Thursday, July 28, 2011

Things I learned on Vacation

If I was going to give you advice on how to plan and enjoy your vacation, I'd point to just a few keys to the whole deal:

-Tops on the list to any succesful vacation is asking your Aunt Debbie to stay at one of her houses in a resort area.

-You might also throw a roll of paper towels in the back of your miniature van for spills.

There's a big dropoff after those two gems.

I will say that it's fun to eat at a few restaurants owned by Food Network Stars.  Keep in mind that you pay 12-140% more for a meal, but it'll be a good one.

The ocean is a good bet.  It's free - beautiful - you can people watch and/or whale watch - you can kill animals (starfish, sanddollars, etc.) or be killed by animals (sharks, stingray, deranged postal worker, etc)

If you can't make it to the ocean, then you should at least rent Point Break and eat a sour patch kid every time Bodhi risks his life or punches Keanu.

I should work for Fodors...

Thursday, June 30, 2011

River Cats We Barely Knew You...

The River Cat's season is no more.
Griffin's baseball team ended with a one run loss in the semi-finals of this year's championship run.

old pic...couldn't find one from this year
Cooper's baseball season is over as well, and that means a few things:
1.  We aren't at 6 hours of warmups and baseball games every Saturday
2.  Neither of their teams will win this year's World Series
3.  Um...feels like there should be at least three if I'm going to start numbering things...

Griffin had a great playoff run.  He was 7 for 7 in his last two games.  In the final game he threw a kid out trying to steal third base, was 4 for 4 and hit two balls over the head of the centerfielder.  I couldn't think of a better way for his season to end...

...outside of them maybe winning the game...that would have been good too...

Friday, June 17, 2011

Take your daddy to work day

Parker brought me in to the office today.  She's showing me the ropes and helping me to get organized. 

Turns out my desk is a mess...

We're hoping that she'll be able to help get things going for the Summer of Service.
I hear they're finishing up details and still need a bunch of people to help out.

She was hoping to speak one night, but lately she's been thinking more about wrapping the popcorn bags...both are good...

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Nick of Time

This isn't a review of the mid-90's Johnny Depp vehicle with Christopher Walken....but I dare you to find a motion picture with two of the greats that is equally as bad as that motion picture.

Nope - I just read the Kindle version of this Tim Downs novel.  Under the title it reads, "A Bug Man Novel".  I didn't see that when I selected this book.  I probably wouldn't have selected it...

It's nothing against bugs - or men for that matter - it's just that I'm generally not jumping on board anything with bugman in the title.

Having said that - this is a pretty solid book.  It reads sort of like the popular television series Bones plays out.  Part mystery - part forensic science - part romantic will they/won't they.

Here's the best thing I can say about the book.  I kept wondering if the main character was in other books.  It just read like one book in a series of books....and the kind of series I'd like to read.

That settles it, right?  If you want to read more books with this character then you obviously like the book...that just makes sense.

So there's a little bit of action - a little big of clever dialogue - a little bit of bug factoids - and in the end Bruce Willis was a ghost.

I'd give this book a looksy if I was picking out one or two vacation novels.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Livin on a Prayer

We're halfway there

Our family has decided to simplify our lives through the reduction of our collective stuff.
I have no idea how much stuff we have, but I do know that it's about to drop by a thousand.

The sad thing is that when I brought this idea up - it seemed like no big deal.  That's a sure sign that we have way too much stuff.

On some level it's difficult to feel like I'm an outsider living by a different rules - walking against the grain of the world and living for the Kingdom...while watching my new flatscreen television and ignoring my neighbors. (still suffering from buyer's remorse from that cursed television)

I'm not sure reducing the amount our stuff actually moves me forward in that direction, but it can't hurt.
Very simply, we have more than our share of stuff.

So we're putting things into boxes.
We have the Keep box
We have a Give Away box
We have a Sell box
& we have a Throw Away box

We've given a bunch of clothese, books & toys to our neighbors, friends and the Healing Center.

We sold 175 books & magazines to Half Priced Books and we still have boxes to go through in our basement.   Side note - those books & magazines went for $ that's probably not going to pay the mortgage this month.

We've thrown away a silly amount of stuff.  I had no idea that we had so many half filled notebooks, video tapes and broken electronics.

We're halfway there.  We just hit 500 items and will continue to move forward. 

