Week o'me

So this morning I'm off to the High School - again.  This is day four of Murphapalooza.  They're calling it something else, but that's how I think of it.

I was asked to come and speak at a high school for a week.  Every day.  For a week.  That's a lot of me.  I like me and I'm not sure I'd show up today.

I've decided that I can't really break out my Mork & Mindy or A Team references any more.  But who doesn't still love Batman?

One thing I know is that I don't like to speak from notes.  It's just not my thing. (side note: this is why you should never ask me to do your wedding)  It's hard to go without notes for several days in a row with new stuff. The problem is that I'm speaking for 45-50 minutes each day.  I'd personally rather go about 20-25, but they've got those darn bells that they have to live by.  If I stop short, then they're playing heads up seven up for 20 minutes.  That doesn't really fly with the 12th graders the way it did at Wilson Hill Elementary School.

So I've spoken for roughly 2 1/2 hours so far...and I'm going to crank out another 45 or so this morning...it should be interesting.

And what I mean is that it should be interesting, I'm just not sure it will be.

Is it worth it?

I’ve said this before. I think it might make sense to take a poll of 30 or 40 kids and ask them this question: Do clowns thrill you, or scare you to death?

I just wonder if the value outweighs the damage? just wondering…I don’t know

How about this one – Does the attractiveness of that particular strapless dress outweigh the chore of having to grab it with thumbs and forefingers and pull it up every 3 minutes?

Does the safety while driving and convenience value outrank the creepy factor of you wearing that blue tooth earpiece?

Is it worth $50 to buy the jersey for a team you will never actually play for?

(this one isn’t aimed at you – I say to my 15 friends that wear jerseys during football season)

Is it worth guilting people into doing something for or with you – knowing that that works?

Is it worth $400 to buy a phone that is so bad that 6 months later you’ll pay another $200 to get the same model…just a little better?

Is spending 30-60 minutes of your life watching a show that has people being judged for dancing – while shows like the Office, Burn Notice and The White Shadow re-runs are left unwatched by you?

Maybe it's all worth it - what do I know?

socialized medical care

So we thought we'd gone to a picnic to fight juvenile diabetes.  Turns out we were also fighting the dreaded zebra mosquito.  Oh yeah, we faced the evil Z.M. and lived to tell about it...so far.

Our friends put on a picnic in conjunction with a walk-a-thon to support juvenile diabetes (actually, they're fighting J.D. - they're not supporting it at all, it turns out).  So we went to the picnic, fought the betes and then came home to relax in our sweet conditioned air.

And then we started scratching.

And scratching...

The whole family had these welts.  It was an epidemic of red spots and itchiness.  So I asked around and it turns out that everyone I know that was at the park (not named Ole) had the spots.  Luckily one of our friends went to the doctor to make sure it wasn't (A)  Staph  (B)  The Plague  (C)  Turrets or (D)  Bed bugs

Turns out it was (E)  None of the above.  She diagnosed the culprit for a few dozen of us...and all for the price of one doctor's visit.

There's a new bug in town and he goes by the name of the Zebra mosquito. 

I actually know of a way that for $30 you can fight both the Zebra mosquito and Juvenile diabetes.

Take $5 and buy two cans of Off and then take $25 and send it to this site.

Skip a night out at the movies this week...or that Dustin Diamond signed t-shirt you were about to order and help a great cause.

I get to live with these two girls

the two most beautiful in the world...

Here comes the blog

I have a few thoughts on weddings.  Specifically these are some of my do's and don'ts. 
(Also, a quick disclaimer:  This has nothing to do with your wedding.  When I went to your wedding it was perfect.)

Keep in mind that I've never (nor will I ever) read a bridal magazine, website or book.  I didn't obsess or even ever really think about my future wedding as a child. 

I've just been in close to a dozen weddings and attended somewhere around a hundred more.  I went to three weddings one Saturday and two on another.  There was a year or two where every person I'd ever known decided to get hitched.

Having established myself as an expert, I'll move on.

First thing first - do it your way.  Twenty years from now your mom won't look back at her special day.  You dad won't either.  This is your day, do it your way.

Think through festival seating.  First come first serve.  Let people sit wherever they want and don't turn this into which side had more friends show up.  Let the parents sit up front if you want and then let everyone else find their own seat.

I like having the guys in suits.  Let them spend money on a suit that they'll wear to future weddings, funerals, amway conventions and banquets.  A rental just doesn't make sense.

