the storyteller

I have some talented friends.

One of them has won awards for singing and songwriting and has traveled the globe performing his music.  I had the misfortune of living with him when he was learning the guitar.  Everytime you talked with him you'd have to repeat everything seven times while he obsessed on the chorus of some song he can't quite get.

So we started hiding his guitar or threatening his life if he picked it up.

Luckily he stuck with it and now we occasionally ship the kids off to Aunt Peg's while we sneak out to see him perform.  He's a husband and a dad now, so he doesn't play quite as much.  He did travel to New York to hang out with a friend of ours and play some songs recently.  He put together a few of the songs he recorded at his house and has them on the world wide interweb now.

If you want to check them out, I think you'll find he has an interesting way of telling a story.

3 years of stuff

sometimes rambling...often pedantic...always random... Imagine a blog that explains life - all that is important, relevant, informative, insightful, entertaining and full of good clean fun... this is not that blog

My homage to Fuller's comment yesterday.  I'm like you Steve, I hated it when the Cunninghams would sit around and talk about the good old days...all as an excuse to just show old clips and not come up with anything new.  That's the hypocrisy that I'm bringing to the table this morning. Links to me...these were some very random posts that I ran across in my studies this morning.


My resolutions of old and even older

sports

great pictures 1, 2, 3

lists

huh? 1, 2, 3

matters to me


Big things 1, 2

I spent about 15 or 20 minutes looking at the 'ol weblog today.  It was actually kind of fun.  This is as close as I've come to keeping a journal/diary this consistently for this long.
Blogger since July '05
648 posts and counting

Tres

I've often believed that mom's day should be their child's birthday.  It seems like 9 months of carrying around a baby and then going to the trouble of then delivering it should amount to that person being the hero each year.  Why the heck should I get a free dessert at Applebees when it was my mom who did the heavy lifting?

This isn't really even my point - I was just thinking about birthdays.

Today is the anniversary of my 3 years of web-logging.  It's my blog birthday. It was three years ago today that I stopped by my friend/mentor/boss man's house and he showed me his blog.  It was the first blog I'd actually read.  He showed me how he set it up and told me it was free...so I went home and gave it a shot.

I had no idea what I was doing (still don't).  I had 7 posts (of sorts) on that first day.  Two of the seven were pics of Griff ,two were haiku's and three were sort of random.

I've added features and taken them away.  I've kept track of page hits and then realized that that's not really an exact science.  For a while I thought your "view my profile" section was a decent indicator, because it was unique visits.  It's the only thing that has been on this blog since day one that I don't control.  I'm now not really sure what it indicates.  Either way, I'm not running ads or trying to sell snake oil on here...so it probably doesn't matter.

I'm going to take a little time tonight to go back and read some of the old stuff.  I have never actually done that.  I barely read them as I'm writing them out...so who knows what I'll find.

taking Murphy week(end) on the road

We're celebrating a week of conjunctivitis (pink-eye to you non-doctors) and a week of strep by going out to a cabin and staying with 6 of our pals.

We figured what better way to celebrate our friendship than by living in an enclosed space (an incubator if you will...and why wouldn't you?) and helping them to develop stronger immune systems.

This is just another way we hope to serve those without...

you're welcome world!

100 things part 2 (I’m still on a numbers kick)

A few people have asked me how I did on my 100 things challenge

If you didn’t read the post, well what the crap!? Anyhow, the basics of it was that I was going to donate, destroy or give to a friend – 100 things I own.

So this is what happened:

-I donated/destroyed 50 pieces of clothing. I didn’t want more than half of my 100 items to be in any one category so I limited myself to 100 items of clothing. I did this by only counting a pair of socks as one and by under counting the total. Basically I donated 30 some shirts (some t-shirts, some sweaters, some brand new button up, etc.) and threw away 40 or more socks. I didn’t think the socks had enough life in them to give to anyone…and it felt kind of gross.

-I threw away 50 random items (knick knacks, magazines, stuff, etc.) that didn’t really have sentimental or perceived value. If they had perceived value I probably would have donated them or given them away. If they had sentimental value, I probably would have given them away a while ago. I just don’t get sentimental about stuff. I feel ok about that. It’s just stuff. I gave away 10 books. Most of these were free books given to me over the years that haven’t been opened. In fact not one of the ten was a book I’d read at all…and I gave away/threw away some c.d.s. None of these were Dennis Miller’s Off White Album, so don’t panic.