I hope to one day only own two sets of clothing and Dennis Miller's Off White Album.

one day at a time

Wednesday, June 08, 2011


A few notes from our recent staycation:
-Genius idea to get those passes to the King's Island (side note: not really an island...saw no king)
-Good idea to get those Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden passes
Coop flying at the King's Island
-Scheduling something for every single morning and every single night was dumb
-We celebrated Parker's 5th birthday and Annie's as well...not fifth...
Mist tunnel at the Zoo is genius
-Annie and I took six weeks of Foster/Adoption classes in three days (we're super smart)
-Several baseball games were watched
-We enjoyed another awesome night at Prasco Park with free Chick Fil-A, ice cream, t-shirts and more Chick Fil-A

free ice cream, baseball, chick fil-a, and family night out

-We hung out with a lot of great friends
-We cured cancer
-No animals were harmed during the entire staycation (unless you count those delicious chickens that gave up their lives so that the good people at the baseball game could enjoy them)

Friday, May 27, 2011

Summer Living Having a Blast

See what I did there?  What I did was take some popular lyrics from a motion picture from back in...

Anyhow, we have some plans for this year's Staycations.

2 Biggies are popping up on the list this year

1.  The Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens.
This is how it works - the Zoo is how they got my money - the botanical gardens are what keep you coming back again and again... "Quick dad, let's go look at those Rhododendrons!"

2.  King's Island
I haven't been there in about ten years.  This just seems tailor made for a family more known for their staycations than their trips abroad.  You could spend a day at the park, a day a Boomerang Bay and you could spend a day in line for one of the rides.  That's three days right there. 

Also in the works - The Murphy Family Olympiad II
I've been working on my three balloon float time and am excited about this year's new event - The let's see how long we can stay quiet while dad reads a book on his nook

Should be a great summer

Monday, May 16, 2011

Addition Addiction

I'm addicted to one thing
I want more entertainment, more electronics, more Bruegger's Bagels Herby Turkey sandwiches, more of Isaac's stories, more History channel, more money, more leadership, more tools, more hot water, more time with Annie, more...

More is a funny word.  Not - let's welcome to the stage More - kind of funny.  More like, "I was talking to more the other day and she really has an interesting way of saying things" kind of funny.

William Idol once said, "too much is never enough" and I think he snarled in the middle, but I wasn't sure how to convey that via weblog.

I'm addicted to excess.  I love more...but I'm not sure it always loves me back...
 Today maybe I'll cut back on a few things...bit by bit...I could keep writing, but that'd be more

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Q City Players Contract Rider Goes Public

For years people have asked to see this.
Young Improvisers have asked for it, comedians, actors, you name it.  We wanted to keep this private, but it's finally been announced that WikiLeaks is going to publish this anyway...

So here is the official Q City Players contract rider:

-A black station wagon is to meet the talent at the nearest available airport and honk the horn every 30 seconds until all the luggage and talent have boarded.  The driver must wear a ship's captain hat.

-Backstage is to be open to the Q City Players fanclub 2 days prior to their performance to set up the hospitality suite.

-Chris Day's "Assistant" is to be referred to as Ralph Machio and/or Florence Henderson - depending on the outfit

-All of the non-brown M & M's are to be removed from the 33 ounce glass bowl backstage

-7 white socks are to be placed on each of six wooden stools

-No one is to look Chris Smyth directly in the eye, nor Isaac directly in the beard.

-Management is to inform the staff that at any point they may be slapped

-There is to be no mention of Joe's waxed arms

-At any point Sean Michael Murphy might require the services of a local meteorologist

-in the event of a hurricane, tornado, thunderstorm or light rain - the performers reserve the right to not perform

-Missy is to be referred to as Missy, Miss or Mrs. Jackson if you're nasty

-6 1 liter bottles of Diet Mr. Pibb and one Grape Nehi are to be cooled to 45 degrees

-a local boy scout guide is to provide Eddie with directions to 3 local Indian burial grounds

-Jen would like to keep track of everyone in the room's cellular telephones

-Absolutely no animals are to be harmed in the preparation for their performance...outside of cats...that's cool

-a tattoo artist is to be on hand and prepared to ink up any of the performer's wives at any point

-the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is to allowed instant backstage access without showing identification or anything else for that matter

-The talent will do press with the following news organizations only:

-There are to be no urinals on the premises

-We're really serious about the urinal thing

-Alton Alexander is to be tackled if he attempts to walk on stage

-The Q City Players receive 90% of all proceeds from their:
 -Q City Players alarm clocks
 -Q City Players slippers
 -Q City Players autographed Styrofoam cups
 -Q City Players tote w/luggage tags
 -Q City Players gold plated, jewel-encrusted crunk cups

-No references to Dave Coulier please

Friday, April 22, 2011

Good Earth Day

I'm never sure what to get Earth on it's big day.  You hate to give her a gift card, but you know that that's probably what she wants.  It's just not very original...and who wants to buy a practical gift?
Not me.

