Thursday, February 19, 2009


I just read a “the 50 things everyone should know” post on a webblog. It’s an odd blog that seems to be pushing Dianetics.    Anyhow, I was curious about the 50 things I should know and it turns out that I don’t know the 50 things I should know. Sadly I only know 44 out of 50.

You should know that I’ve married a beautiful, smart & funny woman – fathered three kids and remained undefeated in thumb wrestling for over a decade – all while not knowing six things that EVERYBODY should know.

I guess I’m sounding a little defensive, huh? I’ve never taken a class to learn how to speed read, but I like reading…so why do I want to do it faster? I’ve read books, listened to tapes and gone to seminars and I still make my family wear name tags. I’ve officially given up on learning a second language, mapquest has made learning geography largely trivial, if forced I could probably figure out sewing a button and I’ve not yet had my identity stolen…so maybe I’m better at it than I thought.

So how’d you do?

1. Build a Fire
2. Operate a Computer
3. Use Google Effectively
4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver
5. Drive a Manual Transmission Vehicle
6. Do Basic Cooking
7. Tell a Story that Captivates People’s Attention
8. Win or Avoid a Fistfight
9. Deliver Bad News
10. Change a Tire
11. Handle a Job Interview
12. Manage Time
13. Speed Read
14. Remember Names
15. Relocate Living Spaces
16. Travel Light
17. Handle the Police
18. Give Driving Directions
19. Perform Basic First Aid
20. Swim
21. Parallel Park
22. Recognize Personal Alcohol Limits
23. Select Good Produce
24. Handle a Hammer, Axe or Handsaw
25. Make a Simple Budget
26. Speak at Least Two Common Languages
27. Do Push-Ups and Sit-Ups Properly
28. Give a Compliment
29. Negotiate
30. Listen Carefully to Others
31. Recite Basic Geography
32. Paint a Room
33. Make a Short, Informative Public Speech
34. Smile for the Camera
35. Flirt Without Looking Ridiculous
36. Take Useful Notes
37. Be a Respectful House Guest
38. Make a Good First Impression
39. Navigate with a Map and Compass
40. Sew a Button onto Clothing
41. Hook Up a Basic Home Theater System
42. Type
43. Protect Personal Identity Information
44. Implement Basic Computer Security Best Practices
45. Detect a Lie
46. End a Date Politely Without Making Promises
47. Remove a Stain
48. Keep a Clean House
49. Hold a Baby
50. Jump Start a Car


  1. 51. Gut a pig in under 60 seconds.

    52. Have a Wheel of Fortune SpinID.

    53. Know how to hide a body.

    54. Have at least 3 BBQ restaurants on your speed dial.

    This list makes me want to vomit. I think I may unlearn some of these things so I can become less of the person that they think I should be.

  2. Aunt Peg7:59 AM

    I tried to jump start a car once and only succeeded in making big footprints that dented the hood....and procured a few funny looks in the process, I might add.
    (Annie later told me when we needed to do this project for HER car that my technique was "old school"...that we needed some kind of big cables with funny prongs...go figure)

  3. i kiiiiiiiiiiiiick.

    i stretch......

  4. 44, huh?

    Miss that #2?

  5. well, i've never won a fistfight. actually, i've never been in one.

    and i can detect a lie.
    if you see that someone has a white speck (or specks) on his or her fingernail(s)... it means he or she just told a lie. the bigger the lie, the larger the speck. (faded specks are from lies told 2 - 3 days ago and will disappear within the next 24 hours, unless the dummy retells the same lie, in which case the speck becomes brighter and more prominent than the original one.)

    And if you chasten the fibber with
    'liar, liar, pants on fire. hanging from a telephone wire', you run the risk of developing your own cuticle blemish, comparable to the one they're sporting.

  6. I failed on the relationships things like "End a date gracefully" and flirt without looking like an idiot. Also all of the things that my wife does like "sew on buttons" and "remove a stain."
    If Shannon hadn't fallen on love with me I'd be totally screwed.