Monday, December 31, 2007

2008 Resolutions

-sing the National Anthem at a taping of A Guiding Light

-hear "the phrase that pays" and pretend that I didn't

-arm wrestle cajun style

-go back to bar soap

-bring back the show "who's the boss?" and answer that question once and for all

-start with the nicotine patch, then the gum, then cigars, pipes, then just smoke at parties when it feels like it would help me to look cool, and finally I'd like to be addicted

-watch Tango and Cash with no sound while playing The Beatles White Album. (it will freak you out)

-start the Buddy's Carpet Barn bowl (I actually have a buddy in the carpet business, so I think this should be fairly easy)

-more rock

-less talk

-dance, dance, dance

-only speak through a megaphone on Thursdays

-reenact the "What's Up!" commercials whenever someone asks me for the time

-I'd like to learn to ride a unicycle

-tap dance at a bar mitzvah for tips

-box some one's ears

-wear a tuxedo to a swim meet

-start a Christmas tradition where people hang socks from their chimney and pray to a fat guy to come down and fill the socks with candy

-thumb wrestle Corbin Benson

-develop Chuck like fearlessness

-start an online pay per view pac man tournament

-start each Friday with a simple prayer thanking God that it is indeed Friday


  1. My one and only resolution is to learn Devo's 'Mongoloid' on the kazoo. Maybe you can help?

  2. seriously...i'm sitting here at my desk laughing. you crack me up murph. happy new year!

  3. These were quite funny, I must agree with Carissa.
    I would LOVE it if you kept us updated when you completed ANY of these resolutions!