I finally landed on a tried and true unoriginal, yet somewhat creative gift.
I'm going homemade coupon book.

Here's a sample of what I gave Earth:
-Good for one back rub
-one night free babysitting
-I'll clean any room you choose
-3 days of not making fun of Antarctica
-free car wash
-breakfast in bed
-I'll stop construction on my Styrofoam city
-a hug

I hear it's also Good Friday.  Seems like an odd name for the day.  You'd think we would have gone with awful Friday, Sad Friday...or if you're familiar with the ending - Awesome Friday or Grace Friday.  Good Friday just seems kindda Vanilla.

On the flip side, Vanilla is there's that...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Radically Unleashed into a Sold Out Wanderer fighting the Current Religion Institutional Systems

I sometimes wonder if the church has become a sounding board of awesome ideas unrealized.  We're awesome at planning/talking/writing, and not as awesome at doing/being.

I look at sermons on prayer vs. unattended prayer meetings.  Sermons on serving vs. unfilled serving roles.  Articles about sacrifice vs. the reality of unmet needs.  Weblog posts complaining about stuff vs me doing something about it... So this was my fear about Unleashed.  Was this another book about reaching into something amazing that would revolutionize the world!?!?

O.K., enough about me.  I'm here to review the Erwin McManus book Unleashed.  I was sent a free copy of the book in exchange for the following words...which means this weblog post is worth about twelve bucks.

This was a fairly quick read because I realized fairly early in that I'd already read The Barbarian Way.
Turns out this was the same book.
A cynic would say that he's just trying to sell more books without having to write new books.
A cynic would point out that that first guy was just being cynical -and judgmental on top of that.
A more sensitive person would ask why I was assuming the cynic was a guy.

Turns out that Erwin liked his first book but the title made it seem like a book that only men would read.  I'm not really sure about the etymology of Barbarian...but I'd probably assume he was talking about a dude too. (stop judging me, Erwin said it first)

So my first thought was this was another hipster pastor who loved to talk about this radical thing that would go against the grain of traditional faith/church/christians/thinking.  This isn't your grandpa's faith, yo!

My second thought was - maybe this guy is the real deal.  Maybe it isn't just words on a page.  Why don't you just read it for what it is?

Turns out it's a pretty solid read.  Erwin challenges, encourages and points to something more than jumping through the hoops of life and faith.  He talks of a raw, unscripted life that points toward stepping into things that are unfamiliar or, at best, uncomfortable.

"Perhaps the tragedy of our time is that such an overwhelming number of us who declare Jesus as Lord have become domesticated - or, if you will, civilized. We have lost the simplicity of our early faith. Beyond that, we have lost the passion and power of that raw, untamed, and primal faith." p.12

If you like books that challenge you and/or cause you to re-evaluate your day to day marching orders...this probably would be worth a read.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


I'm being asked to work all this week.  Next week too!
I know.
A couple of quick facts
1.  Today is April the 20th
2.  The Wedding of the Century is April the 29th.
3.  That's single digits
4.  I know that four facts is not a couple of facts, but sometimes I just keep typing...

How am I supposed to work while so much needs to be done in preparation for the wedding?
How am I expected to feed and care for my children when we're moments from the single greatest event of our lifetime?

This is a guy that was born into a family.  This is a girl that is marrying a guy that was born into a family.  This is an historic occasion of two people who have accomplished so much coming together as one.

If people don't see that as a reason to close the post offices, schools, swimming pools and all Dave & Busters - well this isn't the America that I was born into!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Movie party thing

Big Movie release party tonight.  There are a couple of things you should know about this motion picture - Hitting the Nuts.
1.  It was improvised
2.  It's been in two film festivals so far
3.  It was voted - Best Feature Film, 2011 Derby City Film Festival
4.  It was voted - Audience Choice for Best Feature Film, 2010 Cincinnati International Film Festival

5.  No animals were hurt in the making of this motion picture
6.  When you get the best possible hand dealt to you in poker, you have just "hit the nuts"
7.  What I'm saying is this isn't actually a reference to getting hit in your bathing suit parts
8.  My friend Joe worked really hard on this, and it's pretty great to see someone's hard work pay off
9.  It's for sale here.
9.  The party is tonight at Go Bananas Comedy Club doors open at 7:30.
10. We're going to perform improvised comedy at the aforementioned club
11. You're invited

Thursday, April 07, 2011

God and Guinness

In the interest of full disclosure, I was sent this book for free in return for this review.
Also in the interest of full disclosure, I used to steal quarters off my dad's desk.

