9th, the Q City Players will be at Taza Coffeeshop.


Whether you've never been or it's just been a while, come out on Thursday and see an improvisational comedy show. It's only $5 at the door, so why not check them out? (this is rhetorical - I don't really want a list of reasons...save the whales, cure cancer, punch Dave Coulier - these are all valid alternatives - I'm just saying that it was rhetorical)

When: 9/9/10  7:30pm - 9pm. Doors open around 6:45pm

2900 Jefferson Ave Cincinnati, OH 45219

Cost: $5 a the door

Come a few minutes early and snag some awesome street parking....I mean coffee...although, let's be honest...you'll want to park before that.  Check out more about Taza here

Friday, September 03, 2010

Real Age II?

For a little background, see here ...or you can just scroll down.  I tend to hit links instead of scrolling - makes me feel like I'm time traveling.

Quick Quiz:
1.  When was the last time you quoted Donald Trump or Oprah?
     A.  This morning
     B.  Last Week
     C.  Last Month
     D.  Never

2.  Do you ever feel compelled to ask, "what would Paris do?"
     A.  Uh...yeah!?
     B.  Nope

3.  When was the last time you stuck a sticker to an object?
     A.  I stuck a smiley face on my lunchbox to remind me to smile
     B.  I stuck a political sticker on my bumper to share my depth of knowledge
     C.  I stuck a ridiculous sticker on my shirt because my cute little child gave it to me

4.  Has anyone besides yourself been in contact or possession of your luggage recently?
     A.  Yes, but he's a Nigerian prince and he's promised to give me millions in return for some basic info.
     B.  No

5.  Have you ever watched The Bachelor?
     A.  I set my schedule around it
     B.  I Tivo it and get to it when I can
     C.  I've watched it a few times
     D.  I'd rather go through a nationally televised breakup where I previously demonstrated that I'll sleep with anyone the day before I meet another "girlfriends" parents and look them in the eye while telling them how much I respect their daughter...and repeat the next day...

6.  If you were to become business partners with Spike Lee in a chain of restaurants, would you name the first one:
     A.  Eat the Right Thing
     B.  Mo Better Blueberry Pancakes
     C.  A Spike Lee Joint
     D.  Summer of Sausage

7.  How long has it been since you wore your varsity letter jacket?
    A.  10+ years ago
    B.  What do you think I'm wearing right now?
    B.  I'm more of an "academic"

8. If today is a typical day, how likely are you to say, "Seacrest out" while exiting a Starbucks?
   A.  Not very likely
   B.  Somewhat likely
   C.  I'm only human

Now add all of your answers up.

If your total comes to 8 - you're fairly decent with basic math
If your total comes to less than 8 - you might have made a basic math error
If your total comes out to more than 8 - I'm not convinced that you can actually read this...but that's ok

Thursday, September 02, 2010

How old are you?

I took one of those tests the other day to tell me my "real" age.
They ask a lot of the questions you'd think they'd ask
-How old are you? (that one felt like they were cheating a little)
-Do you havve Colon Cancer?
-Has a doctor told you that you only have two weeks left to live?
etc.

They also asked a few surprises
-Do you floss your teeth daily?

I still haven't been sent the results via electronic mail.  I'm starting to wonder if this was just a scam to gather some of my personal info. (the "What is your social security number?" and "what is your bank account number?" questions made me a bit suspicious.)

Ultimately this is what I was left wondering:
Is there a test out there that helps you determine your emotional age?
What about your socially awkward age?

I'd like to make that test...
so here I go...
well not now, I've gotta go do other stuff now...but I'm on it...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

TechnoWeblog

I have a typing machine that will take these words and make them available in Detroit...and just about anywhere else.  I can now get on this "computer" and "type" out words, or even use this electronic machine to"call" people via "headset" and it does all of the heavy lifting.

It's true.

I also have electric wires throughout my home that allow me to remotely access an electical current capable of powering my portable lighting sources and toaster oven.

Before you check the date to see if this was written in the future - there's more.

I have "pipes" that are strategically placed in several rooms of our "house" that allow us access to water...wait for it...both hot and cold!

