Friday, April 27, 2007

Prayer in School

I don't really get the bring back prayer in school argument. I get that things were largely better back in the old days...but because a teacher led a prayer?

First of all - kids, teachers, janitors, counselors - they all already have the chance to pray in school....every day. You can't really stop that. It's just silly.

Second of all - do you really want teachers to teach or lead your kids in prayer? I've met a lot of teachers and I'm not sure that's who I want talking to Griff about prayer.

Silly I tell you...just silly.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

a few things

a few things that should be outlawed:
-white furniture and white carpet
-movies starring the children of the producers
-Fuller's shoes

a few things/people that deserve their own holiday:
-Sports (it'd be like Thanksgiving with wings instead of the turkey)
-Mother Teresa
-Labor day where we celebrate women who have gone into Mother's day but better

a few things that were better before the cell phone:
-dinner conversations without cell phones
-talking with friends in the car
-you'd never hear, "I'm too sexy for my shirt" when grandma called

a few "churchy" words that I'd like to see go away:
-the youth (as in, the youth came to our Michael W. Smith Karaoke party)

a few people I'd like to see win the lottery:
-Rick Scherr
-Evan Griffin
-Erik Hofmann (I'd like to see how they'd spend it....I'm guessing well)

a few shows I'd like to come back on tv:
-Tenspeed and Brownshoe

Monday, April 23, 2007

bad bad bad

During the last episode of The Apprentice, Donald asked one of the guys who had been previously fired who he should hire. They were at the Hollywood Bowl and there were thousands of people watching.

The guy said, "well Mr. Trump, I'm a big believer in strong men and I think James is a strong man who could get the job done" and the men in the crowd all started cheering and shouting.

Donald then asked the guy next to him what he thought, "Steve, I was going to ask you what you thought, but I see you clapping...obviously you agree that I should hire James" "Well Mr. Trump, this is the year of the man and he's an outstanding man who could get the job done."

and the crowd went nuts...

I don't just seems a little sexist.

wise wise words

I've done some serious soul searching these past few days. What with the possibility of a couple of very big new things, the newness of spring, the current political climate of our can't help but ponder a few things.

This has been a reflective time for me. I took some time to think through where I've been and where I'm going. I've soaked in some of our accomplishments and worked through some of our defeats. I think every one of us should do something just like this every month or so.

It's good for the soul. It's almost like....I don't know...when you're sick and someone brings you over a nice hot bowl of soup...of chicken soup....with some noodles. It's almost like Chicken Noodle Soup for the Soul. (I think I'm on to something here)

So after these 23 years that I call my own, I've learned a few things:
1. Rain X is probably the single greatest invention of all time.
2. If loving Bob Saget is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.
3. There are three bands in every single city in these United States that are more talented than any band currently in the top 40.
4. We begin with Monday
5. It still feels a little naughty to call Wednesday "Hump Day"
6. fishing and Nascar are sports like my lawn is the seventh fairway at Pebble Beach.
7. If you're famous and you have an "an" in your name - your fans will become "----anatics"
8. It's ok to let people see you sweat. You should never let them smell you sweat.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I just think this way

I think the week actually starts on Monday. If I were to go through the days of the week - I'd say Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and then Sunday. I know it's the first day, but it sure seems like the last.

My week kicks off on Monday. I think of the weekEND as Saturday and Sunday. That's when my week ends. It just does.

I'm taking a stand on this one.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


I find myself wondering what it'd be like to be on SNL. There has to be this incredible energy and excitement that comes with being on live tv. They have some great comedy writers, but it's near impossible to write good sketches every week, that fill an entire hour.

So here is what happens. They pitch a ton of sketches. They decide to go ahead and write about a quarter of them. Then they start making props, costumes and set up the lighting. Then they start rehearsing them. And then, on Saturday night, the Producer picks the ones that will actually air that night. So a bunch of them don't make it.

If your sketch does make it, you want it to be at the beginning. They push the weaker skits to the end (if it works out with set changes and costume changes). So if you watch SNL, you know that the last 3 or 4 sketches are awful. They just aren't good at all. Sometimes it seems like they're making them up as they go.

So I would think if you were in a sketch that killed, and then one that was solid, and one that wasn't great....and then one that was akin to a dental appointment, you'd have to leave the show feeling like crap.

The thing is, the guest hosts are often talking about it being the greatest week...or the most exciting performance, or one of the highlights of their career.

So I have to wonder how they block out the last 20-30 minutes of their performance?