My dad (the one who was always asking, "Where'd all my quarters go?" )  Had a house built on the west coast of Ireland.  He loved to travel there and hang out with the locals.  He also knew that he had to take visitors to all of the tourist spots when they traveled there for the first time.  One of the obvious tourist spots was St. Patrick's Cathedral.  I remember being in this amazing tribute to God and wondering, "Do they really have a gift shop here?  Is that a Guinness key chain they're selling here?"

We also went to the Guinness factory in Dublin.  Hypocritically they had no God key chains for sale in their gift shop.  If only I'd read this book before visiting the factory. I wasn't sure what to expect when I first picked up this book, but soon found myself drawn into the amazing story of this incredible family. I'm sure I'd be just as impressed if they'd produced ankle socks, but I probably wouldn't have visited their factory.

I read the book wondering what the connection ultimately was with God and Guinness, and I'm not sure this book was completely satisfying in that regard. I think "Guinness and God" would probably be a more accurate title, but that doesn't change the fact that this bit of history was engaging from start to finish. I should also mention that there is quite a bit of history of alcohol and the church beyond Guinness.

You could categorize this book as a history book, a business book, a social responsibility book, or even a biography of sorts.

I've already recommended the book to several friends, one of whom is reading my copy at this very moment... It's definitely worth a read & it's a quick one at that.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Angry with the Wiffle Balls!

I received an electronic message via my cellular telephone yesterday informing me that I was a winner. 
Actually it read, "You lucky SOB"
As a Christian man I assumed that "SOB" meant servant of Bible - turns out it meant that I won a kindle from the Seeker.

I immediately made plans to buy an electronic copy of Rob Bell's book and burn it, but then someone told me that I'd also lose the Kindle...and my street cred. (side note - I'm not jumping onto either side of this whole thing.  One side is mad about the book assuming what it says - One side is mad at people that they're assuming haven't read the book - a third side hasn't read the book and hasn't been pulled into the anger of either position - a fourth side is wondering how many sides this thing really has?)

So here's the Sophie's choice moment - Do I get the Kindle and enjoy words electronically, or do I trade her in and opt for a Nook and/or some sort of Android type tablet?

Keep this in mind - Sophie was choosing which one of her kids would live and/or die.
I'm making a similar decision, except it's what I should buy with Amazon dollars. 

So I already have the Kindle application on my laptop computer - I can enjoy the Ripple from the convenience of this device and/or my new tablet.

I'm really at a crossroads here.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

they're watching us...

I've received four electronic mail messages in the past week informing me that I'm about to get electronically harassed by the spam terrorists.

Scary, right?
Sure - I'll go ahead and answer for you.

It was interesting when one company sent me a "we screwed up" note.  Turns out they're system was hacked into and that means that everything they knew about me is now known by the electro-terrorists (working on the copy write on that one).  It was disturbing when the second company sent me basically the same message.

It was alarming when my bank sent me the same note.  My bank's system was hacked! (that warrants an exclamation, does it not?)

Assuming the electro-terrorists know my passwords, that means it's fairly likely they've hacked this it stands to reason that I'm not even writing this...

That means they've hacked this weblog and now they have access to your computer and will fairly soon steal all your stuff and sell it on the electronic bay.

Where will it stop?

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Gospel in a verse?

Someone once told me that the entire Gospel (Good News) was contained in one verse - Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

He explained that it quickly sums up the results of our living lives separate of a God who loves us...which is demonstrated by His gift to us.  It doesn't tell us how to earn it, deserve it or create a plan around getting's a gift.  It's the ultimate in good news.  Good probably falls a little short here.

There are entire religions built around being a good person - doing the right thing.  That doesn't describe the receiver of a gift - that describes the receiver of a paycheck.

A gift is something received or rejected, but never earned...