I know

Here's the rub - I can watch televised programming produced in Detroit while enjoying air that has been conditioned to be colder than unconditioned air...while reading my Wired Magazine and playing Words with Friends on my internet pod touch while singing along with Gene Chandler's rendition of Duke of Earl

But all I'll be thinking about is our lack of trash bags...and how stuff is piling up this morning...

Lesson? 
The grass is always greener on the lawn of the people next door who have trash bags.



it's true

Monday, August 30, 2010

Unbranding

No matter how many times Leah tells me, "The Jersey Shore is my generation's Hogan's Heroes" I'm just not sure I'm going to throw it on my Tivo.

I know far less Snooki trivia than Fuller (it's actually the topic of his next book - sequel to The Sickness - "Getting Better, but still need a few days") but I just heard that major fashion brands are now sending her free SWAG.  The beauty of this is that they're sending her free stuff from their competitors.  It's the ultimate in UnBranding.

They're paying to get their competitors purses and sending them to her in the hopes that she'll throw up in them in public.

I love this.  I love this like Zack Galifinakis loves beard combs.  I almost with I had a competitor so I could send her some stuff...

Sure I could send her some Dave Coulier t-shirts and maybe get her to start a Reply To All campaign...but I feel like there is an even better idea out there...and I'm right on the cusp

Ultimately I just wanted to write a weblog post that ended in the word cusp...
so...um...cusp

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Quote of the Day

"It's better to fail while doing something
   than to fail to do anything"
           -Horace Grant *

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
* to be 100% honest here, I'm not really sure who came up with that quote...but it was probably Horace...right?

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fantasy Life

In my fantasy world I have Aaron Rodgers as my starting quarterback and he's throwing the ball to Antonio Gates.

I finished last season in fifth place.  Based on this year's draft I'm hoping for a fifth place finish again...so that's not great.  Griffin wants to start a league with our neighbor Kendrick.  They had their draft yesterday and his team looks a lot better than mine.  I guess it's easier to get good players in a two team league than a ten team one.

I'm in the process of putting together a point system for my fantasy television show league.

I figure you should get points for minutes performed, laughs received, death scenes, taking an executive producer credit, directing and five bonus points for every time you pick up the family pet.
-you've gotta have one weird category to grab attention
(how stupid is the director thing, huh?)

There are a few problems with this:
1.  There isn't a Bob Saget appearance in the works (outside of awesome voice-overs)
2.  Ed is no longer on television
3.  There aren't any pets on The Office

I'll work out the kinks on this later...but there's something to it...

Monday, August 23, 2010

America has talent...yeah it does

reason #27 Why you should be a part of community?
-it's possibly the fastest route to rock-stardom...
video

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Temp

"Why are you wearing a long sleeved shirt?"

That's something I hear fairly often.

"why don't you kick me in the throat?"

That's something I've never heard.

I walk out of my air conditioned house each morning and get into an air conditioned car.  I leave that car to go into an air conditioned office.  Today I had a meeting at Panera and people were complaining about how cold it was...but not me.

I have soccer practice a couple of times a week (coach Murphy of the undefeated Marco's Pizza Team) and I'll throw on some shorts and a t-shirt.  That makes sense to me...I'll be outside and I'll dress like it.  I might even throw on some shin guards and start a riot.

I've never understood like we always have to dress like we're going to be outside...when we know that we won't.

All I'm really getting at is that this was all an excuse to brag about getting to go to Panera and put a hilarious picture of a dog on here.  This is like a Family Circle cartoon in weblog form...
I know
I'm living the dream...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

23 floors higher than I was yesterday

I'm looking out over the not-so windy city on the 24th floor of the Dana Hotel & Spa.  I could throw a kite off our balcony and it would do nothing more than fall.  Windy City?  I think you need a new nickname.

I've never stayed anywhere quite like this.  Oh sure, I've stayed at my share of Holliday Inns...the occasional hotel with a Red Roof...but never one named after the star of Different Strokes.
 
We have hardwood floors and a concrete ceiling in our room.  Our balcony has a view of Canada...well probably not Canada, but the Rainforest Cafe.

We went and saw some pretty great improvisational comedy last night and tonight looks like more of the same.  My hope is to go there having eaten some deep dish  Malnati's with Oprah.