This one is important, so listen up - You need to let people leave when it's over.  DO NOT - DO NOT - have them wait in their seats while the bride and groom personally excuse/hug every single person in the building.  Nobody wants that.  It's long enough when you bring back an usher to excuse each row.  We know how to leave as a crowd.  People do it when they go to an Adam Sandler movie, and they can probably figure it out at your wedding.

If your theology has anything to do with luck, then don't get your pictures done until after the wedding.  If you've read the stats and figured out that good luck at the wedding has nothing really to do with the future success of a marraige - then do the pictures before the wedding.  Everyone is nervous or bored sitting around waiting for the thing to start anyhow, just get them over with.  After the wedding at the reception hall sitting around waiting for the bridal party to show up is for the birds.

No chicken dance.  No Beastie Boys.  I don't make the rules.  That's just how it is.

It's ok to play wind down music if the best man or maid of honor start going to long with their toasts.

Let's put a five person limit on each side.  You get one best man and four groomsmen.  Same deal with the girls.  This keeps it special.  You're one of the five best friends of someone who wasn't afraid to set limits on their how big the wedding is going to get.  It makes the rehersal dinner cheaper and makes it a bigger deal for those who are asked.

I've been told that most people won't read a blog post that's over 250 words.  I'd go on with my ideas, but I've already doubled that.  Besides, I want to leave room for "Here comes the blog part II"

huh?

I'm sort of surprised by Obama's choice for vp.   Apparently a lot of the democrats weren't too fired up either.  This was the guy that said that Obama lacked the experience needed for a president and "the presidency is not something that lends itself to on-the-job training."

Liberal or conservative, this guy's arrogance has to eat at you.

He's the guy who told a reporter, "I have a higher IQ than you" just before he mentioned his full scholarship to college, where he won a prestigious award and finished near the top of his class.  It turns out he went on a partial scholarship that was income based, finished in the bottom 10% of his class and didn't win the award.  Oops.

I'm really just surprised by this choice.  He actually dropped out of the '88 race after he was caught plagiarizing lines from someone else's speech. (something Clinton accused Obama of doing this year)

Anyhow, start getting mad and throwing mud...I'm just saying this choice leaves me scratching my head.

Norm

How brilliant is this? He went out and did puns and jokes straight out of a 1930's jokebook. He's just the best...

Norm was known to pitch hosts really awful sketches back with SNL. He'd do that or just start telling the most ridiculous story he could come up with. Stuff that you could never do on a show. Everyone would be laughing and the host would end up asking why they didn't do the skit that made all the writers laugh. He'd always do it straight just to make the rest of the cast crack up. About 2 minutes in you can see the other comedians start to get what he's doing. For the birds, full of boloney...Brilliant

style over substance

You can make a pretty solid argument for style over substance.

Style can gather a crowd.

Style can woo people into decisions.

Style, if left unexamined, can be impressive and even somewhat inspiring.

Substance takes longer.

It's harder.

In the long run it's more significant and effective, but who has that kind of time?

It's a lot easier to just put on a big show with flashing lights, smoke machines and shiny mirrors.

If the style attracts lots of people, you'll even get a few stories out of the crowd that will give credence to your big show.

You should put all your time and energy into the flash, the style, the performance...right?

Style 1- Substance - 0

how bout them politics

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don't fence me in

I'm a man on a vision quest.  You can't put me in a box, I reside in a parallelogram of theology, philosophy, political ideology and collect my mail from an old man who has no rock to snatch from his outstretched hands...only a pack of camel unfiltered.

You ask me boxers or briefs and I respond with a quick, yes-and.

What time is it Sean?  It's time for you to realize that I am 31 flavors and then some.  I will tell you how it is, what it is and where it is, and then come back four minutes later with a quick - you know I was just messin' with ya, right?

Where is this guy coming from?

A mid-sized hospital in Columbus, Ohio friend...that's where.  I will race you to the curb and beat you every time.  I have a slide step that gets me out of embarrassing run-intos at the mall.  My vertical leap is almost horizontal and you can take that check to the bank for deposit...but don't try to cash it little fella, I am saving up for a rainy day.  I'm getting a hat that is also an umbrella.  I don't care what Bill Murray happens to be wearing, I'm gonna throw down with the best of them today.

Where do you keep your socks?  I keep them in a drawer.  The man has made me conform to his sock policy, but I happen to be doing this under the guise of winning over his trust.  You just wait Man.  Just when you think I'm sheep #23 I will come at you like a cocoon of horror.

My fence is made of sour apple taffy.  It has been made to stretch and stay delicious all at the same time.