I'm not sure any one verse can sum up the great news - but I do like this one...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Tweet like fortunate post

My fortune cookie read:
"Your mentality is alert, practical and analytical.
Lucky #'s 3, 6, 10, 18, 24 & 40"

That's sortta ironic, right?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


stare at this for 30 seconds (not the clock, the website linked) unless you're epileptic...that'd be bad....

and then stare at the back of your hand that's on your mouse...

weird, huh?

Monday, March 28, 2011

12 years and one day

Twelve years and two days ago I was a single man.  That all changed on March 27th, 1999.
My life has never been the same.
I married a beautiful young woman that is now an even more beautiful young woman.
She's still the prettiest girl in every room and she still makes me laugh.
She's also changed a bunch in some pretty great ways.
I've watched her love our three kids.  I've seen the way she loves our friends and neighbors.
I've seen her mad, sad and glad.  I've seen her put up with me rhyming for no particular reason.
We've celebrated 12 years together and each gets better than the last.
I'm a lucky man - and I'm sure glad my life has never been the same...

Friday, March 18, 2011

Big Show Tonight

And by "Big" I mean that Tom Hanks will make an appearance.
If you like comedy that is being improvised right there on the spot, you'd probably love The Second City.  They're really great.  They're also in Chicago, so you'd be better off seeing the Q City Players tonight at Taza in Clifton.

The show begins at 8:30 and ends at 10 PM because 10 AM seems way too long.
Come on down... and join us - it should be fun...
TAZA - 2900 Jefferson Ave in Clifton

Thursday, March 17, 2011

It's a Poker Thing

An award winning motion picture has made it's way to a city near you....through the magic of the world wide web.  This movie was 100% improvised comedy...and how could you not like that?
Seems like it'd be the perfect birthday/St. Patrick's Day/early Christmas gift...

You can buy it here, here or here

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

NCAA Bracket

It's that time of year.  If you want to enter a pool, but don't want to spend a dollar...or five...or whatever it is people are charging these days...go to this one.

Could be fun.  I also like them better if you put your name next to your team name.
For instance:  My team name might be Saget, but I'll put it like this
Saget (Murph)
(Side note - this isn't the real's just a illustration for people like me who can't read)
That way when people are asking, "How did Saget get 100% of these wrong?" you'll know that it was me...

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

lead much?

Today's leader:

I wonder if this is why we've grown cynical of politicians - why people are staying away from churches - if it's why corporations are falling apart.  We've lost our way.  We're looking for champions who lead us into battle, out of battle.... into or out of anything....

It seems like it doesn't matter what you long as you've got a big megaphone and the guts to say it...but is that a leader or a spokesmodel? 

Maybe a better model?

This is what we need.  Leaders lead.  They might talk, they might write awesome weblog posts with colorful figurines, they might play euchre...but they definitely model. 
And maybe the cool thing about this whole idea is that anyone can do it.  You can lead your family, your co-workers, your friends, your neighbors, your employees or even your employers...right now...

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Duty Now For The Future

In 1978 the greatest band of all time (to come out of Akron) came out with, arguably, the greatest first album of all time (to come out of Kent State) "Q:  Are we not men? A: We are Devo!"

This flower-pot wearing band put out some of the greatest music of our time (from Northern, Ohio...specifically Kent & Akron).
-Greatest song of all time involving a whip? -Whip It (obviously)
-Greatest cover of a Rolling Stones song - Satisfaction
-Greatest song that you'll never hear at a karaoke bar - Girl U Want

Mark Mothersbaugh (lead singer of the greatest band to ever play the mini-moog) has created more film and television scores than there are films and television shows...and I'm only exaggerating a little...
He composed the music you hear in the Get a Mac commercials.
He single handedly wrote the song that shut up Barry Manilow.

Devo has been around for 35 years.  I've heard everything they've ever played.  While I'm not a Devo-tee (that's gotta be the fan club name, right?)  I would say I know more about them than most.

So why did it take me until yesterday to find out that Devo stand for De-Evolution?
I'm dumb...

Friday, February 11, 2011

On Call

I'm on call right now.  At any point I can be called upon to serve and protect.  More serve probably...not so much protect.  It's not that I'm against protecting, that's just not part of my gig.

So I don't schedule as many meetings on a day like this.  You'd hate to be 15 minutes into your Amway presentation only to be "called" away.  I'll be monitoring my cellular and office phones throughout my day until 5 o'clock. 