-I gave away 4 tape dispensers. These weren’t really mine and they don’t go into the official tally. I jus think it’s weird that I had 6 in my office that I share with no one…unless you count God…and why wouldn’t you? Shame! (that’s why I have two by the way, he loves tape)

-I gave to each of you this post. You’re welcome.

7 ways to make a list

I just read a comment about numbers and why they're so important to me.  I'm guessing young David was kidding, but I should tell you, I do love them.  I love lists and lists are generally numbered.  One of my favorite books when I was a kid was The Book of Lists.  It was about four inches thick and had nothing but lists.

Many people write about the popularity of lists on the web.  People often like lists so they can poke holes in them.  If someone wrote a list of the 5 greatest running backs of all time and left off Franco Harris, well that'd just be silly.  I'd like to see that list even if I disagreed with it.  In fact, I'd like to see the list because I disagree with it.

Numbers are also helpful outside of lists.  I use them daily to count (just one example).  It's sometimes difficult in meetings to use the story of your friend who loved something, when someone else pulls out a survey that shows that 74% of the people hated it.  I heard a guy on the radio the other day say that most Americans don't really care about language or violence on tv these days and was giving example after example of how violent tv was when he grew up.  His point that tv was less violent.  This was a monologue and not a debate.  In a debate he would have lost.  The numbers aren't on his side.  The facts aren't either.

(not really my point, by the way)

Numbers is a book in the Bible...so if you're against numbers then obviously you hate Moses and are anti-semitic.  Why do you hate Moses?  It's the name, right?

Without numbers Bib Ben would just be ridiculous.  Numbers help me to know how deep the water in the pool is before I do my triple Lindy.

I love me some numbers.  In a dark alley, who do you want on your side - the letter "h" or number 7?

I think I've made my point here.

a five tool player

In baseball a five tool player is someone who can hit for average & power, has a great arm, speed and is great defensively.  The ultimate five tool player was Roberto Clemente.  He did it all, and he did it exceptionally well.

You can make it to the bigs and even be an all star if you do one well.  If you can hit for power and you hit a lot of homeruns you'll probably get a bunch of votes and play in the All Star game.  Sure, it's silly that people just vote for their favorite player and that they have the all star game having only played half a season...but that's how they do it.

 If you're not so good at defense, running or throwing...and your average is kind of low...you'll probably still be a hero if you hit the long ball.

Most jobs have skill possibilities that lend themselves to the homerun like all star status.  You work at the garage and you can change the oil of 17 cars an hour...and you're the man.  Even if you don't know how to weld...you crank out a lot of customers and you're a hero.  Having a big skill gets you notice.

Every once in a while you run into someone who can do it all.  They change the oil while welding the fetzer valve, diagnosing the problem with your heater, adjusting your air intake and pounding out a dent.  They do it all, they do it fast, they're a five tool player.

There aren't many five tool players in life. They're a rare breed.  You maybe have never worked with one....and maybe you've never met one.  Having one big skill often is all you need to get noticed.  You're great with numbers but bad with people.  You're good with presentations, but bad with follow up.  You can make the product, but not the sale.  It's tough doing it all.  The five tool player is rare indeed.  Annie might be the only one I know.  She's a six tool player.

So the question is - what would a five tool player in life look like?  Or at your job?
(insert tool references here)

me + one

I think I need one person to help me with a few things.

I'd love to take the technology that already exists and create the remote remote.  This would be a remote that has 8 or ten buttons on it that all help you to find things.  You'd need little stick on devices that you'd then put on your actual tv remote, your car keys, cell phone, cordless house phone, palm pilot, etc.  Every time you can't find whatever it is, you pull out your remote remote and just hit that button.  It causes the lost item to make a noise.

But what if you lose your remote remote Sean?  Quit asking annoying questions, nobody likes that.

Since I asked...you'd create a clapper feature on the remote remote.  You can't find it, you just start clapping.

This could be gps enabled.  The possibilities aren't endless, but they're pretty good.

This would solve the energy crisis, world hunger and television shows with dancing in the title.

I'm just not the kind of guy who could figure it out.  Paul Smiley, Steve Bragg and Drew Gillespie are the only people I know who could actually make it work.  Blake Schmidt could work out the specs (that's a thing, right?) and get it on the market.

This is just one of those things that I'll forget about in a week...because I don't have that one person....yet.

Murphy week

We started Murphy week by playing Putt Putt.  Griff had two holes in one, Cooper had one, Annie had one, Parker and I had a combined zero.