Monday, April 16, 2007

not a top ten list

I'd say these are among the all time worst jobs:

Referee or Umpire - any level. Doesn't matter the sport or the level, there are always angry fans/parents that only see things as they could be for their favorite player/child

the guy who cleans the grease traps at Taco Bell

Third shift factory worker at a factory that makes heavy things that ultimately cause people great harm

Hillary Clinton's publicist

Lawyer for big tobacco

IRS auditor

Trash man - I know we all discovered how much they make when we were in grade school...and then thought it wouldn't be that bad of a job. They pick up trash, bags tear, stuff leaks on you, you have to lift heavy things all day, try climbing onto and off of a truck 500 times in one day...even without the lifting....and did I mention you have to do it when it's 20 below?

Defensive tackle playing the Broncos

Fourth grade teacher in NYC - your kids might be older than you

Paulie Shore's road manager

New guy for a salt removal company in Minnesota (up all night spreading salt by hand...and it eats through your clothes...and you never know when you're on and when you'll actually get to sleep)

Saturday, April 14, 2007


I've heard two silly arguments this week.

"Why is everyone giving a free pass to Chris Rock, Jesse Jackson, and a whole bunch of rappers for their racist remarks and then coming down on Imus?"


"What ever happened to free speech?"

Chris Rock, Jesse Jackson and a whole bunch of rappers aren't the issue here...they're just a distraction from Imus' stupid remarks. It's the -I have no argument so I'll point to someone else - argument. It's what people do when they get a speeding ticket and complain about all the "real criminals" out there stealing and robbing widows and orphans.
They're not the issue here, it's your driving recklessly.
It's the press complaining about Kenneth Starr when he was brought in as an independent council - blame the guy trying to gather the facts, instead of the person committing the crime. You also heard the traffic argument with Clinton's lying under oath. They didn't talk about him not actually doing it...because he did...they talked about the far more important problems out there. That's certainly true, but he still did it.

the free speech thing just seems silly. We have the freedom to say stuff without being thrown in jail - but we don't have the freedom to say whatever we want and still keep our jobs, friends, speaking engagements, etc. It's one of those misunderstood amendments (like "seperation of church and state") that people throw out there whenever they don't like something that's been done because of something someone said.

it's just a silly argument and I can't help but point it's just bugging me.

Friday, April 13, 2007

we're moving into a bubble

throat feels like it's sprained
have too many things going on
must live in bubble

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

"they're not acting very Christian"

So we expected 500+ at our Easter Egg Scramble (Hunt) and had 5 times that many people show up. Because of the weather, we moved our location...and had to flex a bit.

We had wall to wall to wall to wall people. It was crazy. We rented games, gave our free hot dogs, pie, drinks, candy to tons of people. We had 11,000 Easter Eggs.

And yesterday I started getting the ticked off e-mails of moms who's kids didn't get any eggs.

I've heard that it happens at any Easter Egg Hunt with more than 30 kids. I talked with a couple of churches that have done hunts on this level and they told me to just expect it.

Ours was a little out of control though. At one point we had a couple of thousand people around our field just waiting to run out and pluck their 4 cents worth of plastic. They were cold and not very patient. I thought we'd curbed the impatience a little by keeping most of the pre-event games, etc. inside the building in the gym and other areas in our church. I was wrong.

At one point we had a couple of people in each area with big bags of candy walking around to the folks behind the lines giving them candy. We figured that'd buy us 5 minutes...sort of like you entertain people in between innings by shooting t-shirts into the crowd. Right when they started handing out the candy, a lady in the crowd yelled out, "Ready- Set - Go!" and even though there were still people coming outside from the gym and atrium - the crowd just started the Easter Egg Hunt on their own.

You can't really stop 2,000 people once the mob starts.

So kids didn't get Eggs (including Griff, Cooper and Parker). Moms were ticked. Kids were crying. Some kids went home with a garbage bag full of eggs and some didn't get any.

I'd heard that we should put a limit on the number of eggs kids can have. It's hard to believe that since we found kids breaking into the boxes of eggs before the event - had parents elbowing kids out of their kids way to the eggs - and a near riot, that kids would follow our limit that we'd have no real way of enforcing.

So this might have been two egg hunts in one.
My first - and my last.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Easter is upon us

I guess I can see buying into a bearded guy traveling the globe and giving presents to everybody. There are a few holes in that
- time constraints
- how's the big fella getting down the chimneys?
-Reindeer flying?

The thing is, Santa has all kinds of endorsement deals with Coca-Cola, a bunch of malls, some jewelry stores, he's in a dozen or so movies starring Tim Allen...he's getting really good press.