And then I'm on call to perform comedy with the Q City Players.  We have an out of state gig...and you should know that when I say gig, I don't really know what I'm saying, and also feel kind of dumb.  Either way, we'll be making up stuff in front of a bunch of people.  This is sort of like being on call, except it's a lot more pressure and it's possible that you'll end up wetting yourself in the process.

This weekend I'll be on call Saturday AND Sunday. 

All this to say, you're in good hands America.  I've got you covered.
you're welcome

Thursday, February 10, 2011

This is a real thing?

The Streetflyer is "hangliding for people afraid of heights".  The concept is you get this thing going and then you lift up your legs and enjoy the feeling of flying...from 3 feet in the air.  It seems like she's having fun.

It's not that different than Fred Flintstone pedaling his car and then lifting his legs...or a kid on a bike coasting...or me pretending like I'm helping to lift the appliance when I help you move...but really my hands are just sort of under the refrigerator. (you don't want to ask me to help you move)

I think if this thing sticks, I might have to invent a few more genius ideas for people with phobias.

Quick idea:  I could do a 2,000 square foot elevator for people with claustrophobia.
...and that's just the start. 
(patent pending)

Wednesday, February 09, 2011


Word used by Seth Godin that I had to look up? Autarky

au·tar·ky  noun

the condition of self-sufficiency, especially economic, as applied to a nation.

a national policy of economic independence.

Didn't know what it meant until I read his post - liked/agreed with his post...and now I'm all the better for having read it.

Best word used in the two hour meeting I just came out of?
Didn't look it up - just appreciated it. 
Best word I'll hear at our next meeting?
I agree
and what's better than people agreeing?  This post could literally transform the Middle East if they all just took it to heart...
Also - I'm fairly certain most of my Saget commentary could do them some good.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

A few things I don't need to hear anymore

-"I'm not going to lie to you"
So the assumption is everything else you've said is...???

"I use to think/believe/be like/do that"
So the assumption is that you've moved on...or past where I currently am?  On the surface this feels like empathy, dig a little deeper and I think you'll find condescension.

(fill in the blank any question to themselves followed by their answer)  Does it bug me when people ask themselves a question and then answer it?  Yup 

"Quit trying to steal my wallet Sean" - if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that...or for every dollar I've stolen...

Monday, February 07, 2011

No points for second place

If Top Gun taught us anything, it's that it's ok to wear jeans when you're playing sand volleyball.
also...there are no points for second place...
Ironically, you get four points for placing third

I wanted the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the big game last night.  In fact, it's the biggest of games.  It's like the Super Bowl of football.

They didn't.  I will say that I'd rather them lose to the Packers than pretty much every other team.  I thought the Patriots were the best team this year, but apparently they weren't.  Organizationally, I've always respected the Packers and I like a lot of their players.  They're quarterback used to be a Young Life leader and I go to the Vineyard with the punter's it's almost like I'm on the team.

Anyhow, it was a great game...and isn't that really the goal?
I'm serious...isn't it?  I really want someone to talk me down from the ledge here and tell me that that's the goal and not winning..

Friday, February 04, 2011

Finally, some love for my fellow sufferers...

After nine years Homeland Security has decided to discontinue the color-coded terror alerts.
For 2/3rds of my children, they've never lived in a world without connecting the color yellow with elevated.

I can't remember how many times Parker has come up to me and said, "Daddy, I drew this picture all by myself and I even colored the doggy guarded"  Now she'll just call it blue.

Here's the bottom line:
I am color blind.  I've had to live in a world with an elevated sense of panic for nine years... knowing the full time that I would have no idea what the actual threat level was that day.

Not any more fellow Americans.  What's the new system?  Nobody really knows, but I have a few suggestions.
The sitcom system

The threat today is low = we're at a threat level Modern Family.
Moderate threat =Any show with a former member of Seinfeld of Friends
Extreme threat = Ted McGinley has joined the cast

I think this could be done with photographs.  I lean towards black and white photos, but that's the genius of this works for everybody.
You're welcome America

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

O 2.0?

I've checked Wikipedia, CNBC, US Weekly, and every other credible news source and I still have no idea how we elect the next Oprah.

Time is running short and if we're left Oprah-less just because nobody had the foresight to think this through, I'm going to chain myself to a tree and sing the "I'd like to buy the world a coke" song indefinitely.

If it's an election, an ordination or coronation...I don't care.  We just need to get moving.

Who is going to tell us what to read, who to vote for and what teenage hookers that go to college are thinking?
You?  Are you going to do that?
didn't think so...

