I used to wonder why so many Pastor's kids were so screwed up.
I've figured out a few reasons:
1. They're not really that screwed up - it's just a whole lot more noticeable because, "can you believe that kid's dad is a Pastor?"
2. Often their parent comes home after loving and serving folks all day...and they take the evening off...and that sucks.
3. Their parents aren't home a lot...because that is a 24 hour a day job. I've heard about people complaining that their pastor didn't take the time to do something with/for their family - not understanding that that Pastor worked 50+ hours and barely saw their own family that week.
#2 is what I'm thinking about right now. If you're a mechanic and your neighbors are always bugging you to fix their cars...I guess that could get annoying. Every time I meet a doctor, I jokingly ask them about my lower lumbar...but I'm guessing lots of people pester them about their medical maladies...and they aren't joking.
I'm not sure that you can turn on and off the whole loving and serving the people around you thing. I have a friend that is a Pastor who works a second job. He goes in, largely ignores people, and then leaves. He's all business at the workplace.
I'm not convinced that that's where we're supposed to be. We talk all the time about folks loving their neighbors, serving others...and what better place than in the workplace?
It's like all the Pastors who take time off work to go to a Christian conference, and then skip the conference on Saturday because, "that's MY time". The conference is good enough to skip your ministry time, but not your YOU time...
We're BEGGING people to take a few days off work and come to this conference, but there is no way you'll catch ME there on my day off.
We work with hundreds and hundreds of volunteers. They work 40+ hours a week and then come in on THEIR time to help out. We work our hours and then go home and watch Dancing with the Stars.
We're asking them to live sacrificially, and we're collecting a paycheck.
We love to speak to crowds and tell them about loving our neighbors...but I'm just going to hunker down and do MY thing for awhile.
#2 exists on the list because we're better at talkin' than walkin'
Some Pastors also measure their kids by way too tough a ruler and then aren't there enough of the time to teach what they expect their kids to know.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side, kids whose parents are well respected in a community tend to get self esteem when they hear about how respected their parents are (i.e. if the parents are good parents and don't sacrifice their parenting time for their job).
I knew a child of a pastor who was very polite and well-behaved around his parents and they seemed to worship the ground he walked on but he was a mean dictator to the other kids. He was unable to share, he was a tattletale (he even lied to get other kids in trouble with his/ their parents), and he was SO violent. He just seemed like a really angry little kid.
I wonder (as a pastor with 3 kids) how many times I've corrected my kids because it made me look bad - not because they were acting bad?
ReplyDeleteI've purposely tried to not do that...and just let 'em be kids.
I could blame my community - having unfair expectations of my kids - but I've got to be bigger than that.