Thursday, April 30, 2009

It's all about you

I can't figure out where football went wrong in raising little wide receiver.

At first they seemed like pretty good kids. Some came to us in the first round and some went free agent. Soon they were learning routes and figuring out reads.
And then at some point I'm guessing the NFL steps in and starts talking to them about what their touchdown demonstrations should look like.  There's a period where they're encouraged to celebrate even the most mundane of catches.  They're encouraged to run fast, but it's ok to take the occasional play off...and you certainly don't have to worry about blocking.
I wonder if they have a Looking Out For Number One camp for young receivers.
Is there a team in the NFL that doesn't have a punk playing receiver?
I was a little worried when Santonio Holmes came into the league.  He was talking garbage before training camp.  I'm guessing he was just high...
What is it about that position?
(Jones arrested for cocaine, Bryant for drunk driving, Marshall arrest 3 times this year, Henry 5 arrests, Plax arrested for shooting...himself, Moss didn't take a play off from marijuana, Owens questions his quarterback's sexual preference, Stallworth killed a guy with his car while drunk, Harrison shooting up his bar with armor piercing bullets, Smith sends a teammate to the hospital, Rice was on Dancing with the Stars)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Today marks the anniversary of a couple that carried on a love affair 64 years ago that still is talked about today. 
Young Adolf had always loved Eva and he wanted the whole world to know he married her in an underground bunker.  What young girl doesn't grow up clipping out pictures of bunkers and imagining herself someday walking through it with a bunch of her gal pals armed with ammo standing by her side?
And there on the other end was young Adolf. 
Oh sure their honeymoon didn't end very well...
I sometimes bring up that little fella with the funny mustache when someone is trying to convince me that, "it doesn't matter what you believe, as long as you truly believe it.  Whatever is true for you, is truth itself."
What about that fella.  Was his truth, truth?  He believed pretty strongly in what he was doing.  He really, really is that ok?  Am I being judgmental?  Close minded?  Narrow?
So one time I was talking about A.H. in a discussion with someone and she said, "well, really he wasn't all that bad.  It just depends on how you look at it."
Um...ok...I'm just going to go hug my kids and be on my way...yikes...

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


I can't imagine what Howie Doit is doing with news of our latest pandemic.

We've moved through stages 1-3 (primarily animal infections) and we are officially in stage 4 (five is the pandemic- widespread human infection)
So I'm stocking up on all the essentials.  If you don't have your list together yet, you can simply print mine.

-Peanut butter.  I'd go with Skippy.  You'll feel young again eating something named Skippy and that will keep your spirits up.  Peter Pan seems a little too Sandy Dunkin in tights and who eats something named Jif?

-Crackers.  You can store these simply and what's better with Skippy? (insert Michael J. Fox joke here)

-bottled water.  Can you imagine that much p.b. & c. without something to wash it down?

-Laptop Computer.  How else are you going to read my pandemic updates?

-Ed - seasons 1 through the tragic cancellation of our finest television program

-A radio controlled car.  Those are just fun.



-one of those lazer pointers (if you have a cat...but why would you have a cat?)

-a slip n' slide

-a portable generator


-a dartboard (this really seems obvious)


-Probably some relaxing music.  Something that is empowering, but won't raise your pulse too much.

Now all you have to do is go to file and hit print.

You're welcome.

Monday, April 27, 2009

don't let the man bring you down

I paid $1.79 & 9/10ths for gas yesterday.  That's a pretty good price, but I can't help but feel like the good people at the Kroger gas stop were misleading me.
Who chargest a percentage a penny for their product?  (besides those guys who hate mommy earth)
I'm annoyed when I get a penny.  It's as close to a useless coin as you can find.  I'd rather have bad luck than find a penny and pick it up.  I'm not risking throwing my back out, splitting my pants and leaving myself open to being kicked in the ear...just so I can bend over and pick up a penny.  Mommy didn't raise a fool.
So I've scientifically proved that a penny isn't worth anything.  Having said that, why is big oil throwing on 9/10ths of a penny on their petrol?
I blame the American League and their cursed designated hitter.  That seems to make the most sense...

Friday, April 24, 2009

Couple of quick things

Watched my DVR of Jeff Goldblum on Letterman last night.  For my money you can't beat Goldblum in the hot seat on a talk sheet.  It's broken stories chock full of subreferences sprinkled with visual aids.  It's just a treat for all the senses.
Double header with the Playas Sunday night.  Dinner theater at it's best.  O.K., maybe not at it's best...but for a ticket you get delicious food and mediocre, false modesty-laden improvisation. 