A couple of quick nominees:
Mr. Mark Lemke...obviously.  Who wouldn't want a plucky ex-2nd baseman as their next Oprah?

Liu Xiaobo - who better to replace Oprah than our reigning Nobel Peace Prize winner?
Who am I kidding?  Are you really going to read a book that was in the Liu book club?  Forget I said anything...

Here's what I'm thinking - you get Gayle and who really is responsible for Gayle's success/decisions/income/connections/air supply?  If you answered "Oprah" you get one point.

With Gayle you get the GENIUS behind the curtain.  What better successor for Oprah than Oprah?

Somebody just solved the Oprah crisis...

You're welcome

Monday, January 24, 2011


You know it's nearing the end of December because the Steeler's are getting ready for the Super Bowl (again...)

Their pass defense isn't so great, and they're playing possibly the best quarterback in the world.  In the interest of full disclosure, I have a football team that only plays in a fantasy world and Aaron is my quarterback. 

Had a camera shoved up my nose and down my throat the other day.  Not as fun as you'd think.
Didn't have anything down there of major concern.  More fun than you'd think.

Good news - Griffin lost another baby tooth.
Not great Fairy news - apparently she's sick and her replacement forgot to stop by last night (thanks Rock)

The snow has been falling, but we haven't had that great packing sledding/snow ball snow yet.

Ultimately how can we worry about the quality of snow when there are fairies out there struggling with what I can only imagine is an awful care of the gout?

Friday, January 14, 2011


Stressful meetings - deadlines - changed plans - losing the playoffs

As an undefeated coach who will most likely get inducted into the basketball hall of fame based on my teaching of the motion offence to fourth grader - it probably seems like I'd have no stress.
I was eating with a guy early this week and he said, "I just like to ask God what He's up to whenever I head into something I can't handle on my own".

I liked that.  When things get overwhelming, he just steps back to see what God might teach him.  I do something a little different.  I tend to over analyse and tune out everything that isn't a problem.  All I see are the potential issues future problems.

He uses it as an opportunity to lean into what God might be using to shape him.

I go in with stress - he goes in with a peace that transcends understanding.

I like his way better...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Paying it Power Forward

For some reason this was skipped in the Sunday papers, so let me get you up to date.
The Hurricanes basketball team is indeed undefeated.

I am, once again, the coach of these defeatless Hurricanes.  I've decided to drop some of my extensive basketball knowledge on these fourth grades.  Your welcome youth.

Griff made the starting lineup and outscored the other team (6-5). 

We had a strong defensive game and really crashed the boards (that's a thing, right?) so I'm predicting big things to come.

We'll win league, that's just a time waster.
After we win the city tournament though, I imagine we'll run into some solid competition at States.  It's the National tournament that we're really looking at though.  I'm not sure if they'll automatically put us in the championship game or make us go along with the charade of the first few rounds.
Either way, you can mark my words...although, they're right her in the they're kind of already marked...2011 National Champions - The West Chester Hurricanes.

You probably didn't even hear it here first - I'll bet the words already out...

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

While I was away

There have been enough people asking where I've been (you can shut down the "I'll punch a baby seal in the throat if Sean doesn't bring back his weblog" Facebook page now)

So I figured I'd let you know why I haven't been posting on the 'ol weblog.
I've been:

Giving to the poor
working out
tuturing orphans
giving blood
apologizing to people for the United States involvement in Vietnam
rescuing stay dogs
rescuing dogs that still have homes (often neglected for the rescue efforts)
curing cancer
mentoring Michael Stipe
memorizing all of Tolstoy's work
constructing an ark and hoping to fill it with clowns that I can send somewhere
I'm kind of a big deal...

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

I'm Rich!!

I just received the following electronic mail:
(highlights are mine)

Dear Sean,

I am J R Lomax of HSBC, A Member of the Group Audit Committee.

A transfer of $24.5 million was deposited by one of our late customer, Alfred Murphy.Who died without declaring any next of kin before his death in 2003.

Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is to stand as the next of kin to him, since you bear the same Last Name. So you will be able to receive this funds to your own nominated account.

Please this transaction must be kept CONFIDENTIAL,we shall share in the ratio of 50/50.


JR Lomax(Ms)

That's right people.  I'm going to be living like the Huxtables.
All I had to do was send some basic information to JR to get the ball rolling.
And soon I'll be rolling in the great is 2011???!!!!?!?!?!