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homage to Kyle Cease

Sunny D - "bottling sunshine since 1964"

I checked the bottle - no sunshine. The bottle had more water than any other ingredient. Right behind water was high fructose corn syrup (which, by the way, Oprah says will kill you....how do you like that Proctor and Gamble?).

It's not enough to put fructose corn syrup in our fake orange juice? You have to put HIGH fructose corn syrup in just to rub it in our faces.

I was a Sunny D shill for one day of my life. I was working as a temp (jealous?) and they sent us to Kings Island with free t-shirts and a ton of cases of Sunny D to give out as samples. By the end of the day I was sick of fake orange juice and bees. On the flip side, I got to ride the vortex...so there's that.

Check the ingredients. Canola oil is in there.

Man am I thirsty. What do we have to drink mom? Well, we've got some water, diet coke, 2% milk and an ice cold bottle of canola oil!

Mom, why didn't you just say Canola oil - like I'm going to pick anything else.

Sunny D - bottling canola oil since 1964!

March 27th

On September 19th my friend Paul convinced Annie to get me to a church for a surprise conception party being held for me (he told her it was my real birth) and she bought it. She took me out for dinner and then walked me into the church where we would later get married. We walked in and our song was playing.....there were a dozen roses on a big chair and a slide show of Annie and I was playing.

She was confused. I decided to the best way to surprise someone is by distraction. If she was worried about getting me to a surprise party, she'd never even think of me planning one forher. It worked. I dropped to a knee and asked her to be my wife. We then walked downstairs to a room full of friends and family and an actual surprise party.

6 months and 8 days later we walked down that aisle again and tied the knot - on March 27th Annie Conrad became Annie Murphy and changed my life.

9 years later I'm married to a beautiful, funny girl that encourages me as we partner through life.

I'm a lucky man.

helpful hints...

You get a grease stain on your shirt. It’s just a little spot…but it’s driving you nuts (the punch line to my favorite pirate joke) so you wash it. It doesn’t go away though, does it? Of course not – it’s a grease stain.
So you re-wash it? Why would you do that? That’s just silly.
So you throw it away? You only wear it around the house and at Fuller’s parties.
But then what…are you really going to give up on your favorite shirt? The one that you bought at American Eagle for $11.99 on sale from $23?

This is what I did. I took out a common, every day (just to be redundant) normal…ok, you get it…bottle of generic Pam. I took the can out and sprayed the entire shirt. I created an entirely grease stained shirt. It was one big dark stain. Keep in mind that this is a black shirt…so now it was just blacker.

And then I let it dry. And then I washed it…because who wants to wear a greasy shirt?

And this has been Tuesday’s helpful hints.

you’re welcome

it's time

I think we're probably ready to go metric. We're not helping ourselves or anybody else by sticking with the old tried and true....um....what do we even call our system of measurements?

I think there are about three countries that still use the English Imperial system - and the other two are slightly larger than my couch.

Two politicians having a discussion - "should we go with units of 10, or units of 12?" " Well I'll vote to go with the 10 thing if you vote to put this bridge in my home state" "Do you need the bridge?" "Um....no, but it'd be bitchin"

So how many of these feet are there in your mile?

5,280 feet - which are units of 12 inches....which means there are....um.....a lot of inches in a mile.
One liter weighs one kilogram. One pint weighs 1.0431758 pounds

One of these systems seems to make a lot more sense than the other...

I'm just sayin'

Linkin'

Genius

W.W.O.D.?

I ran across this and am so frustrated that someone took my life dream and made it a reality before I could.

Sorry Leah, someone beat us to it…

When it rains, it leaks...

So our roof leaks. That’s not good. And our miniature van broke down (but then we had it fixed…and it was fairly inexpensive and fairly easy) but then I drove through a puddle that was roughly the size of a swimming pool…olympic length.

And now my car keeps stalling out. One of these things happening this week would have been a bummer.

Two would have been a bad week.

All three hitting made me want to box someone’s ears.

So we’re picking apart the problems one by one.

Van – done
car- working on it today
roof – we think we might have a guy?

did I mention our downstairs toilet leaks???

if you see me today, you might want to wear head gear.

Ikea

Finally made it to everybody's new favorite Swedish super store. Ikea was an experience. We didn't fully explore the place, but it seems like the kind of "furniture" store that you could really turn into a family hang out night.

We immediately felt like we'd come to an amusement park when they had us park 1/2 mile from the entrance. We'd never been inside so I was excited to be so close to the building. They have off site parking with shuttles because of the crowds, so I was just happy to be in the main parking lot. I quickly found out that being next to the building isn't really the sure fire guarantee that I thought it was. It turns out that the entrance was on the other side of the biggest store I've ever been in.

