Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Duty Now For The Future

In 1978 the greatest band of all time (to come out of Akron) came out with, arguably, the greatest first album of all time (to come out of Kent State) "Q:  Are we not men? A: We are Devo!"

This flower-pot wearing band put out some of the greatest music of our time (from Northern, Ohio...specifically Kent & Akron).
-Greatest song of all time involving a whip? -Whip It (obviously)
-Greatest cover of a Rolling Stones song - Satisfaction
-Greatest song that you'll never hear at a karaoke bar - Girl U Want

Mark Mothersbaugh (lead singer of the greatest band to ever play the mini-moog) has created more film and television scores than there are films and television shows...and I'm only exaggerating a little...
He composed the music you hear in the Get a Mac commercials.
He single handedly wrote the song that shut up Barry Manilow.

Devo has been around for 35 years.  I've heard everything they've ever played.  While I'm not a Devo-tee (that's gotta be the fan club name, right?)  I would say I know more about them than most.

So why did it take me until yesterday to find out that Devo stand for De-Evolution?
I'm dumb...

Friday, February 11, 2011

On Call

I'm on call right now.  At any point I can be called upon to serve and protect.  More serve probably...not so much protect.  It's not that I'm against protecting, that's just not part of my gig.

So I don't schedule as many meetings on a day like this.  You'd hate to be 15 minutes into your Amway presentation only to be "called" away.  I'll be monitoring my cellular and office phones throughout my day until 5 o'clock. 

And then I'm on call to perform comedy with the Q City Players.  We have an out of state gig...and you should know that when I say gig, I don't really know what I'm saying, and also feel kind of dumb.  Either way, we'll be making up stuff in front of a bunch of people.  This is sort of like being on call, except it's a lot more pressure and it's possible that you'll end up wetting yourself in the process.

This weekend I'll be on call Saturday AND Sunday. 

All this to say, you're in good hands America.  I've got you covered.
you're welcome

Thursday, February 10, 2011

This is a real thing?

The Streetflyer is "hangliding for people afraid of heights".  The concept is you get this thing going and then you lift up your legs and enjoy the feeling of flying...from 3 feet in the air.  It seems like she's having fun.

It's not that different than Fred Flintstone pedaling his car and then lifting his legs...or a kid on a bike coasting...or me pretending like I'm helping to lift the appliance when I help you move...but really my hands are just sort of under the refrigerator. (you don't want to ask me to help you move)

I think if this thing sticks, I might have to invent a few more genius ideas for people with phobias.

Quick idea:  I could do a 2,000 square foot elevator for people with claustrophobia.
...and that's just the start. 
(patent pending)

Wednesday, February 09, 2011


Word used by Seth Godin that I had to look up? Autarky

au·tar·ky  noun

the condition of self-sufficiency, especially economic, as applied to a nation.

a national policy of economic independence.

Didn't know what it meant until I read his post - liked/agreed with his post...and now I'm all the better for having read it.

Best word used in the two hour meeting I just came out of?
Didn't look it up - just appreciated it. 
Best word I'll hear at our next meeting?
I agree
and what's better than people agreeing?  This post could literally transform the Middle East if they all just took it to heart...
Also - I'm fairly certain most of my Saget commentary could do them some good.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

A few things I don't need to hear anymore

-"I'm not going to lie to you"
So the assumption is everything else you've said is...???

"I use to think/believe/be like/do that"
So the assumption is that you've moved on...or past where I currently am?  On the surface this feels like empathy, dig a little deeper and I think you'll find condescension.

(fill in the blank any question to themselves followed by their answer)  Does it bug me when people ask themselves a question and then answer it?  Yup 

"Quit trying to steal my wallet Sean" - if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that...or for every dollar I've stolen...

Monday, February 07, 2011

No points for second place

If Top Gun taught us anything, it's that it's ok to wear jeans when you're playing sand volleyball.
also...there are no points for second place...
Ironically, you get four points for placing third

I wanted the Pittsburgh Steelers to win the big game last night.  In fact, it's the biggest of games.  It's like the Super Bowl of football.

They didn't.  I will say that I'd rather them lose to the Packers than pretty much every other team.  I thought the Patriots were the best team this year, but apparently they weren't.  Organizationally, I've always respected the Packers and I like a lot of their players.  They're quarterback used to be a Young Life leader and I go to the Vineyard with the punter's mom...so it's almost like I'm on the team.

Anyhow, it was a great game...and isn't that really the goal?
I'm serious...isn't it?  I really want someone to talk me down from the ledge here and tell me that that's the goal and not winning..

Friday, February 04, 2011

Finally, some love for my fellow sufferers...

After nine years Homeland Security has decided to discontinue the color-coded terror alerts.
For 2/3rds of my children, they've never lived in a world without connecting the color yellow with elevated.

I can't remember how many times Parker has come up to me and said, "Daddy, I drew this picture all by myself and I even colored the doggy guarded"  Now she'll just call it blue.

Here's the bottom line:
I am color blind.  I've had to live in a world with an elevated sense of panic for nine years... knowing the full time that I would have no idea what the actual threat level was that day.

Not any more fellow Americans.  What's the new system?  Nobody really knows, but I have a few suggestions.
The sitcom system

The threat today is low = we're at a threat level Modern Family.
Moderate threat =Any show with a former member of Seinfeld of Friends
Extreme threat = Ted McGinley has joined the cast

I think this could be done with photographs.  I lean towards black and white photos, but that's the genius of this system...it works for everybody.
You're welcome America