I'm just not sure I can get behind the Easter Bunny. He travels around to all those houses by hopping? You really need to fly if you're going to cover that kind of mileage.
Also, I can barely see having time to throw some presents under a tree, let alone hiding all those eggs. Doesn't make sense.
I'm not buying it.

I'm just not...there, I said it.

Friday, April 06, 2007

just something kind of fun

I wrote my opinion on the scoring system of t-ball and was told that my opinion was "nuts" and that I wasn't tolerant of other's opinions. I've always hated dumb arguments (telling me my opinion of something was dumb and then telling me I was intolerant is just kind of silly) so I responded back....a crazy number of comments later I realized it was probably not going to fix anything.

I wrote about missing a school concert for my 6 year old because I had committed to speaking at an event three months prior...and 45 comments later I realized this was kind of out of control.

I wrote about an Easter Egg Hunt and a cowboy...and still the angry comments flew.

Today I would like to direct you to far better things:
or better yet

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I don't wanna be a cowboy

I think if I was a cowboy, I'd struggle with the outfits. I come home and immediately want to take off my glasses, shoes and put on some shorts...that's my routine.

If you're a cowboy, you come home - take off your cowboy boots, your vest, your hat, your holster, your chaps, and just try and throw on some shorts and not get made fun of by the other cowboys. Now if you're in a 1970's disco band, you could probably get away with throwing on some shorts...but if you're a real cowboy - I think shorts are disallowed.

When I come home I hit the button on my keychain that locks my car. They have to go into a smelly stable (that's never attached to the house with a door that goes between the two) take down the saddle, and then put their horse into a stall. On the other end, they don't have to pay near as much for fuel.

I know cowboy boots give you an extra inch or two in height. I get that everyday they get to play dress up. I'm sure there are a lot of moments where riding a horse is a lot cooler than a sweet 2001 miniature van. I also think it probably gets old. You end up being the guy with the convertible that really only opens the top when you have friends in the car. After a while, it's just more trouble than it's worth.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Easter Egg Scramble (Hunt)

We're putting 11,000 Easter Eggs on the Princeton H.S. practice football field.

You can't really hide 11,000 eggs that are colorful in design (try as you might). You definitely can't hide them on a football field...unless you bury them...but they won't let us do that.

The thing about our Easter Egg Scramble is that it takes place at 11:30 on Saturday, April 7th.

This is the weather report for Saturday, April 7th in Cincinnati, Ohio:

Saturday, Apr. 7
Few Snow Showers
30 %
Plow and salt parking lot

So now I'm thinking that maybe we can hide the Easter Eggs under the snow?

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

two for Tuesdays

I have a conflict.
Griffin is performing at his school this evening. They announced it a couple of weeks ago. The problem is that a couple of months ago I committed to speaking at this deal tonight.

So clearly I'd go to Griffin's deal if I had a choice...the problem is having someone fill in for me tonight doesn't look likely. It's different when you need someone to fill in for you when you're running a meeting, or picking someone else up at the airport.

People like to actually think about and plan a talk.

So I'll miss Griffin on stage tonight. I blame the school for throwing the date at us so late in the game. I'm running into the same deal with sports. I'm the head coach of Griff's t-ball team and our practices start Thursday. I don't even know when the games start, where they'll be, or how long the season lasts.

I keep asking and they keep telling me they'll know in a couple of days. They thought they'd have the schedule by the time our last meeting came together (two weeks ago) - but still - nothing.

So now I have this fear of planning to be at any meeting, any time. I'm guessing this'll get that much tighter once Coop and Parker start playing sports....

Maybe I should have been a mailman.

Sunday, April 01, 2007


This is kind of a fun day. Cooper is two years old today and he's just been given a fun little birthday present.

Based on this picture

he just received a call from Nancy Seidel. This probably doesn't mean much to you...nor did it to us. Turns out that Mrs. Seidel is a producer on the Live with Regis and Kelly show. Annie sent in Coop's pic a few months ago for their beautiful baby contest (even though he's now officially too old) and they want him to be their poster picture for their beautiful toddler contest.

What this means -
This means that Coop's pic will now be on their show, their web site, and in Parents magazine. He'll also get flown to NY (along with his 4 best friends) and appear on the show alongside his favorite mom. (as long as she doesn't pass out)

So, on top of the scooter, sponge bob foot stool, and monkey cake - he's getting his 15 minutes of fame on his birthday.

So that's kind of fun.