Get to hang out with friends tonight.  We're going to cook animal on our grill and will inevitably break into groups of three or four to talk about whatever is on Oprah today.  It just seems to happen at every small group grill out.  Is there anything she doesn't know?

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Yesterday, I drove behind 57 bumperstickers that had a car attached to their sticky side.

I had a bumpersticker on my car when I was 19.  That seemed about right...  I'm just not sure what to think nowadays when I see them.  Are these convincing people to change their mind on an issue?
I sure hate that mother earth.  I want to punch it straight in the throat.  What's that on the blue four door?  Love Mother Earth.  Hmmmm...maybe I shouldn't punch Earth in the throat.  Maybe I should love my mommy planet.
I was going to vote for Steve Cannon, but that sticker told me to vote for Mike Kelly.  I guess that's what I'll do.
Is it just advertising to convince dumb people?  Maybe dumb is strong...but easily swayed?  Do you want them on your side?  They're just going to switch back when they get back on the turnpike.
And if your kid is an honor student, they should be smart enough to pull your sticker off the car while you're casting your vote for Mike Kelly (I hear he punches planets)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Some of the movies I haven't seen:
Gone With The Wind
Lawrence of Arabia
Hotel Rwanda
A Christmas Story
The Sound of Music
Citizen Kane
Slumdog Millionaire
Das Boot
but...I have seen:

Beverly Hills Ninja
Rocky V
One of those "Hey Vern" Ernest movies
Jaws 3-D
Howard the Duck
Caddyshack II
Weekend at Bernie's
   I've only seen four movies in the last two years...and I'm starting to think that might be a good thing?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

making a list

I've been thinking a bunch about the things that are worth it.

I do a lot of do you.  Everything I do I subconsciously decide whether or not they are worth it.  I do this in an obvious way when I'm buying stuff, and in a less obvious way when I'm figuring out what I have to do next.  I don't count the costs of all the things I do, little or big.  Sometimes it's good to re-evaluate how you're spending your here's my start.
-put together a weekly time where I meet with this guy, or group of guys, to see if we can challenge each other in our lives?
-start running?
-spend more time with my kids?

-buy a new sofa?
-do you call it a sofa or a couch?
-spend 7 minutes writing a weblog?
-skip a delicious meal for something gluten free?
-invest my life in something that I'm both passionate about and also meets one of the world's great needs?

-spend the next two hours watching tv?
Most of these are obvious, it's more about paying attention.  So today might be a good day for me to re-evaluate how I'm spending my time.  Hows about you?

Thursday, April 16, 2009


I get about 80-100 or so e-mails a day to my work or my home e-mail accounts.

Yesterday I received 48 at work and 41 at home.  Of the 89 e-mails, 43 were individual e-mails to me, 22 were mass e-mails & 24 were spam.  When I sign up for just about anything these days I use a junk e-mail address, which eliminates a lot of the spam.  Luckily I still get my share.
So of the 80-100 e-mails I recceive, I'll get 2-3 a day that are "funny" e-mails.  I'm guessing I get close to 1,000 e-mails a year that have some funny video, picture, joke or song.
Now this is just an estimate, but I'll bet I find 10% of them funny.  Some people like Adam Sandler movies, some think Dennis Miller's Off White Album is amazing, and some people will travel across four states to see Carrot Top.   Some editor actually paid money to put Family Circus cartoons in their paper.  Actual U.S. currency!  We all think different things are funny....and that's ok, right?  Sure it is.
Having said that, I'll bet I've laughed out loud at 7 e-mails I've read ever.  I've thought hundreds of them were funny....but to actually sit in front of my computer and laugh out loud...that just doesn't really happen with me all that often.

This all leads me to my point.  If you don't see my response with the letters LOL, well...I'm just trying to be honest.  Statistically speaking, I'm just not going to laugh out loud at something even if I think it's funny.
I really, really appreciate when something is funny.  I'm just not a cheap laugh.  I have friends that have incredible fake laughs, and I envy those.  I just can't fake it.  And if I were to type LOL, well...that'd most likely be a lie.