Day two began with buying a fishing rod and all the stuff that goes with that (wax worms?).  We rented an incredibly slow boat and took to the water.  There now exactly the same number of fish that were in that body of water before we started.  I'm convinced that fishing is not a sport and I'm not even sure it can be described as a leisure activity.  Someone described golf as a long walk spoiled and I'd describe fishing as an afternoon spoiled.  If the whole point was to hang out with Griffin and just relax, then I'm in...but I'd rather do it on a frisbee golf course.

The Rave has free family movies (and by "family" they mean kid) and we saw Surf's Up for free.  By free I mean we spent about $15 at the concession stand.  It was the same old story about surfing penguins.  A story as old as time itself.  We then went to the Cincinnati Zoo and loved the bird show.  After the show, our friend Eddie gave us the VIP tour and we actually met and petted a penguin.  Turns out this penguin knew nothing about surfing.  Whatever.  Follow this day up with dinner at Peg's and you've got your perfect day.

So we were going to go see the Redlegs play some baseball, but they're awful...and it's really hot out...and I was the only one who actually wanted to go.  Instead we hung out with some friends at a park and watched Cooper pour sand on top of Parker.  I think Eli met a girl there too...so there's that.

We went to an Indiana Jones theme party and the kids chased after a mummy, climbed on a rope bridge, swung over a pool of water and found the lost treasure.  Most of the treasure melted in our car on the ride home.  It was still pretty cool.

I'm guessing I'm forgetting some of the events, but the best part was hanging out with one gorgeous girl and three great kids.  It was a good week.

indulgences

I'm trying to figure out carbon offsets. Before you get mad/defensive/frustrated/flustered...I have a child-like understanding of carbon offsets.  I've heard of them enough to sort of nod my head when the subject comes up...but then I sort of glaze over. 

I just want to know how they work.  If I had to explain to someone how they work, I'd probably say that you give money to some company that invests in green technology/energy and that "offsets" the bad stuff. (this is why they don't ask me to go and speak about this)

So a rich girl in Toledo decides that she feels bad about flying her jet to Paris to get a new turtleneck.  She sends money to BioFriend International LLC and everything is cool?

Every time she steals someone's car, she sends $500 to Unicef.  Every time she punches her mom in the face, she sings a lovely song for a homeless man.  "Excuse me, you really shouldn't be smoking while pregnant" "It's ok, I planted a tree yesterday"  Everything is cool in the long run.  She makes it right by doing something right to make up for doing something wrong.

Rich people can fly jumbo jets to their 10,000 square foot house that's fueled by baby seals and cook their dinner by sticking a lighter in front of their hair spray and torching it.  It's ok, because they can afford to pay the extra guilt tax?

Either the jet is bad or it's not, but you can't make the argument that it's ok...as long as you put money into something good later.  Or can you?  I'm convinced I'm missing something here...

deleted

I've deleted a few of these before.
Usually a friend of mine tells me I'm going to get in trouble by posting that...whatever "that" happens to be.
Sometimes I get four or five people asking me if I'm writing about them...and it's just not worth it.
Often it's about "a friend" and by "friend" everyone knows I'm talking about Dan.
Sometimes I write something that inspires me and a friend tells me there's no such thing as an original thought...especially on my last post.
So it's no longer with us.
I'll call it an homage to two great comics that I love.
And by love, I mean I love their work...but I'm not IN love with them.
Either way, I'm off to go delete.

On a side note, I just ran across my old friend Devon's new blog...you should check it out.  It's original.

100 things

Stacy posted a link to another guy who posted a link to another guy who posted a link to this fella.  He actually wrote about the challenge a while ago and it's been in the back of my mind since.  I haven't done a thing about it, but the idea seemed interesting.

The fella was getting rid of all but 100 items for his personal use.  At first I thought he was sort of cheating by lumping groups of things together (like his books, c.d.'s, a PAIR of scissors) but the bottom line is he's actually doing something.

so I figure I can either do something, do nothing, sit back and criticize how his 100 is actually a lot more than that, or find something of worth in what he’s attempting.

The number is too small for me. I could never do this. These were the things that I immediately thought of. So why even bother?

I’m really not sure I should, but I’m going to take a step in that direction. I’m going to eliminate 100 things. It's certainly a far cry from eliminating everything but 100 things, but it's something.  So, I’m going to donate, destroy or give away (couldn’t come up with another “d”) 100 things this week.  Maybe less stuff won't be so bad?

Who knows, maybe it’ll be easy…

blogsecret

One of the more popular web sites out there is postsecret.com.  It's a site where people can send in their post cards with their deep secrets, or just what's on their minds.  It's a popular site because people are voyeurs and obviously like to read other people's secrets.  Makes sense.

I don't have any stamps and it would cost me $7 to drive to the post office so I'm just going to fess up here.

