Monday, November 30, 2009


Thanksgiving came and went without one person saying, "I think we should all go around the room and tell everyone what they're most thankful for"
...and for that, I am thankful

I don't need a national holiday sponsored by Butterball to tell me what to do.
They can't hold me down to their oppresive rules of how I should live my life.
Having said that - today is Cyber Monday and I'll take this national holiday as my opportunity to express my gratitude towards:
-JR for frying a turkey on my front lawn
-Jimmy, for not making me call him JR
-The Steg-fam for making my personal favorite foot item of the holidays, while simulataneously making our entire medium sized group a Christmas compact disc with my personal favorite Christmas/Kwanza/Hanukkah song (hint: think BNL & Sarah McGlaughlin)
-The Elders for burying the Youngsters by a score of 35-28 in backyard football
-Prescriptive medicine for keeping the Boyd family alive
-Mr. Bob Saget
-Annie for being awesome, beautiful, funny & an above average speller
-Isaac, mostly for his storytelling and life experiences that play out well with his telling of stories
-Scott D and his frantic football hijinks

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Rules

I think it's time someone set up some basic rules for everyone's benefit.
Who should make these rules, you might ask...
Paul Smiley, that's who.

That's not the point though.  The point is that most of us are floundering out here looking for someone to set up a system of sort.
First question for Paul:
  What are the parameters for the Celebrities die in three's rule?

We need a time limit.  Do they have to die at the same time?  Same Day?  Same Week?  Same Month?

What constitutes a "Celebrity"? 
    Everyone has been on tv.  There are over 1,000 people who currently have a role on a daily or weekly tv show that's shown nationally.  Television has been around for 75 years (ish?) and that means that roughly everyone sort of qualifies.  Throw in politicians, radio personalities, Oprah guests and beauty queens...well, Paul needs to draw up some sort of venn diagram to lay this out.
For instance - if Don Rickles, Roddy Piper & Squiggy all die within 10 days, does that even count?
Should there be lines based on the field?
-Actor needs to be a lead in a top 10 show, nominated for an Oscar or an Emmy or married a Gabore sister.
-Singer needs to have 2 top ten hits or been married to Cher.
-Reality contestant or "star" shouldn't count unless they've been a member of our society of...I mean been a Scientologist for at least ten years and been a fourth level Gosmonaut.

I also think it's a three day rule.
So if Gary Busey, Cloris Leachman and Michael Stipe go down in the next 72 hours...well, then we're talking.

when the day is long...and the night...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thwarting the bad people

A couple of things to get this thing kicked off.
   1.  This was mostly an excuse to use the word "thwarting"
   2.  I love lists

I've got a rock solid, genius idea for fighting crime pacifist style.
Here's what you do:
    First I need you to buy one of those plastic rocks that have a "secret" compartment in them.  Most of these look pretty much like plastic rocks that have keys hidden in them.  If you happen to get one that looks like a rock, you'll want to spray paint it gray or brown...or any color that will make it look more fake...but sort of like you were trying to make it camoflaged. 
   Now you've got a really obvioius hidden key.

   Second step.  I want you to go through your key chain and remove the 1-7 keys that you never really use.  I'd also like you to remove that annoying keychain that is actually bigger than the keys.  That's just silly.  If it's a bottle opener, we may need to have a separate talk about your acting like a 19 year old frat boy. 
Moving on.  I want you to take one of those extra keys...and put it in your fake rock.
  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.  You can't put a house or car key in the fake rock.  That'd be stupid.  Don't be stupid.  Why would you want to be stupid? 

   Next you need to put that rock somewhere in front of your house. 

  What will happen next is that some devious criminal will happen upon your hidden key and attempt to unlock your front door...and then your back door...and side door.  Who has a side door though?  Not the point.  The point is that we're giving criminals False Hope.  What's worse than false hope?  Maybe people wearing one senquined glove as some sort of Michael tribute...outside of that?  Nothing.
If you want to cut down on criminal behavious, set them up to be dissapointed.  It just makes sense.
Side note:  you can do the same thing with your car.

you're welcome.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Staycation is 8 hours

Looks like I'm not working so much next week.
Oh sure, I'm with the Q City Players tonight (and two shows on Sunday).
You could call that work...but I lean towards that being play with benefits.
Get to be a part of Turkeyfest tomorrow, and watch Ohio State beat that team up north later on...
Backyard football and hanging with our small group, so there will be stretching out and diagraming plays...

But I'm still looking for great ideas for late November in Cincinnati.


Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Doctor is on the Table

A friend of mine came up with the idea of a series of tubes that would traverse a breakfast restaurant.  You would then have unfettered access to delicious coffee right at your table.

I'd forgotten about this genius idea until today, while listening to a podcast...someone submitted the idea that individual tables should have fountain machines.

What's not great about that?

You can't think of anything, right?

O.K. maybe you like to shoot holes in even the greatest of ideas.
-What about the cost Sean?
  it cost about 2 cents to fill up a glass of delicious Diet Dr. Pepper...and they'll be lining up to sit at a table with a truly bottomless glass of that treat. just seems like you're trying to take jobs from poor waiters and waitresses.
nope, we just made their job easier.