Here's why it's family friendly:
They have cool carts to tote your kids around with.
They have cheap (and I've heard good) food, featuring the Swedish meatball.
They have a kid's play area that looked pretty great.
They give every kid a flag of Sweden and then let them kick a clown.
One of those isn't true.

So we ended out visit by looking at each other and saying, "I thought there'd be more to it than this" and that's when we found out that there was a whole floor we'd missed...and a warehouse full of put it together yourself furniture.

We came out of the deal with the sweetest spatula I've ever laid my eyes upon. I've been coveting the very same spatula on our visits to the Boyd household, but now I'll flip two pancakes at a time from the comfort of my very own kitchen.

I'm a better man for the visit...although I don't see another visit in my immediate future.

I have North Carolina winning it all

If you'd like to fill out a bracket...

You can do it right here

It's "Murph's bracket" the ID# is 98176 and the password is: saget

Personally, I haven't watched one minute of basketball this year...outside of Griffin's first grade team. I don't have them going very far in my bracket.

pizza inflation

I was talking with a guy that was helping us serve 900 slices of pizza to folks living without the benefit of a home on Saturday. He told me about the pizza biz and how it was taking a hit because of the "global warming"

I figured that if the Earth was getting hotter, that'd make it that much easier to keep those pizza ovens going. I haven't really worked out the math on that, but it sortta figures...

Anyhow, apparently a lot of farmers have gone from growing wheat to growing corn. Ethanol is what all the cool FFA kids are talking about - and wheat is so 1997. If you want to hang out with those kids that still listen to c.d.'s and haven't switched to apple yet - well I guess you can still grow wheat...but we're going to go ahead and save the planet thank you very much.

The problem is that it takes a whole lot more water to grow corn. What am I going to drink while I cruise down the highway in my sweet ethanol guzzling miniature van?

And not only are we using more water, how am I going to pay $4.79 for an all you can eat pizza buffet if these corn lovin' planet huggers are driving up the price of my pizza dough?

If only we could come up with a pizza fueled car. That'd drive up the demand for the crazy bread, more farmers would be cranking it out - that'd drive down the prices - and everybody'd be happy.

that's about one kindergarten class

23

don't mess with me kids...

talking to a dummy

Ventriloquists, mimes, chiropractors...these are a few of the professions that people make fun of...

I experienced two of the three yesterday. I've been a big fan of chiropractors for years. If I throw out my back or am having some sort of joint or muscle pain, I always go to the 'ol chiro and they always fix me up. Right now I'm still in pain sitting here, but I'll go back in today and probably feel better by Monday.

I've noticed that people tend to love or laugh at the idea of a chiropractor. These guys take more anatomy classes than a M.D. and they're good at helping all the things line up that should line up.

Ventriloquists on the other hand....um...I'm not quite sure what to say about these guys. They all have the joke about working with a dummy. There's always a point where they stick the dummy in the suitcase and he still talks. I know Fuller loves these guys, but I just don't see it. I guess maybe a mime who does ventriloquism, yet never talks himself...that could be considered something?

We went to Griffin's basketball banquet last night. It wasn't really a banquet because they didn't feed us. There were 4,000 people there. I didn't count, but they kept saying it and I sort of believe them based on the 20 minutes it took us to get out of the parking lot. They introduced each of the 75 teams. This was the half hour warm up to the ventriloquist. After a half hour of team slides the ventriloquist was a welcome relief...sort of.

I found myself wondering what hurt more, the banquet or my back. I'm not sure how you entertain 4,000 parents and the little kids who are on the teams - you have to celebrate the end of the season with that many teams, so you can't really call out any individuals...and have to have entertainment for a pretty wide age range. Tough job. I wouldn't want it.

leadin'

I've known quite a few musicians over the years. I lived with Dave Wolfenberger the year he learned to play guitar, and lived to tell about it. I've been roommates with several guys that went on to make their living off of music in one way or another.

I've also known quite a few guys that could play guitar. I say they could play guitar because they knew the chords and would strum them...but I'm not sure you'd say that they were musicians. They knew how to play...but I'm not sure that you'd pay to hear them play...and certainly not to sing.

I've had friends that were incredible musicians but horrible at leading crowds. I've had friends that were really good at getting a group to sing together...and yet they weren't very good at the whole singing/playing thing. I think it has something to with confidence. Maybe not, but that's got to play a part.