This has been on my mind for a couple of days now.

I know this isn't very secretive, since you know who's writing this.  I just hope and pray that you won't look at me any differently after you read these next few words.

I went through the 20 items or less lane with 25 items.  I know.  Believe me, I feel the same way.  I was only 25% over the limit...look at me trying to make it right.

The bottom line is I just glanced down and figured it was close.  That's how callous I've become.  I DIDN'T EVEN COUNT!  What is wrong with me?

Sure I forgot about the banana chips, they were hidden under the watermelon.  I should have remembered that I bought TWO packs of bread.  It's too late now though.

It's all been rung up.  They let me get away with it.  In a way Wal Mart enabled me, but I'm going to learn my lesson nonetheless.  I make that promise to you...

Nothing can stop him

This fella is a video star...actually his brother is the star, he's just the shlump in the background.  He did make a pretty cool wedding reception video though.  How can you go wrong with the greatest song of all time?

if we could just count...

my opinion counts

My all time favorite spam mail just arrived.


“Panda Reasearch- Your opinion matters - participation required!”

Never mind the spelling done by the company known for their detailed “reasearch”. I was more excited about their closing line, the one that has to pull in folks still on the fence. “Participation required!”

Honey, I’m just not sure I have the time to give my opinion on Pandas. Sure darling I can see that…wait just a doggone minute mister, this says that participation is required!

Well sign me up sister. If this is the kind of research where you participant, then they’ve found their panda opinion stalwart.

On a side note – I really miss Griffin. He’s been on vacation with grandma this week and I’m more than ready to have him back in the Dub C. I love him much.

what all the cool prophets were wearing

I wonder if John (the guy telling everyone about Jesus and baptizing them) was considered cutting edge, or a freak? He dressed kind of out there. He ate locusts. I'm guessing he was made fun of by the old school religious folks that thought he was out of his mind. I'll bet that the cool young religious folks that weren't all wrapped up in the rules and the trendy religious music...they probably thought this guy was a religious freak. He was the kind of guy that was just out there. He was too into his message. Why would he say things and do things that strongly, doesn't he know that he'll turn people away? He's clearly not very seeker sensitive.

-

So maybe there were some folks who thought that he was counter culture...and that was cool? The way that works these days is a sort of cool distance while maintaining the "I'm above it all because I'm not that excited about this" stance. We react to everything. You grew up in a church with a bunch of rules, discover grace...and often throw self control or purity out the window. We live in extremes, but we're usually just reacting to a perceived extreme wrong...and not living towards an extreme God.

-
I guess that means we can talk about a revolution, but let's not cheese it up too much. I think we're all for not cheesing it up...I'm just wondering if He's that wrapped up in the cheese factor. I wonder how safe we play it?
-
I'm convinced that we'd make fun of John the baptizer if he came around our neighborhoods. I'm guessing we'd keep an eye on him if he walked into our churches. (although I'm guessing he'd be doing ministry where most of ministry happens - on the streets) He's too into his thing. He doesn't preach grace enough. He's too condemning. He's too radical. I like what he's all about...but man is he cheesy. I'm guessing we'd hear that a lot.
-
I'm just not sure what I'd say...

Kindling for the heck of it

Two questions:
Can I write Blue Like Jazz II even if I didn't write the first one?

Would it be ok if I called it to Green Like Hip Hop?  That way it'd be more of an homage or something as part of a series.

-

Am I the only person who hasn't read The Shack yet?

And speaking of books...or um....And writing of books, do you think we'll all be reading off of these devices in ten years?

You know those people who refuse to use the interweb because it's just a passing fancy....like the car...and the tv...and fire?  I'm wondering if my reluctance to buy a kindle makes me that guy???

-

If all the newspapers go under, what am I going to use to start my fireplace?

Why is this even an issue Sean, you don't have a fireplace at this house.

Oh...right....never mind, it's cool.  Bye Bye New York Times and your impartial journalism.  I hope you find a nice home on the interweb. 

-

If I had a silly amount of money, I'd give it to poor people...but then after world hunger was taken care of, I'd build a clock floor.  Oh sure, Bill Gates has a trampoline floor.  The entire room is trampoline.  The springs are recessed in the walls.  How did I go off on his stupid house, this is about me and my clock floor (careful how you say that).  Two options on the clock floor - You want that with glass over the top, or do you want to hop over the hands?  I'd go with the glass top.  The hand hopping would get old when you were carrying in your plate of mini corn dogs and just want to watch the freaking game.  Seriously hands!  You were cool at first....but man I wish I'd put on the optional glass top.  I don't want to have that conversation sister....

