The Perfect Movie

My perfect movie would have no car chases.

It would be character driven.

There would be a laugh every 8 minutes.

Wilford Brimley would be in the background of a scene that takes place in a diner...eating oatmeal.

There would be a staged debate between Jeff Goldblum and Oliver Platt - and it would be won by Jeff (obviously)

There would be one slow motion scene where gangsta rap was playing in the background as two schoolchildren were playing connect four.

At random moments Ruth Buzzi would enter and exit a scene without saying a word.

Eventually a group of ballet dancers discover that they kind of look silly in those outfits.

A boy named Sue would be playing in the background of the bar scene (you know, the one where a guy goes to break a pool cue over someone's back - but then realizes that there isn't a pool table nearby - takes a moment to reflect on his violent past, where it's taken him and eventually decides to buy the guy a beer. The beer is refused and the offer is immediately rescinded...followed by a Jim Kirk double axe handle to the gullet)

At some point the main character (I'm thinking a young Jim Backus) breaks the fourth wall and talks to the audience about something that has no bearing on the rest of the movie (he starts talking about his nephew Stan who never calls his mom...and why not? He's a cell phone salesman...if anyone can afford to call his mom - it's Stan)

Led Zeppelin performs to boo's and shouts of "Overrated!"

The movie peaks when a group of high school drop outs get together to put on a reunion. They call it the "Class of ?" reunion.
Turns out that it's kind of fun. They don't have old graduation pictures to compare themselves to...so nobody feels extra fat, bald or old... They don't have old football stories to bore each other with. They only have what's currently happening in their lives to talk about...they actually live in the moment!

It's so much fun that they decide to get together every 10 years from then on!!

It never happens...they're a bunch of slackers who don't follow up on their promises.
and fade to black...
credit roll...

The credits include hilarious outtakes from Saving Private Ryan...