Monday, November 23, 2009

Thwarting the bad people

A couple of things to get this thing kicked off.
   1.  This was mostly an excuse to use the word "thwarting"
   2.  I love lists

I've got a rock solid, genius idea for fighting crime pacifist style.
Here's what you do:
    First I need you to buy one of those plastic rocks that have a "secret" compartment in them.  Most of these look pretty much like plastic rocks that have keys hidden in them.  If you happen to get one that looks like a rock, you'll want to spray paint it gray or brown...or any color that will make it look more fake...but sort of like you were trying to make it camoflaged. 
   Now you've got a really obvioius hidden key.

   Second step.  I want you to go through your key chain and remove the 1-7 keys that you never really use.  I'd also like you to remove that annoying keychain that is actually bigger than the keys.  That's just silly.  If it's a bottle opener, we may need to have a separate talk about your acting like a 19 year old frat boy. 
Moving on.  I want you to take one of those extra keys...and put it in your fake rock.
  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.  You can't put a house or car key in the fake rock.  That'd be stupid.  Don't be stupid.  Why would you want to be stupid? 

   Next you need to put that rock somewhere in front of your house. 

  What will happen next is that some devious criminal will happen upon your hidden key and attempt to unlock your front door...and then your back door...and side door.  Who has a side door though?  Not the point.  The point is that we're giving criminals False Hope.  What's worse than false hope?  Maybe people wearing one senquined glove as some sort of Michael tribute...outside of that?  Nothing.
If you want to cut down on criminal behavious, set them up to be dissapointed.  It just makes sense.
Side note:  you can do the same thing with your car.

you're welcome.


  1. **I'd also like you to remove that annoying keychain that is actually bigger than the keys.**

    I have no idea what you're talking about.

  2. I'd prefer to leave 50-60 fake keys under my doormat and watch the hilarity ensue.

  3. I'd like to see this unfold via hidden camera.

  4. There is always the option of buying two or three dozen fake key rocks and leaving them all empty. Or maybe put a wrong key in each of them.