We're living the like the Huxtables this week yo...

Monday, August 09, 2010

oily

I was watching the weekend service (sorry Celebrations, but everyone keeps calling you "service" so I'm going to go with that nickname) and couldn't help but appreciate how far they've come since young Brad Wise joined the gang. 

Keep in mind, this is a happy gang that has only one color...and it's the color of love...or blue, depending on what color love is to you.   This isn't really about gangs, it's more about appreciating how things are flowing these days.  Overall it just feels like a better experience.  Fancy videotaped presentations, lights, stage fixin's, giant vegetables, giant orbs, a pulley system, the bearded video guy who tells great stories...I could go on and on....and...you know...on...
It's been fun to watch and for some reason that struck me on Saturday evening....not sure why...but it's gotta be a good thing...I'm not even saying this past weekend was anything special.  It just struck me that our "normal" is a better normal than it used to be.

I like that new kid who speaks, the older gentleman with the funny hair, the team that puts together the signs and displays, the friendly people handing stuff to me and that javelin throwing giant that hands me my un-recyclable cup with exactly enough room for my Diet Doctor Pepper.  There are tons of people making the whole thing happen and that's why it feels like it's a happening place (see what I did there?)

It's feeling more and more like a well oiled machine and it's fun to see.  Sometimes I forget because I'm maybe too close to it.  I've been away a lot lately because of some other commitments, and maybe that's the secret.

I'm not really sure...and it doesn't really matter.  It's just fun to experience...

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Summit is a funny word for a conference

I'm not a huge fan of watching people speak via videotape. It doesn't even really ramp up much if I know the video is actually a live feed brought to me by tiny men and women in satellites (like those really exist).

-Simply put - I've never been a fan of televangelists and giant projected talking heads.  They frighten me more than when the Bradys would meet Alice in the middle of the night in the kitchen...and she'd have that sleep mask on.

Having said that - I'm a fan of the Leadership Summit.  They're calling it the Global Leadership Summit these days...but who are we kidding?   It's basically a bunch of Americans talking to church people in America.

Having said that - it's still pretty great.(keep in mind - I'm an American who is part of a church)

So that's what I get to do today and tomorrow.  I'm really, really hoping that tomorrow is interrupted by the visit of one of my all time favorite families...but that's a whole 'nother thing.  So I'm off to go see the Ferg...and maybe even a newly married friend of mine.  Could be a great day...

Monday, August 02, 2010

insert football reference here--------------

What has two thumbs and is coaching a co-educational four & five year old soccer team?

THIS GUY! (probably work better if I could inset a picture...)

Griffin will be one of our assistant coaches and Parker will be:
1. the cutest member of our team
2. the youngest member of our team
3. the league leader in goals & assists
4. the daughter of the guy keeping statistics

So I'm looking for soccer drills/things to occupy 4 & 5 year olds for an hour.
anybody have any great ideas???

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Maverick - 1, Iceman - 0

We've been playing sandvolleyball on Sunday nights at a horribly named restaurant/bar/sandvolleyball court named Geeters.

You might know Tim McGee (formerly of your Cincinnati Bengals) is "Geeter" (see what he did there?)

He has this cool place that a bunch of our friends hang out at...we take the kids ($1.95 gets a kid's meal) and then play really bad volleyball on really nice sand.  Win Win.

The reason I bring this up is that Groupon has a pretty great deal today.  For $10 you can get $20 worth of food and drinks at Geeters (that's 10 kids meals or 4 adults meals or one kid's meal and an incredibly generous tip).  The deal expires at midnight, so if you're interested...check it out...

Friday, July 23, 2010

More is more?

The National Football League wants to go to 18 regular season games a year.

I'm not sure that I approve. (little known fact:  I have to approve of all moves made by the NFL before they're "official" - you can thank me for those lines that show up on your tv and let you know if they've made the first down).

I sometimes wonder if I'd care about baseball if they played 20 games a year.  I watch 1-2 games each year in person and 0-0 games on television.  I think if there were only 20, I'd probably watch 5-10.  Each game would be worth 5% of a seaon...instead of losing a three game homestand and having it only affect 2% of your season.  I don't have time to care about grown men playing a kid's game for that long of a season.