And that's ok...right?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

do me a favor and click "vote" - it's for a friend of a'd like her

best quote I've read in a while

"There is a higher and a lower mode of teaching.  Books are the lower; living is the higher."
-Peter Kreeft

What's especially interesting is that the guy didn't say this...he wrote it in a book.
I'm giving a speech tonight.  You could call it a talk, a discussion, a sermon or a rant....but the bottom line is I'm talking to some folks at 7PM tonight.
That's maybe not the lowest mode of teaching, but it's definitely not the highest.  A friend of mine often says that what is caught is what is taught.  You can impress at a distance, but you only impact up close.
The problem is that living is harder than talking - spending your life in relationships is harder than preaching - life on life is a lot harder than putting together some decent notes. 
Monologue is always easier than dialogue.
and so I ironically type this all out...and maybe there's a better way to share this with the people in my world?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

New Gig

I started a new job about a week or so ago.  Normally you would know exactly when you started a new job, but mine was kind of offered...and then tinkered with...and then announced...and then my new boss went on vacation.
So I have new responsibilities, but they haven't been fully fleshed out yet.  I'm going to have a bunch of small groups that I get to work with, but we're not 100% sure which ones yet.  I'll be one of our four community pastors and we're looking at a map tomorrow to figure out exactly how we think we should divide up our responsibilities.
At the same time, I still get to do a decent amount of my old job.  I'm meeting with a lady today to talk about bringing Alpha to folks with special needs.  I spoke with some folks last week about bringing Alpha to their retirement community.  We're planning our next Alpha session for the fall and I'm putting together our Quest classes for the next four weeks.
Speaking of Quest - these are the four topics we're going to cover:
1.  Why would God allow pain and suffering?
2.  What about other religions? 
3.  Science & the Bible.
4.  What is God's will for my life?
Those seem to be four of the biggies out there...unless I'm missing a bigger one?

Monday, April 13, 2009


Just to clear up a misperception that I believe is out there.
I am a fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates, but publicly have stated that I do not support, condone or otherwise endorse the Somali Pirates.
Both have been relatively silent for a long time, but the sea faring Pirates have mounted a bit of a comeback lately.

I have a few pirate related questions?
1.  How can you take on an entire boat?
2.  If I can get on the internet and see who has a car parked at my cousin's house, can't we somehow track a boat out at sea?

3.  Do these guys make use of bandanas or eye patches?
4.  Did you see that triple play?

Friday, April 10, 2009

letter from 1989

I imagine what a note from my 1989 self would look like.

Dear Sean Michael,
    I've gotta ask you, are you serious about this Saget thing?  I can never tell if you're just messing with us or if you really believe he's the J. Edgar Hoover of the entertainment world.  Anyhow, I'm just wondering.  I also have a few comments. 
     You seem to be on that fancy home computer a lot, it seems like maybe you ought to recall our days in the weight room and our time outdoors.  Maybe worth a second look?

I'm not sure I'm all that fired up about the general condition of our car or our bank account, but both of those are probably salvageable with a little bit of effort.  I really thought this flying car thing would have taken off by now...pardon the do still hate puns, right?
I see the Steelers have continued to dominate the National Football League, but what's up with the Pirates?  I know it's not really a sport, but'd think they'd at least try to put a decent team together.  Remember 1979?  We are family with Willie, Dave and Kent Tekulve?  I guess those were the good old days for both of us...
I should get going...remember the weight room and maybe throw in the occasional salad...

P.S. great job on the smoking hot wife

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Joe Wise

Happy Birthday to two of the greats in my world.
Both funny, smart, good writers and taller than the average American male.

One has starred on General Hospital and the other can't produce insulin worth a hill of beans.
I'm a better man for knowing these two friends.
So Happy birthday fellas...
(Jason, me, Joe & Dave with the not so young Brad Wise in our laps)

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

lather up

I had a delicious, yet soup-less, meal with some friends last night.  We eventually landed on the timeless debate about how to apply soap to your body during a shower.  It seems like every dinner party ends that way, doesn't it?
I should mention that I received all of my shower training from three primary sources:
1.  Episodes of M*A*S*H
2.  Common Sense
3.  TV commercials starring Mr. John Travolta
I made the mistake of mentioning that I apply the soap directly to my skin.  Dahmer didn't get looks of disgust like this when he first mentioned his eating disorder.  If I take a raw chicken milkshake, pour it over my hands while I'm doing a home colostomy, change Parker's pull up and then pick up a bar of soap to clean my bathing suit parts....I'd better lather that soap in one hand and then use that hand to apply it to the rest of my skin....This is what I was told.
I just figured that soap was the cleansing agent that took away the bad stuff.  You take the soap and apply it to the unclean areas of your personage...right?
I am not an animal.  I am a human being.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

No points for first place

I think I entered four NCAA basketball brackets this year.  I paid zero dollars to enter and won zero dollars for winning....
Sadly I was 1 for 4 on the year.  I placed first, second, third and I don't know on the four brackets.  There was one bracket I entered that I can't find the results for this morning.
I actually picked different teams in each of the brackets for a few reasons.

