UC vs. SFU VIP

UC/SFU - who can beat up a Bull?  A Bearcat, that's who.  Actually I have no idea...and I never saw a Bearcat at the game, but I did notice the robot from Futurama and Santa Claus at the game.

Keep in mind that the South Florida Bulls might possibly be one of the top five college football teams in Florida.  They were ranked #23 in these United States and are the south's answer to the Philadelphia Phillies and all of their northern pride.

The game was a bit sloppy at times (we counted 23 turnovers) and had some incredible highlight reel catches (as shown by my camera/phone/palm pilot) (ok, I gotta be straight with you...I got that pic off the interweb)

In the end - the Bearcats marched to victory.  I think we have the makings of the National Champions - assuming they don't count much of the first part of the year and our offensive line gets a lot better at drive blocking...and our safety would start playing safety...then we're practically the best team ever.

At some point I'm pretty sure I saw the unibomber at the game.  I saw him writing up something about an east coast bias in the polls and then went off to send a note.

And Leah has sort of a crush on the Futurama robot...

Collecting dust

My first collection was one of ticket stubs.  The prize ticket I had was of a Notre Dame game my dad gave me.  It had a full color picture of the three Notre Dame captains and was really a pretty cool looking ticket.  I collected concert tickets (the Kinks, the Romantics, Billy Idol, every Irish folk band ever), sports tickets (lots of Reds, OSU football and the occasional hockey ticket) and any other ticket I could get a hold of.  You could see a trend towards the end where every ticket looked the same.

 

I blame ticketmaster.  I was to be nobody's ticketslave and either I was going to fill my ticket book with Pearl Jam tickets or move on to a new hobby...

And so I collected coins...and baseball cards...and some football cards...

I've had other hobbies, interests and passions (although I'm not sure I was ever really passionate about collecting tickets) but lately I haven't been playing racquetball, obsessed about any team or taken on any big projects at home.  

I have been using coupons though.  I bought 11 tubes of toothpaste, 15 bottles of orange juice and lemonade, 5 deodorants, five bags of chicken flavored rice, 16 rolls of toilet paper, 4 2-liters, and 2 shampoos - all for $2.60.  That was pretty good.  I'm not sure it's a hobby, interest or passion though - it's just fun to see how much free stuff I can get with coupons.

I don't think I'll be headed to the coupon collecting conventions anytime soon though.  Chris, you'll have to go it alone my friend...

traffic jamin'

It’s time to rethink traffic lights.  We’ve been on  the Red, Yellow, Green train for a while now and it’s time to get off the bus…or train.  Who am I kidding?  I’m not riding a bus or a train, and what would that have to do with traffic lights anyhow?

I like the color thing, I just think it might be limiting.  Three colors?  We can do better than that.

We don’t even have to think any more – we’re on autopilot.  Let’s put down our ipods and start focusing on signals once again! (too much?)

I say we go with Red, Blue, Yellow, Green and a question mark.

Red means stop – no change there.  

Blue means that you should probably stop but we’re not going to get legalistic about it or anything.  Who are we to judge?

Yellow means speed up – no change there.

Green means go celebrate the Irish and all that they’ve contributed to our society – again with the no change there.

The Question mark is sort of like a wild card.  You should probably slow down because there might be another car coming, or a train…or a bear…you just have to play it out and see what happens.

I’d also like the traffic cops to wear giant foam fingers announcing their sports allegiance when directing traffic.  Seems like it would make the whole traffic jam a little sportier – and who doesn’t like ending with a pun?

Twofor

I've decided to make Tuesdays -Two for Tuesdays in November.  I've felt guilty about not givng October a clever theme (Rocktober, Proctober, Captain Spoktober, Remember to change your clocktober) and feel like making Tuesdays "Twosdays" might make up for it.

So here's the deal - you get two gems for the same price as one gem on Monday or Wednesday.

That's almost double.

Yesterday you got a history lesson - today you'd get double that.  I'm not saying that it'll be two history lessons, but it could be.  I'm just saying that you're getting twice the value on Tuesdays in November. (I'm also thinking through a "Snovember" theme - but that's up to the globe whether or not it's going to continue the trend of not getting any warmer this decade)

This feels a little like the episode where the Fonz was mid-air over the trash cans on his motorcycle and we had to wait a week to find out if he plunged to his death...but you're just going to have to tune in next week to see Twosdays in action....it'll be my Fonzie jumping the trashcan moment...

thinking through my week...

If I knew how to find it, I'd post a link to the SNL skit with the 43 year old guy going trick or treating while he's getting his predator signatures.  Sadly I do not have that technology, or more accurately, just can't find it online...but what's not funny about that?

Having said that, let's talk about Halloween.  In much the same way that we celebrate the true meaning of Christmas most of us celebrate the true meaning of Halloween.  Halloween was originally an irish tradition (you're welcome) and was a night when the dead would visit.  It was sort of like their one night to party with the alive folks where everyone brought chips, salsa and sold pampered chef products.  They'd take turnips and rutabagas and hollow them out and stick a candle in there to light their way.  Often the dead would show up late and drunk and offend the host(s) by bringing friends that weren't really on the list.  Eventually they started dressing up their friends in costumes to get around any uptight hosts and it became a hilarious tradition once the dead figured out you could team up with your date for the night and have theme costumes (he's bacon and I'm an egg! - she's an electric outlet and I'm a plug...get it?!)

