Boost your I.Q. by 25 points...

A couple of hints to lead people to the conclusion that you're a lot smarter than you actually are:

1. Spellchek

2. As you leaf through your mail - say, "Mensa, take the hint...for the last time, I'M NOT JOINING!"

3. When people ask you about Deal or No Deal, just look at them with that, "I'm caught up in pursuits, the like of which you would never understand....and no....I don't watch game shows"

4. Use the words:

nihilism

Pandific - fake word you can use in group setting. Have two or three friends nod along with you as you use it in a sentence. It's also fun to see who plays smart by nodding along with your group.

eschew

ostentatious or grandiose (but never high fallutin')

Sagacity - not to be confused with the equally influential: Saget-like or Saget-esque (also see Uber Saget)

5. Constantly quote T.S. Elliot followed by the phrase, "He's my muse"

6. When you're losing an argument, start laughing at the other person while muttering under your breath, "I can't believe I'm even arguing with someone with the sagacity of a trout on Presidents Day" all the while shaking your head.

7. Tell people, "No, seriously...I teach communications at a local college. It's part of my job description to give back rubs to students"

8. Always have at least 8 points

9. Wear t-shirts with phrases that don't make sense. "I'll have the blue plate special Mr. Sadat!" complete with a picture of two Egyptians thumb wrestling.

10. Periodically wear a black arm band to work, and when people ask what the deal is....burst into tears and run into the bathroom.

11. Tell people you use an Macintosh (even though everyone uses Windows)

12. Kiss people on the cheek instead of shaking their hand

13. When you're leaving a meeting early, yell over your shoulder, "gotta go, my shiatsu is in ten"