1.  I had watched zero minutes of basketball going into the tournament (and still now including the tournament).
2.  I just started clicking the teams and didn't pay a whole lot of attention.
3.  The only consistent thing I did was pick North Carolina as the winner of the four brackets.
4.  I really didn't care enough to write down my picks or keep track of how I was doing.
As for the winner of my personal bracket that I put up on this here weblog?  It was young Edwin Buehler.  He placed 29 spots higher than NC, 27 spots higher than Murph owes me 8 bucks, 17 spots higher than Never Right! (possibly they should switch their name to almost never right) and 1 spot higher than Saget.
It was a banner year...

Monday, April 06, 2009

9:30 PM on The American Broadcasting Company

I know many of you are hosting Surviving Suburbia parties tonight.  I just have to cautiously prepare you for a few things that you always have to remember with a Saget joint.
1.  No matter how awesome a star is, sometimes if he doesn't get any support the show falls flat.  No matter how great the surrounding cast is it's still got to be like a pop warner team asking Ray Lewis to play middle linebacker.  You have a great player, but he may have murdered someone and they're still a bunch of kids playing offense.
2.  There was a short time where people were still wondering if America's Funniest Videos would be a hit.  It sounds ridiculous now, but there was actual talk of it not making it a second season.  Looking back we see that that would have been like filming Dumb & Dumber but never exploring the next level with Dumb & Dumberer (another Saget classsic)  Unthinkable, right?

3.  While we will hope and pray for a Stamos appearance, I think it would be distasteful to pull that one out before season two.

4.  Under no circumstance will we stand for any sort of walk on by that smarmy, scene stealing, hack of an actor, mr. big shot comedian showboat Coulier.
5.  We all get to someday tell our grandkids that we lived in the era of Full House, A.F.V, Half Baked and the Aristocrats....

Friday, April 03, 2009

list o' things

Things that need fixing around the Murphy household:

-our lawn - three years running now.  We've ignored it, worked on it, hired professional lawn fixers...and all for naught.

-our computer...I'm pretty sure it's possessed

-my jaw

-the look of this weblog...I have no idea how to have something awesome like Sags in the background.

-our brother and sister in  law gave it to us about five years ago when it was really beat up.  We have three you do the math
-our other furniture/carpet.  We bought a house with white carpet and two white you do the math.
-that little fan/vent thing in our upstairs guest bathroom.  It fell off when we had a new roof put on.  We didn't think it was a big deal...but it's really kind of annoying.
Solutions to our problems:

-I'm going to hire a college kid who is a computer expert to come over and fix our lawn while giving me advice about my tmj and mentioning that he does upholstery on the side.  I'll say, "that's crazy, because we need some work done on these couches." and he'll say, "Let me take a look...ooops, it seems I've stained your about I replace that too?"  I'll say, "well it does match the vent/fan in our upstairs bathroom" to which he'll reply, "Hey, I love installing you mind?"
and then I'll say, "while you're at it, why don't you fix my weblog!"
and he'll say, "you're a jerk, there's no fixing that thing" and walk away
Why did I have to push my luck!?

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Nobody puts Baby in the corner

Looking for a way to stretch your entertainment dollar?
Wonder what it'd be like to see the Super Bowl one night and Sags in concert the next?
Well we all have that very chance tonight and tomorrow.
Tonight the 2nd grade class at Freedom Elementary is putting on a production of Bugs.  You will see young Kendrick Crawford dancing as a yellow jacket, and Griffin Murphy singing as an army ant.  Remember when you found out that Deniro and Pacino were starring in a movie together?  That was a mere forshadowing of what is to happen this evening.  Lennon & McCartney, Carrot Top & a hillarious prop, and now Crawford & Murphy...
Tomorrow evening the Q City Players will be doing improvisational "comedy" for a fundraiser to support Ballet Tech.
Cincinnati Ballet Tech 8PM - Friday- $5 at the door

6543 Montgomery Road
Cincinnati, OH 45213

If we don't support dance, who will?

Wednesday, April 01, 2009


Four years ago today, Annie went into labor.  I remember calling friends and relatives and telling them that we were having a baby.
Several of them responded with, "yeah, yeah...April fools day...I get it.  Call us when you really have the baby" 
Apparently I'm the boy who cried baby.
If you're doing last minute shopping for Coop's birthday present yet, he tells me he wants a
GPS, a laptop, size 11 men's shoes & a flatscreen tv.
Sounds a litle bit greedy if you ask me....