Eventually the candy companies took over and in their attempt to make this holliday evil created "fun sized" candy which is anything but fun...

Don't let them bring you down America.  Take back this precious holiday and get back to your roots.  Eat some soul cakes and talk about those evil English and their silly hats.  Carve up some rutabas because what's more fun than saying rutabaga?  I dare say nothing...

Scout's Honor

Periodically I'll get a call to come and do a skit, talk or tap dance at a local function.  Last week when I got a call from the Boy Scouts of America to come and tell ghost stories around a camp fire, I suggested that this particular troop call Joe the Pastor.  Turns out they had...and he said the same thing, only in my direction.

He won.

I said the thing you should never say, "This isn't really my thing, but if you get in a bind...call me if you're desperate".

They were.  Apparently that's why they were calling me.

So I had the story about the guy with the dog getting carved up and finding a note written in blood on the wall - one about the ax murderer in the backseat of the car - the bloody hook on the car door handle...
and then I got to thinking...

These kids are about Griffin's age.  I'm not sure I'd tell these scary campfire tales to Griff.  So I called the lady at scout headquarters (her living room) and ran one by her.  If she could have punched me in the trachea through the phone, she would have.

"you can't tell those stories!  They'll have nightmares for weeks!  Why don't you tell some stories that sound scary, but have a funny ending?"

So I went to my "stories that sound scary but have a funny ending" file and pulled some out...

Turns out it was kind of fun.  I like spinning the occasional yarn and doing it in front of a bonfire with a bunch of young 'ens is a decent night out. 

On an unrelated note, Steve J. Fuller passed me a copy of chapter one of his book.  You can read it here.
It's actually really good.

The Nuremburg Soup Trial

I just received possibly the greatest e-mail since the one where I found out that I was picked by a prince to be the sole inheriter of a lot of money.

Not only am I soon to be rich (all I had to do was send them some of my info - how great is my life?) but tonight I will be dining on possibly the greatest soup of this generation.  The soup nazi ate some of this and immediately apologized for his goose-stepping, prison camp soup.  Martha Stewart had a bowl and immediately went back to jail and shanked her old roomie.  Rachel Ray gives it two "yummos" and Bobby Flay threw himself down on a broken bottle of hot sauce during a throwdown with this soup.

Not long ago one of my favorite authors penned this insightful article about this very soup.

Tonight I dine with the greatest of joy.  This stuff is so good it makes me want to smack Emeril 17 times while shouting Bam!

and this is why my wife is awesome...

problem solved...

 

now I can just start up the 'ol car in the comfort of my own garage...

wait, that's bad too

Either way, I'm looking at a car that will be snug as a bug in a rug.  Do you really want bugs in your rugs though?

Dancing with my car

I'm a few minutes away from engaging in something I detest.  There aren't many things I like less than running out to my car, unlocking it and then starting it....only to run back into the house.  Seems like I'm wasting some momentum in that whole interaction.

Warming up my car on a cold morning is one of my top four least favorite activities.
1.  vomiting nothing (also known east of the Mississippi as dry heaving)
2.  vacuuming and/or ironing
3.  going over to Brad's to hang out only to have him show you his latest line dancing moves
4.  Warming up the car
5.  watching any show with the word "dancing" in the title
6.  why am I still making this list?  I was really just talking about the top four?  I hate it when I do this...

So today wouldn't normally be that bad.  Someone in Michigan right now is saying, "that's not cold, cold is when you lose an appendage and don't feel it because you're out tanning" and that's when I answer, "yeah, but your football team is a bunch of stupid heads" and walk away triumphant in our superior football and weather....who's the big winner now Michigan?

I won't have to de-ice the locks or scrape the windows - it's just that today is the beginning of future such outings...at least I won't be dry-heaving while running out to the car...

Praying to Oprah

I've heard it said that you can discover who your "god" is by looking at your palm pilot.  I think what they're saying is that if you use a daytimer or no calendar at all you're an atheist...or an agnostic at best.

Hold on -I'm not sure that's right -  Maybe the point is that the thing(s) that you spend most of your time pursuing are typically the things that you worship/and or live for.  They are your god.

I'm not sure that adds up - unless a lot of us are worshipping St. Mattress by spending roughly 56 of our hours in a typical week sleeping.  I don't know if I know anyone who prays, studies the Bible or reflects on God for that many hours...except for you.

So even if it doesn't add up - you've got to throw in the tiniest possibility that we do tend to focus on the things that are, in fact, the most important to us.  We might make our list of priorities with God first, family second, The Office third and friends fourth...maybe even throw work in there somewhere???  I think we'd make that list in more of a wishful way.  It's what we want our priorities to be, but not necessarily where they are.

If you spend more time listening to Oprah than to God - well that's gotta say something about Steve...right?

I recently had a friend tell me that "we get as much of God as we want"

"Huh?"

"Yup"

"oh....huh....maybe that's about right"

There's often a difference between belief and action and I'm not sure it's much more than verbal.  I say one thing and it really has absolutely nothing to do with what I truly believe.  I do another and it has everything to do with what I believe.

faith without action is like the funniest videos in America without Saget - it just doesn't work...