It's always fun to see someone who is really talented start to get more and more confident and go from being a good singer/musician to someone who can do that and also be a great leader. Now I'm talking within the context of leading a group in the way you lead songs at a church. What I mean is that it's not just a concert or a performance - they're actually LEADING a crowd.
It's been fun to see Zak, a guy at my church, go from being good to great. He was good when I moved here. Now he's great. What's been strange is that it really seems like he's not just better at leading, he someone also sounds better. I'm not just talking about his guitar playing, his voice even sounds better. I didn't know that really happened. I figured you're just kind of stuck with whatever voice you started with.

His was good to start with. Now it's even better. It's been fun to watch.

funny idea

thirsty

I'm up at 3:30 and I'm thirsty...again.

This isn't some metaphor for life - I'm really just craving a drink. This isn't a cry for help...I just want some water.

For some reason I've been getting more and more thirsty lately. It gets really bad because I'll drink so much that I'll feel way too full...and then I'm thirsty and bloated. It's the worst of all worlds because it feels like I need to drink more, which makes me feel like I'm going to throw up...but I'm still thirsty.

I'm not having fun. I'm up at 3:30 trying to distract myself by writing this out...and it just isn't working.

I have some friends who flew out to Nigeria to help other people who are thirsty. If they get thirsty at 3:30 A.M., they walk in the dark a mile or so to a well and get a drink from a contaminated supply. They do that because by the middle of the night their bucket(s) of water are probably empty.

I walked downstairs and really debated for a couple of minutes if it was worth it or not.

They walk miles every day to carry a big bucket of water on their heads.

My friends who went to Nigeria dig out a well. They were a part of a larger group that just spent a half million dollars buying a rig that could drill wells. Now this little village in Nigeria can put together a team of workers who will go from one spot to another digging wells so that people can drink clean water...and maybe not have to walk so far...and maybe not get sick because the water is full of poisons.

Being thirsty maybe isn't the worst, but watching your baby get really really sick because he's been drinking water pulled out of a stream that animals are poisoning with their waste - that's got to be the worst.

It's good to have a few friends who want to change the world

viva la North Face

This is just a theory - but it's a fairly solid one.

Many years ago in a sweatshop far far away there was a young man that was working several sweatshops a day. After months and months of the same thing day after day he grew weary. Who wouldn't?

One day he had a particularly prodigious day of making fleece jackets. On a good day a normal manager would make 400 or maybe 500 jackets. On this day he'd made 1200 jackets.

Only there was a problem. Instead of sewing the North Face logo on the front left chest of the jacket, he'd mistakenly set up his machines in such a way that they sewed the logo on the back right. 1200 jackets ruined.

But this was a proud man. He would make this work somehow. So he hatched a plan to tell the North Face people that if they didn't accept this revolutionary new look, he would expose this winter weather company for what it really was, an insidious corporation bent on providing quality, albeit overpriced, products to cold weather cities across the country...made by 7 year old kids in basements located in third world countries...and also a small shop in Cleveland.

This was ridiculous! A logo that you can only see from behind. What if a young lady with long hair is wearing the jacket? What if it's covered by a backpack. This is just a stupid, stupid idea....but alas, North Face wasn't in a position to "quiet" this man and hadn't really created much of a market in the United States either. Why not take this huge mistake and turn it into a marketing ploy?

So now when you're standing slightly to the right and behind someone in a ski lift line - you'll know that this was the product of a young man with the funny first name - Fidel - a young "revolutionary" that would go on to become the rules of an up and coming young nation known for their hand rolled cigars and ski wear.

And now you know the rest of the fake story...

Try and listen to this and not smile

one of my favorite songs when other people cover it - if that makes sense? And is it weird that I'd rather hear some guy sing it in a coffee shop than the original Beatles version? A bit of trivia - this song was written about Mia Farrow's sister...



Can't get this one out of my head

Thursday post

I forgot to add Tim Roth to my previous list.

I feel like I’ve let everyone down.

Having said that – I’ll just take a non Holiday to do something normally reserved for the holidays.

Non-Valentines
I love my wife. I was checking her out this morning, and while I would still think she was the funniest girl I know with the greatest laugh…and she’s the greatest mom on the planet…and friend…she’s really kind of a knock out too. So I’m just saying I love you Annabelle. (she actually reads this blog)

Non-giving of thanks
Things I’m thankful for:
Friends – I really do have some great old and new friends. I’m a lucky lucky fella.

Family – I’ve inherited a pretty cool mom in law and already came equipped with my own great set of Murphy’s. I run into dysfunctional family situation after dysfunctional family situation here a bunch…and it reminds me that our little dysfunctional family aint so bad.

Health – I’m a walking ibuprofen dispenser – but it could be worse. I’m walking.

