Tuesday, November 30, 2010


I don't have a bucket list, but if I did...

Baptising Griffin would be up at the top with a check mark next to it.

Performing a twenty minute improv set with Second City wouldn't...but it'd be on there...and it'd have a check mark next to it as well.

These are among the highlights of my last two weeks of weblog avoidance.

I'm not saying that if you take a few weeks off of posting, that you'll have similar results...but maybe give it a try?
I've also recently been named the head coach of the Hurricanes fourth grade basketball team...so take that Isaiah Thomas!

just passing along the latest...

And does WikiLeaks sound a little like when Oliver is trying to start a rap?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Unfriend Day?

Let me state for the record (who is keeping the record these days?  Is it you Tom Brokaw?  Because I voted for you, but never actually found out who now does this...)

I'm against unfriending Chris Day.
I'm not entirely sure why this is getting national press.
I'm fairly certain that he keeps his "pokes" and farmville requests to a minimum.
He keeps a fairly tidy homepage.

Why not unfriend someone like Chuck Rangel? 
It seems like a far better choice.

How would you like it if someone started a national movement to unfriend you?
Think about that America...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What do you have to do to get fired from Congress?

Chuck Rangel was just found guilty on 12 of 13 ethics violations.
12 out of 13 will get you into the Hall of Fame.
12 out of 13 is a solid A to A- (depending on the teacher)
12 out of 13 is the actual dozen in a baker's dozen (it turns out they're just bad at math)

So what happens to a Congressman who is guilty on 12 out of 13 charges? 
He's getting a strongly written letter sent to him.
yup - that's what they do

He illegally received properties
He didn't pay taxes on properties that (we think) he bought legally.
He took money from businesses that appeared before his committee.
He impersonated the mayor of Whoville

This is what you used to get when you're late with a phone bill.
This is what you get when you play Varsity football.
This is what you used to send to someone when you were in love.
This is not what should happen to someone who was found innocent on only 1 out of 13 possible ethics violations.

Paul Sr. would punch Paul Jr. in the throat for something like this.
You'd lose a paper route, a busboy job, a manager of an Urban Active position...
I'm fairly certain that Amway wouldn't even let you sell their soap if you broke 12 out of 13 rules.
But you can come to work for the United States Governmetn fella.
just be prepared to receive a strong talking to if you break out laws...
not in person or anything...but it'll be in the mail...you can bet your bottom dollar on that fella...

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I'd like to dedicate this weblog post to the Veterans.
I'd like to, I'm just not sure what all is involved in doing so?

I assume there's some sort of requisite form or rules you have to follow when dedicating something to someone.   That makes sense, right?

I mean, it's not like they're going to benefit monetarily from me dedicating a post to them.  I guess no one really benefits monetarily when an Oscar, home run or award is dedicated to someone or something...

Honestly, I'm not sure how veterans would really gain anything by me dedicating this to them.  In fact, I don't think I'd even get a tax write off for this.  I'm not saying that I'm writing this for a tax break, I'm just saying I wouldn't turn one down if it was offered...

So here goes my post:

I'm really starting to wonder if the phrase "party pooper" was born out of an actual incident?

Just wondering...

This post is dedicated to Veterans Day.
you're welcome...

Monday, November 08, 2010

Urban Active

Close your eyes and picture this:
Actually...you'll need to call over your personal reader..and then close your eyes and picture this:

I went outside to warm up the 'ol Honda.  It was Alaska cold and I had a frozen car to get started.  So I'm sitting in a ridiculously cold car and I'm sitting in sweat pants a t-shirt and a sweatshirt.  It's 5:40 A.M.  I'm cold.  I'm not looking forward to lifting the weights (they're very heavy) but I'm making the effort to head to the gymnasium.

I signed up about 10 months ago with four friends (two of them were double billed and had to ask Urban Active to not turn their one time two year pre-pay into a monthly bill.  Oops.

So I go  in and am told to leave...

not in a "I'm sorry, but you're not out in our system anymore" kind of a way.  It was more of a "you have to leave, you cancelled your membership" kind of way.

Nuh uh. 
Never happened.  I couldn't.  I paid two years in advance.

They cancelled it for me.  I asked the front desk person if they could pull up my account.
"I'm not going to do that"
I told her that I put some effort into getting up, getting dressed and coming in...and could you please just pull it up because they've done this before and..."
"No, I'm not going to do that.  Your membership is a privilege, this is my job sir"

She said that.  She told me that my membership...that I PAID for...was a privilege.
I finally mentioned that I was really just trying to resolve this and she was being rude.

She answered (and I promise I'm not making this up) "I'm not rude, I'm a mother of six"


She then refused to talk with me and told me to come back in later when the manager was in...
but I have to work
she didn't care.

I came back and they were very apologetic and told me  they'd resolve it and call me that night or the next morning.

They didn't.
Nor did they the next day...or the next or the next or the next...

So I went in today and they told me they needed me to write a letter to their manager because they've had issues with this employee.
They didn't offer me free personal training sessions, they didn't offer me a discount on my membership, they didn't offer to do anything...not even to add time on to my two years to make up for my lost time and cancelled membership.

They literally just asked me to help them fill out paperwork so they'd have something for their H.R. department.

I'm not really a fan...that's all I'm saying...

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

The Elect

Today is election day or, as I like to call it, Adults get to wear stickers day.

Wear an "I gave blood" sticker and suddenly your a hero on par with Sully Sullenberger, but try to wear a My Little Pony sticker to work.  You won't make that mistake twice.

An "I voted today" sticker - you're Abraham Lincoln changing the world.  One Hello Kitty sticker and your branded for the next decade.

I don't look at today so much as Election day as I look at it as "No more annoying robot phone calls from phony politicians Eve"

Looking forward to Wednesday...

Monday, November 01, 2010

The Politics of Humor

I've finally figured out the perfect was to sway marginally informed voters.
You got some political jokes?  That's about all you need.

I've head a silly more people quote comedians political commentaries and go on to later rip Fox New or MSNBC.

The great thing about political humor is that people use the jokes as the basis for their beliefs.  People take stances on issues with insight pulled from Jon Stewart.

Here's what's great about his job.  He has complete deniability.
I heard him in a debate once and when he was told that something he aired on his show was a complete fabrication, his answer was "look, I'm on basic cable and am followed by crank calling puppets" and people laughed and moved on. 

Letterman does it all the time.  He's go off on Obama, Bush or some issue and every once in a while he'll have a serious political analyst who shoots holes in his argument.  He does the same thing that Stewart does.  "I'm basically a dumb guy from Indiana, what do I know?"

It's the perfect out.  You can take shots and then back away from any sort of responsibility.

I think if I was considering politics because I genuinely wanted to see policy change and sway public opinion in a certain direction - I'd start writing me some jokes.

Jokes are funny - and seem to be the engine driving the younger folks these days...
That and 24 hour robot phone calls to my house telling me how to vote...
I'm ready for Wednesday