Smart?phone

It's 07/08/08.  No big deal today, but you wait a month mister.  You'll see.  All the world will be abuzz with that crazy date.

I've been frustrated ever since I was given my first palm pilot.  I love/hate those things.  Once you figure them out and get in a groove, they're really kind of nice to have.  You can synch it up with your computer.  That means you can write out appointments when you're out and about - you can take note - you can enter people's contact info - and then just hit a button and it's on your computer.

Often I'd synch all my info and then find out I had two copies of  Fuller's phone number, or the same appointment to go tanning with Alton.  Somehow my Palm would not notice that I already had the contact info or the appointment in there...and I'd get duplicates.  That's frustrating, right?

On top of all this, I still kept my old wallet/daytimer.  I just can't give up having the pen on me at all times.  This means that I'd have a George Costanza wallet, a Palm pilot and a cellular telephone all in my pockets while I was trying to eagle number 4 at Winton Woods.  It was too much.

Typically that's not why I'd quit the Palm pilots.  I'd usually find out that you can't drop them in a swimming pool, or have your kids paint them or play frisbee with them.  Turns out they don't last very long that way.

If only there was a device that would have the functionality of a Palm pilot AND a cellular telephone.

Enter my new Smart Phone.  Now I can call Joe while playing Sudoku on my Palm, stop and make a video and then write out "enter this at next year's Sundance" on my calendar while I'm punching a brick wall...all from one device.

This thing has a calendar, a camera (video and digital stills), phone, note taking, Sudoku, mp3 player, video player, it does duck calls and will even clean my fish.  Here's the thing though - it's really bad at all of the above.  It's not a good phone...but it's also a Palm.  It's a horrible video camera, but man is it convenient.

And I'll take convenience.  So look out world - there's a new Smart Phone user out there and he's driving a car while simultaneously checking his e-mail!

semantics

I've finally decided that it doesn't matter.  I used to get wrapped up in what constituted a sport and came up with my own little list or rules of thumb.

Some things that were considered sports, I'd consider a leisure activity.  Some would be an exhibition or performance and some would be a competition...but maybe not a sport.

Football was a sport, diving was an exhibition and speed eating was a competition.

If you can play it with long pants and chew tobacco while playing...that's maybe not a sport.  If there's no defense, that's not really a sport.  I had a whole bunch of other variables, but that's not the point.

Right away people get mad.  I'm not saying that a sport is any better or worse than an exhibition or competition...I just saw them as different things.  Dancing with the stars is not a sport.  It involves training, sweating, coordination and athleticism...and it's not a sport.  And that's ok.

That was the old me.  I've decided that it's not really worth the labels.  Everything now is a sport.

The Wimbledon finals was a sporting event just like that guy who ate 57 hot dogs.  The olympics is all about sports just like my neighbor mowing his lawn is competing in a sport.  Everything is a sport, and that's ok.

on a side note, if you didn't watch the gentlemen's finals of Wimbledon, you missed one incredible match.

trying to save Letterman

when it pours it rains

so my back hurts....really hurts.

Here's the problem. Well, I guess the back is the problem. Here is another one... our insurance costs went up 40% this year. So with that comes better service?

Sadly, no.

My chiropractor doesn't take our insurance any more. I'd move to another chiropractor, but this place is 23 seconds from work and you don't need an appointment. I could strain my back at work and then be at a meeting ten minutes later having already been to the chiropractor. It's beyond convenient.

So I went yesterday. I paid my own money and I guess that's ultimately what they wanted (whoever they are).

The problem is that I need to go three or four more times and I can't afford it. So today I'll spend a bit of time trying to find another chiropractor who can see me in the next couple of days. As long as there isn't a major holliday/3 day weekend coming up I should be fine...

it's all in the timing

Brett Favre once said of Najeh Davenport, "The only thing keeping Najeh from leading the league in rushing is Ahman Green".

Najeh had over 170 yard in his first start. He never had as many as 500 yards in an entire season.

Najeh had a lot of injuries. He also was a second string running back that might possibly have started for a lot of teams. He might have been a Hall of Famer for the Broncos, who seem to get 150 yards a game out of everybody they throw in the backfield...or at least they used to when they had linemen that weren't afraid to cut block.

So Najeh was just another backup. Then he went to the Steelers and backed up Fast Willie Parker. And then he slapped around his baby's momma.

Najeh is looking for a team now.

You gotta wonder what kind of talent this guy had, and what could have been had the cards come out in a slightly different order.

I guess we'll never know...