More does not equal more in sports.  More teams making it to the postseason just waters it down and makes it less spectacular. That's why it's a bigger deal in baseball & football than it is in hockey.  Also in the hockey playoffs you have to watch hockey...so there's that.

For the record - not a fan of more people in the NCAA tournament.
Not a fan of more regular season games in football.
I am a fan of less pre-season games.
I am a fan of The Office.
I am not a fan of any show with "dance" in the title...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

super weird

I'm on a social network named "Facebook".  I know it's a funny name...it's a book of faces?  Or it's a face that looks like a book?  Doesn't matter, it'll never last.

Having said that, I'm on it and I have some Facebook "friends".  In fact I have a ton of friends (2,000 pounds...it's actually not hard.  You get 10 big guys and you're there).
Also, like many people who attend a large church, I have a bunch of these "friends" that I don't necessarily hang out with every day.  Occasionally I'll even receive a friend request from someone I don't really know that well.  Typically I'll click the button that says something like "mutual friends".  If it's a bunch of people I know, I figure I know this person and I'll hit "accept".
It's just who I am.

The other day I received a request from a name I didn't recognize.  I looked for mutual friends and we didn't have any.  I clicked on their name and it turns out they only had three friends.  Even if these friends were huge, there was almost no chance she had a ton of facebook friends.

Would you like to know the three friends?
Sure you would
Sean Michael Murphy
Sean Michael Murphy
& a guy named Sean Michael Murphy

I would have been the fourth.
This tells me a couple of things.
1.  I was her fourth pick of Sean Michael Murphys in this world
2.  I'm fairly certain this is how a cereal killer would find out info before appearing at your house with a flamethrower and a well worn copy of Catcher in the Rye.

Friday, July 16, 2010

how great are they?

Why is Chipotle the best?
2 things - they have a burrito that couldn't improve even with bacon.
-they're dining room has the feel of an underground bunker/fightclub

now let me tell you a story...

I was hanging out bench pressing and helping old ladies cross the street when I got a call.
Hello
Hello, is this Sean Michael Murphy?
Yup
Sean, you won our fishbowl drawing at Chipotle
excellent, what does that mean?
It means you are a lucky s.o.b. Sean
by s.o.b. do you mean Student of Bob Saget?
Umm...no
and what do I get?
You get four free burritos
excellent
And so I ordered four burritos, two bags of chips with salsa and three large cheese quesadillas (I was hungry) (and we were having friends over) (and quit judging my order)

So in theory I only have to pay for the non-burrito items, right?
Wrong - Chipotle doesn't play like that...it was all free.
Free like the air you breathe and the six pack ring holder things that come with your diet dr pepper and eventually choke dolphins...

and I love them...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Batman is weird...

This could be great...in fact, I'm going to go ahead and say that it will be great.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) night at 7:30 there will be comedy performed by people standing up at Go Bananas Comedy Club .
Yup.
$5

Young Mat Thornburg will be one of the people telling jokes whildst standing.  How great would it be to be one of the people sitting and listening...and then laughing at those very jokes?
I'll tell you.
Really great

This is the semi-finals of the Funniest Person in Cincinnati contest.  They'll have a bunch of comedians perform, we all vote for Mat...and then a headliner performs and we all go home having beta-endorphins coursing through our veins.
Win-Win.

So let's all go and laugh a bit...what could be better?
8410 Market Place Lane

Montgomery, OH 45242-5332
Tel: (513) 984-9288

Monday, July 12, 2010

Predictions

I predict that Lebron James will be Florida's all time greatest basketball player named Lebron.

I predict that Dan Gilbert will feel a little stupid every time he's reminded of the open letter he wrote about the guy who used to work for him who decided to work for someone else.  Speaking of that...have you ever left a job for a new one and been branded a coward?  Seems like an odd thing to call someone who decides they'd rather work for someone else.   I'm one of those crazy people who thinks it's ok to choose what city you want to live in and who you want to work for.  I also think it's ok to want to work with my friends.  Seems like a pretty ok thing...that's just me though.

I predict we'll go metric, but alter it just a bit to make it more American.

