bitter cold

on a really superficial level, for me the worst five seconds are moments like...

when you first get brain freeze after eating ice cream or drinking a slushi

when you first sit down in a car on a really cold day....you've been walking a bit, and it's really cold...but at least you're moving....and then you sit down in the car and you have nothing to do but sit there and just be cold

when you press play on your DVR to watch a show and see that the first ten minutes are actually the last ten minutes of some other show. The shows are running late because of some game...and that means it'll cut off the last ten minutes of the show you taped.

When you pour a big bowl of cereal and then pour on the milk, and you think you saw a lump...and it smells kind of funny...and you realized that you just wasted all that cereal...and that milk...

When they play America's Funniest Videos and you first hear Tom Bergeron and you realize that this isn't one with Bob Saget hosting

When you say something that you think is funny, nobody laughs...and then you realize that it was kind of insulting...and you just wasted a not funny joke on a group of people that you'll have to apologize to later....and then you'll have to go and teach communications to a group of UC students while wearing elf shoes after that...

When your football team is winning by 5 and they squib kick it with 7 seconds left on the clock...and the other team runs it back for a TD

When my foot cramps and for five seconds I'm paralyzed by the pain...and it's just a foot cramp...

When you've just gone down a hill on a sled with your kid...and it was a lot of fun, but you realize that you now have a crotch full of snow, a crying kid who has a crotch full of snow...and you have to carry yourself, your sled, and your crying kid back up the hill for another round...

when someone calls you and asks what you're doing...but you can tell they're asking because you're not in the meeting you were supposed to go to....and don't really care what you're doing....they're just telling you that you blew it...

That moment when you realize that even though you worked 56 hours last week...and were planning on taking Monday off, you can't because you're speaking to a group of folks who are getting together solely because you're speaking to them....crap!