Now I just need one of you entrapaneurial types to take this and run with it.
If you can get Chipotle on board, that'd be a bonus...

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Dear Diary

I'm thinking of taking some time off next week.  I'm off on Monday, Thursday and Friday what's the problem with two more days hanging with my homies?

I can catch up on my L. Ron Hubbard books
I can redo my New Year's Resolutions for '09 so they're more attainable
I can finally get Cooper out in Simon Says
I can finish up my quest to get a free Wii for the little ones

Here's the problem
I have one meeting on Tuesday that I'll have to move around...and I'm not sure I have the guy's number to call and reschedule
also...I haven't really planned any spectacular vacation extravaganza...nor do I have money to do anything
also...I really do have some work I need to get done
also...who wants to miss two for Tuesday at the Vineyard?

So many decisions to make Diary, so many decisions...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Q City Players Show this Friday

We made a movie. (and by "we" I mean Joe) and then did a few private shows (nothing naughty...unless you count C-Day mounting everyone at some point) and now we're doing a few shows out in the public.
One that I'm particularly excited about is this Friday at my favorite Coffee House.  We'll be in Clifton Friday night and I'm interested in seeing how that will go.  If you haven't been to TAZA, you're in for a treat.  It's a cool setup and they definitely weren't thinking nationally famous improvisational troupe when they built the place.  That works out well for us, because we're none of the above.

Having said that - we'd love to see you there on Friday.  Parking is kind of a pain (not their official slogan, but I think it has a nice ring to it) but they do have delicious Italian there's that.

P.S. - I was just making dinner plans (via facebook) with some friends for Sunday evening when Annie mentioned we have two shows at Flavors Eatery on Sunday night.(two dinner shows)  Oops.  Tickets for that show are $15...and I hear they're almost sold out.  All the more reason to spend $5 and go to TAZA on Friday.

Monday, November 16, 2009

a few quick things

1.  I don't want to be anyone's neighbor in the coaster kingdom on Facebook.  It's nothing personal...I think you're great, I just have no idea what that actually is...and it's a horrible time to move right now.  Same for accepting meatballs and spaghetti from your cafe.  I just don't trust the people in that kitchen.

2.  Congratulations to the Bengal's fans.  Your defense played great.  That's what teams that win in the playoffs do.

3.  Griff had a great birthday weekend and these past nine years have been the best nine years of my life.

4.  Celebrity Cage Match - who wins - The cast of House vs. The cast of Home Alone III?  A couple of things to keep in mind:
    House doesn't need a cane in real life
    The kid from H.A.3 is all grown up
    There are no blow torches, super glue or greasy ladders allowed in the cage.

Friday, November 13, 2009


8 PM on a Friday night and I just found posterous.  I then linked it to my weblog.  I then added an awesome photograph and am now seeing how it looks.  Obviously I love all this, or else you wouldn't see this...
Did I mention that it's Friday night and I'm doing this?
2 quick excuses:
1.  Weekly poker game not happening this week.  Clearly it's not so weekly.
2.  The Cifan's feared playing us in euchre to the point that they feigned a magical illness.  That brings us to a 3 to 2 score in the standings.

And it's Friday night, got Daddy day at Coop's school in 13 hours and maybe I should make it a Daddy night at home by wrestling the little ones into submission.
Have a great weekend.

A Great Weekend

I'm feeling pretty good going into this weekend. 

It's been a good week so far, and it promises to get better...

First of all, I had Joe Cada in my fantasy poker league.
Alpha ended last week and I had Wednesday night and most of Thursday night off.
I'm married to a smoking hot brunette from Wooster.

and in addition to all of that...

U.C. is playing the Mountaineers.
OSU is playing the Hawkeyes
Saturday is "daddy's day" at Coop's school.
Griffin is having his birthday party shortly thereafter
I get to work Saturday night and Sunday...and um...well... technically the week ends on Saturday (although that's just silly)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

So you think you can Canasta?

It seems like on some level the television networks have stopped trying.  I say that they jumped the shark when Arthur Fonzarelli attempted to ski jump  over a shark cage.
There are far too many shows with the word "dance" in them and far too few with the star "Saget" in them.
Those are just the facts.  It's simple math.
Having said that, I'm always curious about how they come up with the titles.  There was this awful show that made people feel superior, called Extreme Makeovers, a few years ago.  It was all about taking men and women, replacing their various body parts with new ones...and suctioning out their fat and dignity.  At the same time, the network decided to do a similar show with house cosmetic surgery.  They were very different shows, but for some reason they gave them similar names.  I guess they figured it was sort of a cross promotional thing.  Now we have a show that makes people cry, and a cancelled show that no one remembers.

So you think you should dance has always seemed like an aggressive title.  It's odd to see such an in your face title on a show that revolves around people waving their hands in front of their faces and crying when they get a ticket to Las Vegas.

