Tuesday, September 09, 2008

a mesage to the people

I've decided to change my answering machine message.  I've gone with the standard, hi it's Sean...blah blah blah...leave message...I'll call back...." for a while now.  It's time to move on.

I think we're ready. We all understand how the whole process works now.

I do have a couple of ground rules.
-Never tell the person what number they just called.  They know.  They dialed it.  Their phone has redial and their cell phone has a call log.  I just saved you 8 seconds.

-Don't make jokey jokes.  It's always hilarious....but if you call the person twice in one day...it gets old.  After a week it's just annoying.

-if you say something like, "I'll be out from June 23rd to June 27th"  make sure that isn't still your message on August 4th.

-if you rap or sing on your message, you're telling people to hang up.

Here is what I suggest.
"Hi, it's me ________ here's the beep"

That's all we need.

Here's the problem.  I did that very thing and after the beep there is some lady telling people that they have several options....the only one of which they ever choose is to either talk or hang up.  I don't want to change my machine to say, "Hi, it's Sean here's the lady telling you things that aren't helpful.  I'd like to fire this lady, but she rarely stops by and I'd hate to do it over the phone.

but I'm tempted to...


  1. I hate voice mail! On my personal phone, I rarely (if ever) check my voice messages. And when I do, I usually just delete them without listening to the whole message. I can see by Caller ID who called and I'd rather just call them back (or not), than listen to a message telling me they called.

    If something's that important, they will call again or, better yet, send a text!

  2. Answering machine?? Do people still have home phones?

  3. Do people still use phones? It's 2008, people...text me if you want to communicate!

  4. The great Mitch Hedberg once said, "I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

  5. Anonymous2:16 PM

    haha, first of all, i used to do what mitch did. when that didn't work anymore, i got verizon. and with verizon phones, there's a clever little thing you can do to avoid that horrid lady and her annoying instructions time and time again. simply, (are you ready for this?)....press one. that's it. that's all you have to do, and you won't be bothered by joked long past laughed-at, and out of date messages.
    no need to thank me. i'm just saving the world, one number at a time.

  6. "On a stop light green means go and yellow means slow down, but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means, 'Where the f**k did you get that banana at?'"
    - Mitch Hedberg