I hear...

When someone says, "that's interesting"
I hear "that's really dumb"

When some people say, "I'll see you at 8"
I hear them say, "I'm going to leave at 8 and I'll be there around 8:30ish"

When I read a recipe that doesn't include bacon,
I think "that's a dumb recipe"

When I find out there's a new Saturday Night Live on,
I think "there's a 20% chance that it will be funny" and then I watch it.

When someone says that we need to get the two parties together in a bipartisan effort,
I hear "We don't have enough votes and we want those guys to start agreeing with us"

When I hear Cooper say, "Daddy, I ninja love you"
I remember that I'm the luckiest dad in the world.

When I hear Isaac go into a story,
I'm reminded that I need him to start a radio program that revolves around stories of his childhood and Cosby references.

When Annie tells me we don't have any plans for the evening,
I find myself loving the fact that I get to hang out with her and probably lose to her in some sort of word game.

When I see Greer in a full Elvis outfit
I'm smart enough to take a picture with my cellular telephone digital camera