Lettuce?

A friend of mine has this great illustration that helps explain why people act certain ways. (something to do with iceberg lettuce???)

Anyhow, it helps to remind me that we all have different experiences that lead to our beliefs about how the world works, and that's why not everybody thinks the way that I do.

Empathy is something I struggle with. It's hard for me to think outside of myself for long enough to ask the question, "why would that person be so insulting and not know it?" I see people with so little self awareness about certain issues that I sometimes wonder what the interpersonal grenades that I launch are. I'm guessing that we all have blind spots that we'd be shocked to know that others (many others) have figured out....and we don't have a clue.

You watch over the top characters on sitcoms and think, "nobody is really like that" and then you meet someone who is exactly like that.

I had a friend growing up that you used to say to people, "I'm not being mean, but you're really stupid (or ugly, or smell, or horrible at something)" He really thought he was fixing it by starting with, "I'm not being mean, but..." Wouldn't it be great if that really worked?

"I'm not being obstinate, but you aren't half as smart as me officer"
"I'm not being a lecherous pervert, but can I give you a backrub?"
"I'm not be greedy, but can you give me a car?"
"I'm not being a jerk, but you're an idiot"

You could just say anything and get away with it. People would walk away saying, "He really wasn't being a jerk, he said so himself"

The problem is that you can't really get away with that. People will end up thinking your a jerk. There's often a big difference between what I say and what I mean. (whatever is perceived is received) So maybe I ought to think a little more before I speak. Conversely, maybe I ought to listen a little more before speaking.

Maybe I ought to consider what the people I'm interacting with today must have gone through to make them so bitter, mad, sad, indifferent or chipper. That might help me to empathize. That might give me pause before I react. That might help me to understand that their team has never won a major championship and certainly I'd be mad and lash out to if I'd followed them my entire life and they let me down year after year after year after loss to San Francisco after year after year...