I predict Tiger will get more coverage at the British Open than Frank Lickliter.

I predict Al Gore will be the next Bachelor.

I predict predictions are going to become the new "It" thing for weblogs in late 2010.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Best Seat in the House

The Excellence in Sports Programming Network Magazine recently determined that seat 16 in row 17 in section 113 in the HP Pavilion was the ultimate sports seat.

They factored in things like ticket price, elbow room, view, success of the team and access to things like bathrooms and beers.

There are a few problems with their numbers.
-the seat wasn't at a Steeler's game
-it was a set at a hockey arena
-it was a lone seat.  There was no other seat in that row...which was the elbow room plus.  Who wants to go to a game and sit by themself? 

I've determined that just about any seat in Prasko park(Home of the Spikes) is the best seat in sports.  In fact, I've recently been told that Monday, July 12th is Chick Fil-A night at the park.  That means free chicken sandwiches and free baseball.  Win Win.

I've determined that the right side of our loveseat in the living room or family room (I don't know which is which) is the best seat in air conditioned sports.
-Access to a 27 inch old school television set. (not flat, which makes it harder to steal)
-conditioned air flowing from beneath the loveseat
-7 feet from fridge
-13 feet from a fully functioning bathroom
-21 feet from offstreet parking (free)

Just something to keep in mind for the next Super Bowl...

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Hey Now

There are several reasons I think the Major League Baseball All Star team is silly.
Number one on that list is that I decide who makes the teams.

It's not just me, but I get to vote.  People get mad when "the best singer" gets voted off American Idol and it turns from a karaoke show into a popularity contest.  An all star team decided by fans like me (full disclosure - I'm not really fanatical about baseball) is that much worse. 

What do we know about baseball?  Don't most people just vote for their favorite players from their team?

Baseball people say that it's the little things that win in baseball....like pitching and defense.  Nobody really cares about defense when they're voting for All Stars.  We just pick the guy with the highest batting average or the most home runs.  We don't know defense any better than we understand the balk rule.  It's easy to talk numbers, but we don't know how many errors Mark Lemke has (zero). 

We're dumb when it comes to the sport...and we're the deciders of who is worthy to be named an All Star?
It's silly really...
almost as silly as me spending 4 minutes writing this...but I'm on vacation, so what else am I going to do?

Postscript - did you know that Evan Meek has a .96 Earned Run Average?
Post-Postscript - did you know that the Cincinnait Spikes have a game today at 6:30?
Post-Post-Postscript - yesterday I bought a few Florence Freedom tickets through groupon.  I'm rapidly becoming fanatical about the Freedom and also groupon as well...

Friday, July 02, 2010

The Greatest Place in the World

I went to a Cincinnati Spikes game yesterday (sortta...turned out it was two visiting teams...doesn't matter).
I didn't really know there was such a thing, but there is this beautiful baseball park with all the normal stuff - manicured field, jumbotron next to the scoreboard, concession stand....everything...right there in beautiful downtown Mason, Ohio.

It was free to get tickets.  In fact there were no tickets...you just sit wherever you like.  We went front row...and then bumped it back a couple just because we could.

this one was like a t-ball, but the ball floated as if an Angel was holding it...
Before we even went into the park the kids played on the giant inflatables that were out in the parking lot.
Those were free too.

It was a warm day, so the natural thing to do is to wander over to the ice cream truck.  This isn't the airbrushed truck you see with the guy that looks like Jerry Garcia's twin brother, the one that was too strung out on crack to hang with those uptight guys in his brother's band, and smells like wet garbage and freezer burn.  This was more like the ice cream truck of your childhood.  The only difference is that the ice cream that fills it is all free.
Yup - free ice cream truck.

Then you go into the game and sit in the front row to enjoy baseball on a beautiful down.
If you've ever taken kids to a game you know that they enjoy about a minute and a half of the game before they want you to buy them a miniature bat and an oversized pretzel.

Pretzels that were slightly larger than Brad's hats cost fifty cents.  If they made you thirsty you could get a bottled water for a quarter, or a Diet Coke for fifty cents.


Our kids loved the ringpops...so we'd toss them a quarter and tell them to keep the change...they were ten cents...
We were living like the Huxtables yo