So you think you can cross-stitch?
So you think you can hopscotch?
So you think you can juggle?
So you think you can do a spot on Yoko Ono impersonation?

I'd watch two of those...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Putt Putt in my living room

I used to walk the hallowed football/soccer field of State College High School and marvel at the feel of the fake grass.  Astro turf is very different from the days of the Bad News Bears.  This stuff comes complete with fake dirt and you could actually mow it (once).  It looks and feels just like the real thing.
So here's what I'm thinking.  Why shouldn't I carpet my house with this stuff?
Who doesn't like walking barefoot through the grass?
Who wouldn't want to practice their penalty kicks in the dining room?
Who doesn't want to play beans/bags/cornhole in their hallway?
Who doesn't want to play lawndarts anywhere?  Indoor or outdoor, those are the greatest.

You could vacuum with a rake.  You could chalk out of bounds lines for your kids.  You could paint the logo of your favorite football team in your bedroom.  You could tear some fake grass and throw it in the air to see what direction your ceiling fan is blowing.

Seems like a no-brainer.
You're welcome.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Individual Retirement Account?

If I went on a rampage and started knocking over mailboxes in my neighborhood, I'd hate for people to assume that it was an IRA thing because my name is awesome...and Irish.

If I started blowing up mailboxes and yelling slander at the likes of B.P & Oasis...maybe you're looking at a hate crime.  If I'm leaving notes about Ireland gaining back it's freedom, you could logically assume that I'm making some sort of statement.

Maybe you shouldn't assume it's an IRA thing if you see me leaving a bag of flaming poo on Brad's porch.  It's probably just me getting back at him for the off-handed remark he made about my socks (I have feelings Brad!).  Also, if you see me calling Jarnsie and asking him if his fridge is running...that's just because I'm hilarious and I miss the Jerky boys.  It's not an Irish thing.  I just happen to be Irish...and sure, I love potatoes...but don't think we all do.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

A friend of ours was promoted this week.  We're both excited for him, and profoundly sad for all of our loss.  We're praying for his family and remembering him today.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009


I haven't seen anything with "gate" on the end of it for awhile, so I thought I'd get one going.

Here is what I voted for yesterday:
A bunch of people I've never met and don't know much about.
A vote against casinos (can that be good for a society?  the working poor?  the working rich?  the unworking people who used to be rich, but then lost everything in a tragic boating accident?)
I guessed on a few other issues.
I walked out of there with a sweet sticker and a business card.

This is what I didn't vote on, but would have liked to:
1.  A law against toys that are packed in containers that can only be opened with wire cutters and a blow torch.

2.  A law against us spending money on stickerss just so people can either brag about their pulling a lever or shame others into voting for whomever PDiddy is telling them to vote for.

3.  A law against spending money on business cards to hand out to people who will throw them into their trash can, shredder, recycling receptical, or on the ground.

4.  A law calling for Mr. Bob Saget to finally get honored with a lifetime achievement award from the Academy of Motion Pictures and Broadcasting.

5.  A law protecting the children.  Who votes against that?  Do you hate kids?  What kind of monster are you?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009


I'm wondering how much power goes into a typical blow dryer.  You've probably asked yourself that very same question thousands of times.
Not a day goes by without someone asking the President in a press conference that question.  It's the first thing most children ask Santa Clause.  You'll never see a time capsule unearthed that doesn't contain that request...

O.K., I've clearly laid out the case that we're all wondering about this.

Here's what I know.
1.  If you want to have the lights go out, you can:
      a.  flip off the switch
      b.  run your hair dryer while anything else in your house, or your neighbor's house, is on

It just seems like they blow more circuits than the Goo Goo Dolls (notorious for their circuit destruction)

I recently used the hand dryer unit at a local restroom.  I did what you're supposed to.  I carefully read the instructions:
In order to dry your hands most efficiently, please use the
following procedure:
• shake off excess water over the wash basin
• place hands underneath the unit at a distance of 4" - 7"
• rub your hands together as if you were washing them
Your hands will be dry within 25 - 35 seconds.

They went on to say that this was good for the environment and was "more hygienic".  So my question is really this simple.
-Is it good for the environment to have these inefficient blowers killing the electric bill and blowing Germy McGerm's nastiness into the air?  Shouldn't the last instruction be to then wipe your hands on your pants? (am I the only one who ends up doing this?)

Monday, November 02, 2009

lesson learned

What is the age at which you should stop going trick or treating?  It would be a lot easier if they put some sort of limit on it and then we'd all know.

Who are the "they" that should put this limit on the t & t?
Obviously the United States Government.

It's fairly awesome to see kids that are wearing full costumes, carrying plastic pumpkins full of candy in one hand and a wand/sword/prop in the other, take off full sprint from house to house to get their .2 ounces of sugar.  Keep in mind that they haven't trained in these costumes - they haven't stretched out - they haven't had any coaching...they just go.

Back to my original question - how old is too old to trick or treat?

Ultimately this is a selfish question.  I'm basically wondering how many more years I can get away with it?