God – it always feels silly to thank God for loving us enough to die for us – but it’s probably even sillier to ignore that here.

computers – this thing – I can’t even begin to tell you….I’m sorry…I promised myself I wouldn’t cry…

Non-Flag Day
Actually I don’t really care much about flags. Sorry. I read the Greatest Generation and I’m still just not that into them. No offense. It’s just a symbol – not the actual thing. It’s like when I spin my wedding ring on a table and people look at me with shock and horror. It’s not my love for my wife that I’m spinning…it’s the symbol of my love for her.

That’s about all of the holidays I’d like to celebrate the spirit of today…

makin' movies

I have three friends that have either finished scripts or are currently working on movie scripts. I'd love to see these movies some day and if it helps to get a little casting advice...well here is who you should try to get:

Jeff Goldblum - he makes every movie better
Steve Buscemi - he's just great and he gives you artistic credibility...sort of
Minnie Driver - funny name, huh?
Gary Oldman - one of the all time great over actors
Kristin Wiig - My favorite girl on SNL
Tom Cavanagh - He was Ed...
Angela Basset - remember her? she was great
Bob Saget - because he's Bob Saget
Denzel - there's only one Denzel....at least that I know of
Bonnie Hunt - was by far the best replacement host for Letterman when he was having heart surgery...and she can play the mom
Kevin Kline - what's not great about Kevin Kline?
Jack Nicholson - one of the all time greats
Don Cheadle - because he can do anything
Kevin Spacey - have you seen The Ref, The Usual Suspects or Seven?
Will Smith - he's just so darn likable
Mike Myers - because I just love me some Mike Myers
Cate Blanchettt - because she's the best actress
Jason Sudeikis or Andy Samberg- You'll be glad you did
Philip Seymore Hoffman - just the best
Diane Keaton - how great would it be to get Annie Hall?
Woody Allen - speaking of Annie Hall
Christopher Walken - just for the stories you can tell later
Brad Pitt - name a bad Brad Pitt movie that doesn't start with Ocean's
Natalie Portman - when is she ever bad in a movie?
Jodie Foster - she's very serious

If you get all of these - well that will cost a lot...and that's kind of a big cast

fastin'

This seems like a good time of the year to talk about fasting.

It seems like an odd subject for most of the year. You talk about fasting in June and people give you that holy roller look. You talk about it in lent and it's just what people do...or at least a bunch of people, anyway.

One of the ESPN guys had a cross on his forehead on Ash Wednesday - and that always looks funny to me. I'm not sure if he got into trouble - if people told him to keep his religion to himself - to quit trying to shove his beliefs down people's throats...or if he got a free pass. Doesn't really matter, I just sort of wonder..

A friend of mind fasts once a week. He also fasts for three straight days once a month. It's not good for his metabolism and I'm not sure he really cares. He does it to get weak. He wants to rely less and less on his own strength and more and more on God's. It's not a time of year thing. It's not in some big rule book he feels like he's got to follow. He doesn't announce or deny it - it's just something he does. He honestly just wants to know God more and feels like this is a way to push into his relationship with Him more.

It's the exact opposite of doing something that's good for you as part of what you give up for a certain period of time. He's not giving up food to lose weight...and to do it as part of this fast. He's not giving up a bad habit to lose the habit...and also it'd be something that would count towards this thing we do every year. He really yearns to rely less on his strength and more on God's.

I've never really done the Lent thing. I tell people I'm giving up listening to the J Geils Band, or reading Nancy Drew novels...or whatever strikes me at the time...but I don't do it. Who could give up those mysteries?

I occasionally fast. A day or two here or there. I've done a week a couple of times...and that's not so fun. I've given up activities or certain foods for months and even a year plus at a time...but honestly that was always somewhat about ME. I was giving up stuff that I thought would help me in some way. I think I somehow turned this time that I was giving up to God into a time that ultimately was about myself. I know not everyone does that - but I sure did.

So if you're knee deep in a fast for God - Lent or otherwise - I'd just like to encourage you to use those moments of withdrawal to somehow use that as a reminder to look to God.

audacity

When I see the audacity of Cooper (our two year old son) looking at me like I'm an idiot because I don't let him play with the lawnmower - I'm reminded of so many things.

I see people do it every day. I hear their theories on life/God/politics/Seinfeld and I can't help but think there's probably a bigger/better/smarter view out there.

Audacity is really the word. For Cooper to think he knows the best way for him to live his life - and at this point it involves the lawn mower - it's just silly. I can see that. You can see that. He can't see that...because he's not that smart. He's just not. It'd be weird if he was - he's 2 - he shouldn't be.

That's us. We think we've got God figured out. We think we know what's best for our lives. We all make decisions that must leave God thinking, "the audacity"

We can't see it. It'd be weird if we could. We're not God.

We're just not that smart. We're not.